Page 23 of A Kiss For The Holidays

It’s impossible to get Asher alone the rest of the day, with all the people vying for our attention. We manage to each grab a quick shower and change of clothes before our parents, in an attempt to make up for the day we missed, usher us into the sitting room to play games and roast marshmallows. Dad’s dressed as Santa again and is handing out the remaining gifts from under the tree and as soon as that is over, mum puts on a film and drags me to the sofa with her, laying her head on my shoulder while we watch her favourite Christmas film - a tradition of ours, usually done on Christmas Eve. WithLove, Actuallyplaying on the big screen, the fire crackling and a full belly, my eyelids grow heavy and as much as I try to fight off the sleep calling me, Martin Freeman’s naked ass is the last thing I see before I lose the battle.

Chapter 18

Asher

Fun.

I hate that fucking word and I want to kick myself and my stupid, hope-filled heart for thinking Dalton could love me the way I love him. For believing when he said our time in the cabin meant something to him. To believe that my first kiss and giving him my virginity actually meant something to him. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

I wasn’t asking him to out himself in front of our families - I wouldneverdo that - but he said himself he was happy for them to know about us. I thought we could just get it over with then and there. I wanted so badly to crawl into his lap and kiss him, to show everyone that I love him and to spend our last few days of this holiday as a couple. I got ahead of myself, clearly, so the crack in my heart really is my fault and only mine. He's always been so quick to change his mind about things - always hopping from one sport or club or hobby to the next. It stings to know I was just another entry on the list of ‘things Dalton has tried but chose not to see through’.

“Hey, Ash?” I look up from where I’m lying on my bed, trying to read, to find Lane at my door, learning against the doorframe. “Mind if I come in?”

“Sure. You’re not watching the film?”

Lane wrinkles his nose and shakes his head. “Not a fan of romance movies. I left the others down there. The girls are asleep in their room and Dalton is passed out on the sofa. I think our dads are playing a card game but, with the amount of whiskey consumed, I’m not sure any of them remember the rules.” He laughs then tentativelytakes a seat at the end of the bed.

“Are you okay? It’s just that - “

“I told him I’m in love with him,” I blurt and it feels so good to get it off my chest that I don’t stop there. “And we kissed and did….other things.”

“Oh,” Lane starts. “And now you’re what? Friends with benefits?”

I shake my head vehemently, making my neck ache with how desperately I need to quash that idea. “No, definitely not. He said he wanted me. We discussed it and said we’d tell everyone that we’re together. He said it’s what he wants too.”

Lane nods slowly and I clench my fists at the pity I see in his eyes. This is how it’s always going to be isn’t it? Everyone pitying sad, old Asher for pining for his best friend.

“That’s what you wanted to tell us,” Lane says, a statement not a question. “But he changed his mind.” Another statement that comes with a stab to my already aching heart. “Because Dalton so often changes his mind.”

“Yep.” I pop the p, then suck in my lips. “So yeah, big fucking mistake. Huge. I should never have told him. Loving him in silence without knowing what it was like to be with him was a hell of a lot easier than… this.” I rub at the ache in my chest then flop back on my bed with a sigh.

“I’m sorry, Ash. I don’t have any words of wisdom because quite honestly, I am a disaster when it comes to relationships. Look, the reason I came in here was to say that I’m leaving in a few hours.”

I sit up at that news, waiting for him to elaborate.

“I have a job interview in London in two days so I’m taking an early flight in the morning. My cab will be here just after four.” He rubs at the back of his neck. “Do you um… do you want to come with me?”

So much about what Lane has just said catches me by surprise and by the way my brows raise, I am sure he doesn’t miss it. “You’re moving back to London?”

“For a bit. A job opportunity at a marketing firm came up, and a friend got me the interview. The guy interviewing me is going away soon but has availability right before New Year’s so it’s a little last minute.”

“But you love Australia.”

“I do, mostly. This is just something I want to try. Life is too short not to take chances.”

Unless those chances break your heart, I think to myself, before moving on to the next part of what Lane’s just said to me.

“You want me to go with you?”

He nods. “Maybe you want to get away from here? Away from Dalton. You live with him, you’re always together, maybe a little distance wouldn’t hurt? You could come with me to London or go home - up to you.”

Suddenly putting space between Dalton and I seems like an incredibly good idea - the size of the English Channel is the kind of space I need. A niggling feeling in my gut tells me that running isn’t the answer, but the thought of seeing him in the morning and hearing about how he changed his mind has my stomach clenching uncomfortably. I already know we’re not about to be everything I’d hoped, I don’t need him to confirm it.

“Okay. If I can get a ticket, I’ll join you.”

I pull up my phone and type in the flight details, making my hasty escape and leaving my best friend - the love of my life - behind.

Chapter 19

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