Page 7 of A Kiss For The Holidays

Suzie is perfect. She’s pretty, she’s smart, she’s kind and I don’t think she has a nasty bone in her body. It’s also been a running joke – one I don’t find funny – that one day she’ll marry Dalton. I’ve heard it from her parents for as long as I can remember. And while they’ve never been together in that way, it’s very hard to miss the way she looks at him. My mind replays her eighteenth birthday and the way she threw herselfat Dalton, while he remained as oblivious as usual.

“It’s good to see you again, little guy.” My eyes snap away from where they’ve been drilling into Suzie’s back as she stands with her hand on Dalton’s arm. Turning, my eyes land on Lane who is wearing a devilish smirk. His blonde hair is darker than his sister’s, but they share the same bright blue eyes. His gaze roams slowly from my face down my body and up again and I feel it as if it’s his fingers caressing me. He laughs then pulls me against his hard chest and ruffles my hair. He smells like sweat and spicy deodorant and I can't help but mentally compare how it feels when he hugs me to how it feels when Dalton does. He's as big as Dalt but it doesn't feel the same; I don't want to melt into him in the way which is my instinctive reaction to Dalton's hugs.

“Hey, Lane. Likewise.” My voice is muffled as he holds me against his body before dropping his arms and taking a step back. “How’s life in Aus? Picked up surfing like you’d planned?”

Lane shrugs. “It’s okay, hot, there’s loads of animals out to kill us and they can’t make a cup of tea for shit, but the surfing is good, and the guys are fucking hot.” He gives me this knowing look and I dip my head not wanting to meet his eyes. Lane was my first – and only – gay friend, the second person I came out to and the only guy who has ever propositioned me. And by propositioned, I mean he once asked if I wanted him to suck my dick. He’s older than me by two years, more experienced and, objectively speaking, very good looking. I can still remember how my body warmed as he’d grazed my ear with his lips then slid his hand down my chest with one destination in mind. My cock had reacted instantly to his proximity and his spicy scent, but I’d stopped him before he'd reached below my waistband, awkwardly thanked him for the offer but politely declined. We never spoke of it again and I never mentioned it to anyone. He’s a good guy, but he’s notmyguy.

Exploring things with Lane would have been hot - I'm sure of that much - but I'm an old romantic and for as long as I can remember, I've had this dream of falling in love in an epic way. I don't want to hookup for the sake of hooking up. When I share a part of myself, I want it tomeansomething.

Suzie leaves Dalton and wanders over to her brother, her eyes lighting up when she sees me. She gives me a hug, her lavender scent overpowering me as she squeezes me tighter. “I’ve missed you, Ash.” She kisses my cheek then pulls away, giving me a smile that’s all white teeth and genuine affection. It would be so much easier if she were an awful person, then I wouldn’t feel so shitty being jealous of her. Not that I have anything to be jealous of other than the fact that she stands a chance with Dalton and I've spent years waiting for them tofall in love.

I shake the thought away. Maybe them being here is a good thing, it’ll make it easier for me to keep my distance from Dalton, to widen that gap between us without him noticing, because he’ll be too busy.

“It’s so great that you’re here, Suz. It’s been far too long. Are you planning on hitting the slopes with Dalt?”

“Damn right she is!” Dalton hops over to us, patting Lane on the back then wrapping his arm around my neck. He presses a kiss to my temple before saying, “Unlike you chicken shit, Suzie has a sense of adventure, don’t you Suz?”

“You can count me in too,” Lane says, then looks at me. “Unless you want some company, hanging around here?”

I shake my head. “Nope, I have plenty of books to keep me company and I’ll explore the area, maybe sit in the café for a bit – you don’t have to worry about me. I’m happy being thechicken shitof the group.” Dalton laughs at the stern look I give him then kisses me on the forehead.

“I’m just joking Ash, you know I love you just as you are.” My heart sings, beating wildly as his words settle before I remind myself that he loves me as hisbest friend.

God, I need to get a grip.

The café is busy, filled with tourists from different parts of the world. I’ve heard people speaking Italian, French and what I think from many years studying languages as a hobby, is Afrikaans. I thank the barista for my drink, then find a small table near the window which looks out onto the slopes. Christmas music plays through the speakers and decorations hang from the natural wooden beams above me. Dalton, Suzie and Lane walked me down here earlier before heading to the ski hire and then off to the lifts to spend a few hours skiing. Our parents were heading out on a historical tour of the local town and our sisters were doing a snowboarding holiday club for under 15’s. I’m fine with the solitude, happy with my own company, especially given how chaotic the villa is when we’re all there.

I spend the next three hours reading, drinking copious amounts of hot chocolate and playing on my phone before my stomach rumbles, signalling that it’s time I ate something of substance. The plan was for the other three to join me for lunch, but looking at my watch I see it’s already after one and there’s no sign of them. I’m nearlyat the front of the queue, ready to order a sandwich and frites when my attention is snagged by the sounds of laughter. A laugh I could pick out in a crowded room with how much I’ve heard it in my lifetime.

Sure enough, Dalton, Lane and Suzie appear at my side moments later. They’re all wearing ski gear and their cheeks are bright red and their hair windswept. Small flakes of snow sit in Dalton’s hair and a few hang onto his eye lashes. I want to reach up and catch them, but I don’t, squeezing my hand tightly to stop myself from touching him. In the two days since the Yorks’ arrival, I’ve managed to keep a reasonable distance, though I’m not sure it’s making any difference in reducing the feelings I have for him. If anything, the distance is making me crave him even more.

“Missed you out there Ash,” Dalton kisses the top of my head but as he reaches for my hand, I step away with the pretence of finding a menu – despite already knowing what I want to order. He makes it so fucking hard sometimes. A frown crosses his features briefly and he looks at me with one brow quirked as if he’s considering something, but it passes quickly when Suzie leans over my shoulder and pulls the menu from my hand.

“I’m so hungry,” she says as she opens the menu and reads before nodding and passing it to Lane who takes it and does the same. We’ve reached the front and a dark haired girl with purple rimmed glasses greets me and takes my order before I step aside and let the others place theirs.

“How was it out there?” I ask, while we're waiting for our orders.

“Epic!” Dalton exclaims and Suzie nods in agreement. “It's pretty busy on the slopes but the conditions are just right. I can't wait to get back out there!”

“Sure you don't want to join us?” Suzie asks.

“And spend the next few hours face down in the snow? No thanks, I'll pass.”

She chuckles as our names are called and we collect our food and walk to where I'd left my belongings.

My table is too small for all of us, so Dalton quickly finds a larger one and he and Lane take a seat while Suzie helps me grab my things. At the larger table, Dalton pushes the chair out next to him, his eyes catching mine as he gestures with his head next to him. I want to sit with him, I want to feel him close to me, to smell his scent and feel his warmth but I don’t. I can’t. So instead, I ignore his imploring looks and take the seat next to Lane. Lane bumps his shoulder into mine as he moves a little closer and I don’t miss the flash of hurt that crosses Dalton’s features.

Before they could head back out onto the slopes, the weather took a turn for the worse. With thick storm clouds darkening the sky and a strong breeze whipping up around us, the ski lifts were forced to close so instead, we all headed back to the villa.

Now, Suz, Dalton and our sisters are laughing over a game ofUnowhile I watch on from the side, a hot chocolate nestled in my hands. Everyone is so happy and I really should be too, but I can’t shake this little stone of sadness that’s lingering in my throat.

A warm body next to me snags my attention away from the happy scene and I shudder as Lane’s hot breath hits my ear.

“I’ve been there, you know?” My eyes snap to his and I follow his gaze back over to where Dalton is now shoving Suzie playfully. I turn to walk into the kitchen and through to the pantry, Lane close on my heels.

“Been where? I don’t know what you mean.” I feign innocence at his comment while pretending to dig through the pantry for something to busy myself with.

Lane stops me with his hand on my shoulder. “In love with my friend. I’ve been there and it hurts.”

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