Page 2 of Falling for My Boss

“Mrs. Grober, the eighty-year-old lady at the bank?” I asked.

“That’s the one,” Danica said. “She thinks you are just adorable when you come in for deposits.”

“She thinks everyone is adorable,” I said, standing. “Now, if you will excuse me. I have alcohol to ingest to help me forget this conversation.”

A little while went by, and I had mostly forgotten the exchange as we waited on the pizza to arrive. I went into the kitchen, and the doorbell rang. Danica was busy with a baby on her hip, most of my brothers were outside, and the toddlers were chasing each other in and out of the house. It was madness, and I was making my way to the door, pulling out my wallet to pay for it if they hadn’t already, when Ally swooped in front of me and swung the door open.

At first, I was thoroughly confused as to how Ally knew the pizza delivery girl so well that she would want to hug her. Then I noticed she was wearing body-hugging tights and a shirt that was rather sheer that accentuated when the wearer was chilly.

“Jessica!” Ally exclaimed. “So glad you could make it. Come on in.”

A woman, roughly my age, perhaps a little older, came in with Ally. She was wearing sparkling makeup that made her look like an extra from a David Bowie video and had her hair straight and down. She looked like she had spent a fair amount of time putting that outfit and look together, and it took roughly three seconds to see where it was going. It helped that as soon as she came in, both she and Ally made a beeline for me.

“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath.

“Derek, this is Jessica,” Ally said. “She’s my friend from the meat supplier. Jessica, this is Derek.”

“I’ve heard so much about you,” Jessica said. “It’s like I know you already.”

“Wow, that’s…” I started, took a pause as I tried to push down the opinion I truly had deep into my belly, and swallowed. “Great.”

I smiled a disingenuous smile, but the intent was either ignored or unnoticed by both Jessica and Ally, who promptly turned on her heel and walked back into the living room, grabbing her glass of wine. I saw, very briefly, Noah and Danica poke their heads around to see us in the kitchen and then flitter away. I made a mental note to curse all of them with whatever curses I could find on the internet later that night. Something that gave them gastrointestinal problems or something. Make them feel the discomfort.

“So, you’re a chef,” Jessica said, helping herself to a bottle of wine and a glass. “It’s so interesting, the life of a chef. So many late, late nights.”

“Heh, yeah,” I said. “Late nights. Early mornings sometimes too. You know. Work.”

I was flustered. Not because of the girl exactly. I was fine with women, and she wasn’t exactly my type anyway. It was the situation that was bugging me. Being cornered by this woman, who was obviously thinking she was bagging me up and taking me home tonight while my family stayed in another room on purpose, pissed me off. It was a great practical joke on one hand, I had to give Ally that, but on the other, I felt like smooshing her face into a hot pan like a grilled cheese sandwich.

Slowly, I guided her to follow me back into the living room, gently giving her signals that I wasn’t as interested as she seemed to be, but she wasn’t getting them all. I took my exits where I could, getting the pizza, passing out the plates, generally being a bit of a host. Since it was pizza, we forewent the formal dining room meal which was a blessing. It meant I could keep on the move and avoid Jessica as much as possible.

Somewhere during the evening, another friend had also shown up. A taller, ganglier woman, who, while attractive, had the look of someone who was more interested in getting a ring on her finger than actually getting to know the person she’d be marrying. She had cornered Cam, and he had about the same look on his face that I did.

Finally, after dinner, I found a chance to slip outside, joining Noah, who was taking out the trash. He was already down the steps of his porch, and I jogged after him.

“Noah,” I started.

“Hey, bud, let’s go back inside,” he said, trying to ignore me.

“No, wait. We need to talk for a second.”

“Sorry, bud, Ally is waiting.” He tried to bypass me, but I put one arm up and stopped him from getting up the steps.

“Before you get up there, I need to ask you a favor,” I said.

“Sure.” He stopped, clearly unhappy about it.

“Please, please tell your wife to stop parading women past me,” I said. “I’m sure Cameron would say the same if he had the opportunity. But at least with me, I have to work with her every day, so it would really suck if I were forced to put her through the meat grinder and make her into a ragu.”

“Alright, Hannibal,” Noah joked. “I hear you. It wasn’t my idea, by the way. But I hear you.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll be sure to tell her,” Noah said, heading up the stairs.

Sighing, I headed back up myself, prepared to slog my way through the rest of the night.

2

---