Page 109 of Scent of Home

I owe her an apology. I want to give her that apology. Does that mean I’ve grown?

Erin sits down on the porch swing, and with the ball of her foot, sets it swinging.

I almost step towards her, but at the last minute, I change my mind and pause, just watching her. She closes her eyes and breathes deeply. Country life suits her. This forest suits her.

She looks at peace. The frenetic energy she had when I met her is gone, replaced by a calm stillness that seems more fitting for her nature. Like whatever was strangling her alpha nature has let go.

It’s too hard now to stay on the sidelines. Whoever that alpha was that used to seek out solitude in cabins for days, weeks, and months alone, he’s gone. I don’t want to be alone. Just to hear the sounds of their laughter, their scents in the air. I want to touch and be touched, to kiss and be kissed.

I don’t even know who I am anymore, but suddenly, I’m halfway to Erin, unable to stop myself.

She looks up at me, and those enigmatic brown eyes seem to know exactly what I’m thinking.

I sit beside her, and she immediately puts a hand on my thigh. I cover her hand with my own.

“Is this what relationships are? It’s easy because anything that matters is something we’re prepared to negotiate? Is having all these feelings trying to explode out of me just normal?”

Erin smiles slightly. “I don’t know. My experience was lots of sultry nights and one failed relationship. But I do know I wasn’t prepared to give up anything for him. The idea was laughable.”

“I wouldn’t give up anything for Cynthia, either. Hell, I didn’t even meet her family. I made an excuse. I think I told her I was working. I was a very selfish man.”

“I’m sure she understands.”

I put an arm around her, and she leans into me.

“She was always far more generous than I deserved.”

“Why did you get so upset when she found her scent match?”

“Well, I guess it was fear.”

“Fear?”

“If she could walk out onto the street and bump into a guy and know in seconds he was it for her, then what was I? To be so disposable meant I could be alone forever. No family, no friends, just ex-partners who left me because the right guy walked past them on a street curb.”

“Oh, Shane, It’s not like that.”

“I know that now. But at the time, it was the most offensive thing I’d ever heard, and I lashed out because I was afraid I would end up alone forever. But maybe secretly, deep down, I didn’t think that I even had a scent match.”

“Then you did exactly that, coming out here and living alone. You punished yourself.”

I laugh. “My toxic trait, when I think people are going to leave me, I leave them and turn myself into an iceberg of isolation.”

“My toxic trait is that when I think I’m alone, I fill every second with work and things to do so I don’t feel alone. It’s why I ended up on the bus to nowhere. I couldn’t stand my own thoughts.”

I squeeze her closer to me. “We don’t need to be those people anymore.”

“No.”

“Because I love you. I know it hasn’t been long, but you are that person on the street, the one that changes my life. I saw you, and that was it. You are it.”

Erin pulls herself free and steps in-between my legs, wrapping her arms around me.

“I’m not going to find anyone better than you, Shane. You, Bray, Finn, and Locke are it for me.”

I catch my breath, unaware I needed to hear those words until she said them.

She runs her fingers through my hair and then tugs until I tilt my head back. Erin smirks and straddles me before her lips press against mine. I taste mocha and breathe her in.

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