Indi manages to simultaneously keep and break the promise.
The good-luck, pre-game photos are no longer of my goofy, sweet girl. Worst-case scenarios play on a constant loop in my head, affecting my performance on the ice. Fletch and Szecze head up the shots. I barely manage a few assists and a point in over the next two games. My eyes search the crowds every time, but I know my lucky charm's not there.
When I fly back to Ottawa, low lights in the penthouse draw attention to Indi's slumped shadow on the living room couch. “Baby?”
She straightens to the edge of the cushion. “It's not enough.”
“What?” My gear bag slides from my shoulder and thuds to the floor.
“One of your rules—you asked me to tell you what I wanted. And I know it hasn't been that long, but it's not enough to be your girlfriend. Not forever.”
Every muscle in my legs turns to noodles. I falter to the ottoman across from her. “So, what does that mean?”
Puffy circles darken her under-eyes. Blotchy reds spot her nose, cheeks, and neck. The steadiness in her voice could've fooled me into thinking she wasn't upset.
“It means you should probably take this.” She fidgets to grip the handles of the brown paper bag next to her feet and offers it to me.
“What is it?”
“Things you left at my place.”
“I don't want it back,” I interrupt. I want you to keep it. I want you to keep me.
“It'syourstuff.” Indi pulls her lips into her mouth for a moment. “I don't want this to end either, but—”
In a brash swipe, I knock the bag from her hands to the side. “Then don't let it.”
“Landon.” Her head tilts. “We can't go on knowing we're not gonna agree about this.I love you.” She clasps her hands over mine, the touch almost cruel. “I've loved for yousolong and denied myself for as long. But when I stopped fighting, I gave you all of me. You healed parts of me I thought would always be broken.” The pads of her thumbs unsuccessfully circle comfort into my skin. “I'm so grateful for that, but you've also taught me not to settle. I won't trap you in something you don't want and resent me for the rest of our lives. And I don't see a compromise.”
My eyelashes stick together with tears. Her logic isn't wrong. Doesn't mean it hurts any less. Some sort of punishment, a cold shoulder, the silent treatment,anythingwould feel better than her acceptance and understanding. I tighten my hold on her hands from underneath.
“Are we still friends?” I know the answer, but I can't help it. I'm curious to see how far she'll go to spare my feelings.
A laugh sighs from her. Her somber smile displays those precious dimples and has my heart caving in. “Yeah, Radek. We're still friends.” Lie.
“Will you pick up if I call you? Or respond to my texts?”
“Of course.” Another lie.
We lean further toward one another with every sentence. Until there's nowhere else to go. Our foreheads tap together. “I love you so much, baby.” I nudge her nose with mine, begging for a kiss.
Indi pulls away. “Friends don't kiss.” If words were knives, my chest would be sliced clean open. She stands. “I should go.”
“I don't want you to.” Words choke and burn my throat.
“I know. But I should.” Indi getting to her full height makes it seem final. I'm not ready. It's too soon. My fingers latch onto hers, unwilling to let go. “It's gonna be okay.”
When our hands snap apart, so does whatever is left of my heart.
—————
Two sleepless nights later, I can't stand it any longer. If she won't talk to me, I'll go talk to her. I barge in through the office door, surprised the name on it is unchanged. She didn't take on being a partner.
“Sir, can I help you?” An unfamiliar receptionist attacks me with a customer-service smile, blocking the entryway toward the desks with her body.
“I need to see Indira Davé.” A professional response. I tug at the lapels of my blazer, reining in some feigned sense of control when I feel anything but. “I'm a client.”
Her smile wanes as she taps her tablet. “Do you have an appointment?”