“Phobos,” I choked out, tears welling. I’d been shoving everything I’d been going through down into a tiny box in my chest for so long that I hadn’t even noticed that the box was way beyond capacity. I was simply too exhausted to hold onto it, not even for one more second. The emotional drop caught me totally unawares.
He frowned, taking in the state of me. “Hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you.” Phobos opened his arms, and without thought, I collapsed into him, dropping my forehead to his chest, and began to cry.
The floodgates were open, and I sobbed openly, my tears soaking into Phobos’s shirt. It wasn’t my finest moment, and I was sure clinging to my boss like this was portraying the worst possible image, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I was wrung the hell out, scared, sick, and part of me was still wondering if I was just crazy, imagining the whole thing. Was that possible? Was I just some kind of hypochondriac,blowing everything out of proportion? The doctor certainly hadn’t been too worried about my list of supposed symptoms. He probably thought I was crazy too!
The entire time I poured myself out to Phobos, he just held me, rubbing a hand in a slow, steady circle on my back. “Shh, you’re okay,” he kept repeating, but I couldn’t catch my breath between jagging sobs to tell him that no, I was absolutely not okay. I was so far from okay, I was in a whole different galaxy.
Slowly, slowly, though, the tears began to ebb. The tightness in my chest eased, and my gasps evened out until I could finally draw a full breath.
“There you are,” Phobos whispered, running his fingers gently through my hair in a rhythmic pattern that soothed my nerves and sent goosebumps dancing over my skin. “Cameron… that wasn’t just about the broken spear, was it. You can tell me what’s wrong, you know. Maybe I can help.”
I wanted so much to believe him. I let myself believe for a moment that I could tell him what was going on, and that he would believe me.
Leaning back, I tilted my chin up to look him in the face. His eyes were soft, pleading with me. I could trust him, I knew I could. He brushed him thumbs along my cheeks, wiping away my tears. “You’re so beautiful, even when you’re sad.”
He angled his head and moved slowly, giving me lots of time to stop him, but I was still reeling, confused, overwhelmed. Was he going to kiss me? Did I want him to? Maybe I did…
His lips were as soft and warm as a summer breeze, and my eyes fluttered closed. Phobos was gentle, kind, and when I felt his tongue against the seam of my lips, I opened my mouth in invitation. I could be what he wanted, the strong, powerful omega at his side, theunstoppable team. The picture he’d painted, it was so enticing, and I wanted to want it. But deep down I knew… neither of us fit that mold.
Even as the cold sliver of doubt wedged itself between us, I clung to his shirt, dragging him impossibly closer, forcing myself to be present. I wanted him to be rougher, to manhandle me, throw me down and make mefeelsomething good for once, but he remained frustratingly gentle. He moaned into my mouth, but the sound didn’t make me feel sexy and wanted—instead, it had the opposite effect, making me feel like a fraud, urging me to pull away from a future that was never meant for me.
What began as doubt quickly blossomed into dread, curiosity into certainty. This was wrong.
Maybe I shouldn’t have tempted fate.
Phobos’s gentle embrace clamped tight like a vise until my ribs screamed under the pressure, squeezing the air from my lungs. His warm lips turned scalding, searing my skin from my body, and when I gasped, his tongue slithered deep down my throat, choking me. Panic smothered me, painted my vision red. I couldn’t breathe! It was too much,too much!
I stumbled back, gasping, and when Phobos reached to steady me, I slapped his hand away. I brought my hand to my lips, expecting them to be blistered and raw, but found them intact, still moist from his kisses. He looked so worried as I blinked up at him in confusion, the overhead lights burning my oversensitive eyes.
“What was that?” he asked, taking a step closer. “What happened?”
I mirrored his step, moving back, until we both froze, the distance between us both too much and not enough. “It’s nothing, just… I can’t. Do this, I mean.” I waved a hand between us, finding it impossible to look him in the eye. “It’s not you, you’re amazing. I’m sorry,I’m just messed up. I have some stuff going on right now, and it’s not the time for… whatever this is.”
“You’re not messed up,” he said firmly, his jaw set stubbornly. “You’re perfect just the way you are. Whatever you have going on, I’m here for you. Say the word, whatever help you need, just ask and it’s yours.”
I nodded jerkily. He thought I was perfect, but he didn’t know what a lie that was. There was so much going on beneath the surface that he would never be able to see, not even with X-ray vision. I retreated unsteadily toward the stairwell.
He called after me, his voice full of grief. “Hey, Cameron, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to rush you into anything. Take all the time you want. Just promise that you’ll think about us.”
“Yeah. Sure.”
I barely made it up the stairs, clinging to the railing, half crawling. I had no idea how I made it to bed, but I was grateful for the soft mattress as I collapsed face first into my pillow. I could barely keep my eyes open, but I forced myself to stay awake. I needed to make an important phone call.
I’d been a fool trying to live like everyone else for the past ten years. I wasn’t normal, never had been. And expecting a walk-in doctor, who normally treated ear infections and swimmer’s itch, to be able to treat someone as complex as a Chosen One was an error on my part.
This needed a specialist, someone trained in this field. I needed my handler.
Pulling my phone out, I struggled to see the screen clearly. My vision had begun to blur, and it hurt to blink, but I somehow fumbled my way through my contacts and hit dial.
I listened to the ringing on the other end of the phone, half desperate, half hoping he wouldn’t pick up. But then there was a click, and I heard him sigh. “Cameron. It’s been a long time.”
His voice was so familiar, and suddenly, it was like no time had passed at all. Memories flooded my mind, all the good times… and even more of the bad. I swallowed hard, unease eating at me from the inside out. “Barney. I need your help.”
Chapter 8
Deimos
“Sir? My lord, sir,the phone. It’s your sister.”