Page 59 of Branson's Promise

Westminster Abbey, Big Ben, The London Eye, The Houses of Parliament, Buckingham Palace, Piccadilly Circus, Leicester Square and Covent Garden made up the list of places we walked between on our first morning in London. Mia took a few thousand photos, bought dozens of postcards, keyrings and magnets and made us kiss in front of every landmark. By the time our afternoon tea rolled around, I was exhausted and ready for a massage. Or sex. A massage and sex.

Caleb and August brought mum along, meeting us at the large department store that hosted the best cream tea London had to offer. Being this close to Christmas, decorations adorned the ceiling and festive music played softly through hidden speakers. The restaurant was busy, all the tables full with people eating from tall stands of pastries and sandwiches and drinking tea from porcelain cups. Mia looked at everything like a child in a toy store, her eyes wide, drinking it all in. She delicately traced the porcelain tea cups before picking up and taking a bite from her first finger sandwich.

“I’d have one of these every week if I lived here. Who knew tea and sandwiches could bethisgood?” She spoke around another bite.

“I think you’d get tired of it pretty quickly,” Caleb said before adding, “well, not the tea. There's something comforting about a good cup of tea, especially out of a teapot.”

“Has marriage aged you prematurely or something?” Noel quipped and August scowled at him. It wasn’t an uncommonlook for August to shoot Noel - I’d seen it a few times in the run up to the wedding. August didn’t like anyone making fun of his husband, especially not Noel. But Caleb just chuckled, throwing his own retort back at his best friend.

“You’re one to talk, ‘Mr lets-buy-a-house-and-get-a-dog’, you’re just as domesticated as me, don’t pretend you’re not,” Caleb said and, catching the look on Noel’s face, slammed his mouth shut. “Oh, shit sorry.”

Excitement like little bubbles popped in my stomach. “A house?”

Noel looked from me, then over to a very quiet Milo. “Don’t get excited, I simply told Caleb - in confidence,” he shot Caleb a glare before continuing, “that I was tired of living in a hotel and that the three of us - and Juliet and Lena - would be more comfortable in our own home. Nothing has been decided and I had planned to talk to the two of you about it after this trip.”

This was a big step. Ahugestep, but if Noel wanted to move into our own place in New York, then I’d do it. As homesick as I felt, as much as I ached to return to the UK, I’d never leave the two of them. We’d be happy there, I just knew it.

Milo remained silent throughout the whole conversation, the air around us suddenly feeling tense and awkward. Mia broke the silence, listing all the things we were going to do the following day. She was a girl after my own heart with her endless lists, but I was shattered just thinking about another day walking around London, my aching feet a testament to how many steps we’d done. I wondered if maybe I could talk her into taking a tour bus instead.

That night we ventured into London to see the Christmas lights down Oxford and Regent Street. Milo and Mia walked arm in arm in front of Noel and I, Mia occasionally dragging Milo into a store, oftentimes emerging with a carrier bag. He’d told usonce that he wasn’t a very good brother, but he was wrong and it was so evident by the way he treated Mia.

As I watched them laughing, it amazed me - not for the first time - how someone who’d had their heart broken so many times by the person who was meant to love them unconditionally, had the capacity to love others as fiercely as Milo did. But maybe it shouldn't surprise me because Milo was all goodness and compassion, with a heart so resilient it made me honoured that I was one of the people it loved.

We’d reached a particularly pretty side street, adorned with twinkling white lights when Mia stopped and turned towards us. “You three, stand over there,” she pointed to a tall Christmas tree decorated in blue and white baubles, then lifted her phone in a gesture to indicate she wanted to take a photo.

Milo and Noel flanked me on either side, wrapping their arms around me and squeezing in tightly. Once Mia had taken a few shots, they both kissed me on the cheek, holding still while she took another. “That one is perfect!” she exclaimed, before asking a passing tourist to take photos of the four of us together.

“I love you,” I whispered into Noel’s ear before turning and saying the same to Milo. Christmas this year was set to be the best in a very long time.

Chapter 29

Milo

London was awesome; it was also huge and, by the time Branson and I were done trailing behind Mia from tourist site to tourist site, I was ready for a hot shower and comfy bed.

Unfortunately, Noel’s parents hadn't been able to meet us in London because of an appointment they couldn’t change, so Noel had said that he would drive up to see them briefly while Branson took Mia and I on the London Eye. We’d all offered to go with him, but with the drive time, it would have cut out an entire day of sightseeing and we were already down to our last one.

So, for the day, it was just the three of us traipsing through London, the cold November air burning our cheeks. It was worth the exhaustion just seeing the way Mia lit up with each new fact she learned. She was beyond fascinated with the city, reading every plaque, amassing countless brochures and asking Branson tons of questions. My poor boyfriend mostly relied on his phone to find the answers, but he didn’t seem to mind, matching Mia’s enthusiasm with his own. On the tube - the trainline that ran underground throughout London - Mia struck up a conversation with a guy in a business suit and Branson sat back and laughed, whispering to me that it was an unspoken agreement that you don’t talk to strangers on the tube. But this guy had smiled and happily engaged with Mia, so I had no idea what Branson was on about.

The whole day, my mind kept returning to the conversation around the table at our afternoon tea. Noel wanted to buy a housefor us. The confession had hit me like a rock to the stomach, and I had to work hard to keep my face neutral and to not let on to everyone at the table that the thought scared the fuck out of me. I still had my days where his immense wealth set me on edge and while I could admit this was no fault of Noel’s, it didn’t stop those old feelings from surfacing. I had to remind myself that I was paying my own way now, even if it had been months since we’d lived in our apartment, we were still renting it.

I had a job and my own money and two men who loved me, neither of which would hurt me like my father had. It was important to me that I was independent, but how much of that independence I was willing to give up for Noel and Branson, I wasn’t sure. The fact that I refused to terminate the lease on our apartment while living permanently in Noel’s hotel suite spoke volumes. I trusted them, I knew I was safe with them, but deep down I knew that holding onto my own place was my crutch, mysafety net should everything go to shit. Because I never wanted to feel like I was trapped again.

And now, with the mention of the house, I could feel myself spiralling. Uncertainty and anxiety swirled with excitement about what this meant for us. Could I even afford to contribute towards it? Would Noel let me? No part of me could accept him justgivingit to us; that would put me back in the position I was in only a few months ago.

It’s not the same,I reminded myself. This was something Noel wanted to do for us, not to control us but because he loved us.

Now, sitting on the bed waiting for Branson to return from walking Mia to her room, that all too familiar feeling of panic started to surface. My body trembled, and my breathing became erratic as nausea swished in my stomach. I hated the way panic could hit me at any time, and for reasons it shouldn’t. Who the fuck panicked about living with people they loved?I was a mess.

Using the grounding exercise my new therapist had shown me, I went through the things I could hear, smell, feel, see and taste until the nausea subsided and my breathing was almost back to normal. Branson returned practically skipping into the room, anI Love Londonmug the colours of the Pride flag in his hand. “I love your sister, I’m claiming her as my sister now too, just FYI. Look at what she ga-.” As his eyes landed on me, his words faded and he placed the mug down, falling to his knees in front of me. “What’s wrong?” His hands gripped my upper legs tightly. My skin was cold beneath my jeans, a contrast to his warm hands and I wanted to sink into his touch.

Shaking my head caused dark strands of hair to flop over my eyes. “Nothing, just feeling tired. Nothing to worry about.”

Branson scrunched up his nose and I was stunned, not for the first time, with how well he could see right through my mask. “You sure that’s all it is?” He pushed the wayward strands awayfrom my forehead in a slow, gentle movement and I nodded weakly. “Tell me what you need.”

You. Noel. To not be afraid. To be able to move forward without feeling like I’m trapped in the past.I didn’t say any of that though, instead, I leaned into him and rested my forehead on his, not so subtly breathing him in. “Just stay with me.”

“Always.” God, I hoped he meant that. “How about we give that hot tub a go?” Branson asked, looking over my shoulder towards the patio where a huge jacuzzi sat, steam rising off of it and into the cold night air.

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