Page 11 of A Kiss For The Holidays

Emotion builds in my throat and I swallow it down as best I can, getting to my feet to stand in front of Dalton. My ankle throbs as I take a step back, away from his hand dangling just inches from my own.

“You’re pushing me away,” he bangs his hand against his chest before continuing. “I can feel it, this gap that’s suddenly growing between us, and it fucking hurts. Just tell me please, what did I do?” His eyes are wet and it’s all I can do to not reach for him. Lane’s words run through my mind and I decide to go with the truth, even if it makes the next two days unbearable. After this, there is every chance our friendship may change for good.

“I just need some space. You’re still my best friend but I need this.”

His mouth falls open before he slams it shut then watches me silently before speaking again. “Why do you need space? I know I’m a little much at times, but you’ve never had a problem with it. Why now?”

“Because it's getting harder.” I tug at my own hair, spin around and start pacing the room, knowing I'm not making much sense to him. It's just so hard to say what I need to say.

“I don't understand, Ash, please help me understand. What's getting harder? Being my friend?”

My heart, my chest, my head - it all aches at the sadness in his voice and I snap, hating myself for being the one to put it there. Twelve years of friendship and the only secret I've ever kept from him comes rushing out.

“Being your friend and loving you!” My voice booms around the fire lit room.

Dalton takes a step forward, his hands open like he's approaching a scared animal. His eyes are wide and I'm not sure which of us is more surprised by me raising my voice. “But you've always loved me, just like I love you.”

A humourless chuckle leaves me as I shake my head. “I love you, Dalton, yes but I'm also madlyinlove with you. I have been in love with you for years and every timeyou smile at me, or touch me or… no, every time you are simply around me, I fall in love a little harder.” I pause, taking a deep breath before continuing. In for a penny and all that. “When you refused to kiss me, even for a silly game, I knew I was being ridiculous harbouring these feelings for you. You think of me like a brother, you said it yourself, and until that moment I'd been fooling myself with a morsel of hope.” His steps falter as he takes in the sad look in my eyes. His own are glittering and for the first time since I met him, I cannot read the expression on his face. Dalton doesn't say anything, so I continue with my rambling.

“I put some space between us, thinking if you just touched me less, leaned on me less,neededme less, then maybe I'd get over it. That I'd get over you. Don't think I don't know how unfortunate it is to be in love with someone who will never love me back in the same way.”

The silence that ensues has me regretting every word out of my mouth. I feel on edge, my stomach twisting in knots, my feet restless as I wait for him to say something,anything. Dalton looks at me, his expression still unreadable and I break the silence again, hoping I can somehow erase everything I said.

“Look, forget every-”

“I didn’t know,” Dalton finally says as he takes two small steps towards me. We’re standing directly in front of the fire and I can feel the heat of the flames radiating against my legs. My cheeks burn in much the same way as he reaches his hand out and links his pinky with mine. This time, I don’t pull away, my gaze moving down to where we are touching. That he hasn’t run away or gotten mad at me for my confession has tiny hopeful butterflies taking flight in my chest but I try to ignore them, well aware that Dalton still standing here, holding my hand doesn't mean anything more than it did that night at the party.

“I didn’t know,” he says again. “I had no idea you felt that way about me. And -” Dalton’s words cut off as he looks over my shoulder before his blue eyes meet mine. “And I didn’t kiss you because I wasn’t about to steal your first kiss from you. I don't think of you as a brother - I just said that to get out of the dare. It never had anything to do with who you are, but everything to do with what you deserve.” His throat bobs as he steps forward, closing the gap between us and placing his hands on my cheeks. Those butterflies erupt, now at danger of escaping and I feel like my heart is about to join them with the way it’s thumping erratically against my ribcage.

I presumed he didn’t want to kiss me because I’m me - dorky, small, boring Asher, his brotherly best friend - but I was wrong. He was looking out for me - the same way he has been since theday we met.

“What do I deserve?” My voice is quiet, but he hears me. His blue eyes lock on mine before they dip down to my lips and then back up.

“Everything Ash, you deserve everything.”

Chapter 9

Dalton

My best friend loves me. No, he doesn't just love me, he’sin lovewith me and I had no fucking idea. Not a clue. Have the signs always been there and I've been oblivious this whole time? With my hands gripping his cheeks, searching his eyes - those deep, expressive greens that remind me of a forest - I see it now, the love, the hope, the longing.

Though I don’t yet know how I feel about his revelation, I know I have always loved him - maybe not in the way he means, but it’s still love. Trying to untangle the feeling his confession has brewed up inside me, I only come to one conclusion - he’s my favourite person, my constant, my home.My Asher.

It’s as simple as it is complicated.

“What do I deserve?” He asks and it’s the easiest question he’s ever asked me.

“Everything Ash, you deserve everything.” Not a word of that is a lie. My eyes drift to his lips again. What would it be like to kiss him? I’ve never been attracted to a guy before, hell, I’ve only been attracted to maybe three girls but the idea of feeling his soft lips against mine has heat rushing through my blood and it’s suddenly all I can think about.

Would he want me to give him his first kiss?

I lean in a little, not really sure if I’m going to kiss him or not. I feel like I’m on a rollercoaster that’s lost control because less than five minutes ago the thought of kissing Asher had never even crossed my mind. Then he says he loves me and now Iam so beyond confused that I’m starting to give myself a headache.

Asher must read something in my expression because he puts a hand to my chest and pushes me backwards. “I’m sorry I blurted that all out,” he says, then clears his throat and moves away from me to sit on the sofa. Knowing Asher, he’ll try and pretend this didn’t happen, he’ll act like those words he said are not out there in the world, wreaking havoc on me.

I dip my head in a half nod, then sit next to him, one leg bent up and my body facing his. “Please don’t brush it off, can we talk about it?” I still have no idea what to say but it’s suddenly very clear why he wanted some space. If he believed I could never love him in return, every forehead kiss and playful touch must have felt like a cruel tease. Discomfort burns fiercely in my chest because that is the last thing I would ever want to do to him.

“I love you, Dalton and it’s okay that you love me differently. You’ll always be my best friend. Can we just forget I said anything?” He reaches for my pinky, the gesture a balm to my confused heart.

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