Page 5 of A Kiss For The Holidays

A noisy group belting out Christmas carols, passes me and I track their movements as they head down the street towards a parked car, three of them climbing in and then driving off while the others head on further down to where Asher parked earlier inthe evening. I follow behind them, hope blossoming when I see his old Ford Focus still parked on the curb where we left it and let out a relieved breath when I see the light from a phone inside, lighting up his silhouette.

Giving him no warning, I swing the door open and throw my big body into the warmth of his car. Immediately his comforting scent of lemons and honey hits me and I breathe out deeply, letting the tension drain from my body. “Hey, I’ve been looking for you. You okay? You didn’t say you were leaving.”

Ash doesn’t say anything as he looks up from his phone, adjusts his glasses and turns his head to look at me. It’s dark in the cabin of his car once his phone powers down and I can’t make out his facial features as he clears his throat and answers me. “Yeah, I’m fine, just felt tired and have the start of a headache. The music and smoke weren’t helping.” His voice doesn’t sound quite right but I can’t put my finger on why.

While I am certain Ivy was wrong, I ask Asher anyway, “So you’re not mad at me ‘cause of what happened in there?” I point to the window behind me, in the direction of the party, though I doubt he can see me in the darkness. “You know I didn’t mean -”

He cuts me off as he starts the car and the radio blasts outSnowmanby Sia. “I know. It’s all good, let's go home,” he says over the music, sounding more like the Asher I know. I lean my head back and close my eyes, grateful that my best friend isn’t angry at me. Breathing a sigh of relief, my eyelids grow heavy and the motion of the car has me drifting to sleep. I knew Ivy was wrong, Asher understands why I didn’t kiss him. It was all a misunderstanding.

I wake with a start when Asher pulls up outside our house and swats me on the arm. “We’re here. Come on, time for bed.” Shaking away my sleepy daze, I slide my hand over the console to link my pinky finger with his but as our fingers brush, Asher lifts his hand abruptly and rubs it through his hair. I wince at the movement but drop my hand to my lap and turn away from him as my heart squeezes, aching from not being able to touch him in this way that has long since become our form of comfort. I tell myself not to read too much into it, that it wasn’t intentional, as I open the car door and climb out. He follows closely behind me, and we walk down the driveway and into the house.

“Sure you’re okay?” He doesn’t turn to look at me, fiddling with his keys as he locks up the house. The lights are all out as our other housemates have all left already for the holidays.

“Yep, fine. Get some sleep, Dalton, I’ll see you in the morning.” He nods and myeyes catch his - they don’t sparkle like usual and he looks tired but when he yawns, I put it down to the fact that it is really late and it has been a long night.

We’ve reached his bedroom door and he doesn’t look at me again as he slides inside. “Okay, Ash, sleep well,” I say to the closing door, feeling an emptiness in the pit of my stomach that I can't quite understand.

Chapter 4

Asher

The queue for security at the airport is a mile long, and I’m irritable and tired. Dalton may have been the one drinking last night but he’s his usual cheery self this morning, while I feel like someone hit me with a truck, an annoying ache pounding behind my eyes. Besides the headache, my mood is sour, the events of last night fuelling a fire in my stomach. I can’t help but focus on the fact that Dalton was dared to kiss me and he didn’twantto.

It was that same feeling I had when I was picked last for dodgeball in junior school and the team who got me mumbled unhappily under their breaths - only multiplied by a trillion. Because unlike those times in P.E. class - where I brushed it off, not caring what the other students thought of me - I give a huge damn what Dalton thinks of me and he obviously doesn’t think I’m worth even a measly kiss.

You didn’t want to kiss him there, remember?Reminding myself of this doesn’t make it any better.

Dalton’s big body pushes into me from behind and I startle out of my thoughts, noticing a huge space has opened up between me and the person ahead of me. Shuffling forward while pulling my hand luggage along, I close the gap and reach into my pocket to double check I have my passport.

“You’re in daydream land, Ash, keep up.” Dalton wraps his arms around my neck from behind and rests his heavy weight on my shoulders, making fucking butterflies whip into a frenzy in my chest. His scent, which has long since become a part ofmy dreams and the source of some of my wildest, dirtiest fantasies, along with his deep voice, wafts around me and I want to both sink into him and pull away. I’m so hopelessly in love with him but also irrationally mad at him and myself and the two feelings clashing inside have me on edge.

“It’s way too early and you’re far too happy for this time of the day,” I say, my body tensing beneath him. I’ve never reacted like this or pushed him away in all the years I’ve known him but today, it feels too much. Thankfully, the line moves forward again before I try to shake him off and he releases me to grab his own bag. We move forward, nearly at the front and Dalton comes to stand beside me.

“This holiday is going to be great. Last I checked, they’d had a load of fresh snow fall on the slopes. It’s prime skiing conditions, with all that white powder just waiting to welcome us.” He skips a step forward before pulling out his phone. Keeping my eyes on the lady in front of me, I make an agreeablehmmmsound and take a few more steps forward.

A group who've reached the security gate are removing their belts and shoes and placing their items in trays ready for inspection. “Well, this sucks,” Dalton says and I turn taking in the frown lines wrinkling up his forehead as he looks at his phone.

“What is it?” Automatically, I glance up to the departure boards to check our flight and see that it’s still on time, then turn back to Dalton.

“Forecast for later in the week shows a weather warning for heavy snowfall. I know that can affect visibility, hopefully it won’t be too bad and we can still get some days of skiing in.” He wraps his arm around my neck and bumps the side of my head with his, and my traitorous chest butterflies do somersaults at his proximity. Again. “Sounds kind of fun, being snowed in with our families in a villa. Log fire burning, hot chocolate, your mum’s mac and cheese, all of us crowded around a board game.”

A chuckle works its way up my throat at the picture he’s painted - so idyllic and quaint andnothinglike what it would really be like if we got trapped together. At one point I'd have loved the idea, but not so much anymore.

“That’s a nice idea but you know what it would really be like? Our dads would get super competitive, turning any board game we play into a debate, our mums would get carried away with the gluhwein and our sisters - and you - would get cabin fever being trapped indoors.” My sister, Clem, and his, Cordelia, are a lot like him in their love of the outdoors and their exuberance for life. The three of them could never be kept in one place for very long, it wouldn’t go well, not with all that trapped energy. I don't mention how difficult it would be for me to keep space between us if we were snowed in - and right now, I really need that space.

“Nah, I think it would be epic.” He takes his arm off my shoulder then runs it along the nape of my neck. My body reacts with thousands of goosebumps popping up over my skin and I’m grateful for the long sleeves I have on. I bat his hand away, attempting to make it seem playful. I know if I asked him to stop, he would but he’d possibly also want to know why. Afterall, he’s been this way with me for twelve years and I’ve never said anything.

We were seventeen the first time his warm embrace had my body reacting viscerally and I’d wrenched myself away from him, my cheeks flaming and dashed off with some or other excuse. It was at that same time that my feelings for him crossed the line of platonic. I’ve loved him in secret for so long now, but what happened last night cemented the fact that it’s time to move on and shake off those feelings. The only way to do that is to put a little distance between us. Maybe in time, once I'm back on the other side of the line, things can go back to how they used to be before I fell in love with my best friend.

We finally make it through the security checkpoint and head to the restaurant where we’re meeting our families and I smile widely when I spot our sisters sitting together, their heads bent over a magazine, a ton of stationery scattered on the table around them. For the second Christmas in a row, his brother, Noah, has been unable to join us. His job in the US keeps him too busy to travel at this time of year.

“There you are! We were wondering if you’d make it on time or if you’d partied too hard last night,” Mum says as she and Dalton’s mum stand from the table and come over to hug us.

“As if Asher would ever let us be late,” Dalton says and goes to reach for me, but I duck and step away, moving to pull up a chair next to my sister. His eyes catch mine as I sit - his lips are pursed and one eyebrow is raised but if he's wondering why I dodged him, he doesn't say anything. Dalton hates confrontation but I’d be naive to think he won’t eventually notice the crater I’m digging between us.

Chapter 5

Dalton

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