Page 56 of Butterfly Effect

“You know how it goes” —I shrug and scoff with an uneasy smile, wanting to tell her it’s not what she thinks— “we’re optimizing our time together before going on the road.”

What’s one more lie to top off this Jenga tower?

In reality, Wade’s place has been nothing short of a shipwreck.

We agreed to three nights a week where we make a quick public appearance, post a picture or short clip on social media, and I stay over. Despite promising me the choice of any guest room in the penthouse, disaster has struck one by one.

The first bedroom, furthest away from him, had an uneven bed frame. Like a shady bar’s table where one leg is shorterthan the rest. Semiconscious me thought we were hit by an earthquake every time I rolled over.

My drowsy form swayed in the doorway of his bedroom, pillow raised above me, ready to attack the sleeping bastard. I knew it wasn’t technically his fault, but at 1 a.m., I didn’t give a shit.

I shrieked like a banshee and smacked Wade several times. He protected his head with both arms. “What the fuck, Gabe?”

One more slap with the pillow to his stupidly hot face is for good measure. “I thought I was dying!”

“From what? Snoring?”

“Shut up! I don’t snore. The bed is broken.” My feet stomped back to the room and climbed carefully back onto the mattress, hoping fear wouldn’t off me in my sleep.

Plans to have a quiet night in watching The Great British Bake Off alone was a failure. It’s supposed to be a family show, but they’re no better than the hockey team with the constant innuendos. And if that didn’t get me overheated, faulty wiring in the next bed’s mattress pad almost burned the skin off my back.

“Why can’t you replace it?” I chided. “This is the kind of problem easily solved by throwing money at it. Not like you don’t have enough.”

“I would if I could, but my PA tells me these things are on backorder.” Wade groaned and pulled his cover up. “Are you always this difficult, Finch? Just choose another room.”

I almost fell into a black hole in the third bedroom. Some of the bed slats were hanging by a thread, and my ass got sucked in thesecond I laid down, shooting my limbs up directly into the air like a folded-over Barbie.

“Hold on.”

I couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Got it? I’m gonna pull!”

My fist gripped the thick nylon rope attached to the lifesaver, a leftover prop from one of Wade’s infamous theme parties.

The harsh tug launched me right into his arms, and I recovered by shoving him back through the doorway from where he entered.

The fourth bedroom sprung a leak in the washroom and ruined the hardwood. It’s a construction zone now. The planks, padding, and plywood have been ripped out, baring the cement foundation.

“You’re not here that much.” I paced his bedroom length. “And have only owned the place for five years. How is it possible your penthouse is falling apart?”

“Go to sleep, Nancy Drew. You can solve this mystery in the morning.”

I didn’t dare to sleep in the one that stored previously used hockey equipment. It was somehow worse than the locker room and smelled like someone hoarded piles of steaming raccoon shit for no less than a decade. You couldn’t bribe me with a hazmat suit to go in there.

The door immediately snapped shut after a single sniff. My gagging echoed down the hallway.

“Yo!” Wade yelled from his bedroom.“Cut out the gagging, will ya? Unless you want to be gagged.”

I mocked him, warping my face.

“And in case it wasn’t clear,” he continued. “I meant with my cock!”

After he booked out a movie theater—not one theater, the entire Cineplex—to watch Mean Girls on October third, I was convinced his place was haunted. All four of the bedframe’s legs gave out at once in the sixth bedroom.

“Hey, Pretty Boy, maybe if you spent less time on making your hair wispy and more time selecting quality furniture, I wouldn’t be at Death’s door every time I stay over. With your eight figures, one would think you’d be able to afford nicer stuff.”

Our arguments became a regular occurrence, and I swear he got some sick pleasure from it.

---