Page 49 of Highland Hearts Holiday Bookshop

Wallace batted at my glass, trying to dip his paw in my wine, and I snatched it out of his reach.

“Sir. Rude.” Harper tapped his forehead and he gave her a look as though to say he knew he was being cheeky and did not care in the slightest. “And it was an adjustment, living in a small town. But one that I found I welcomed quickly. I guess I’d been missing community is all.”

“And why is he a warrior kitten?”

Harper’s grin widened. “My boyfriend had me convinced that the Scots carried kittens into battle in their sporrans.”

At that, Alexander huffed out a laugh.

“Is the sporran the purse thing around the waist?”

“It is not a purse, lass.” Alexander groaned and pinched his nose.

“Hey, Rosie!” I turned as Esther called my name. The pub was almost full, and everyone looked at me expectantly. My eyebrows lifted.

“Yes?”

“If you had to put clothes on a seahorse, in this case, a Santa suit, which end would you put it on?”

My mouth dropped open and Alexander laughed outright this time.

“Oh, here we go,” Harper murmured at my back.

“Seahorses don’t have arms, do they?” I asked.

“Nope. Just little fins to propel them,” Meredith said, squinting at her phone.

“So if you put them in a coat, they wouldn’t be able to swim?” I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation.

“That’s what I said,” Esther said.

“But their tail is kind of curly. You’d just put a one-legged trouser on them instead then?” Shannon looked up at the ceiling as she considered.

“Wouldn’t that be a maxi skirt then?” Cherise asked.

“You can’t put a seahorse in a Santa maxi skirt,” Esther said, her hand at her throat, appalled.

“What if it is a she? Mrs. Claus?” Cherise argued.

“Did you know that the male seahorses carry the babies?” Gregory asked.

“See? The woman is the one leaving thehouse and going to work while the man cares for the babies. That means she should get a Santa skirt,” Cherise said.

“You want the seahorse in a skirt and no top?” Meredith asked. “What about, you know, her breasts?” Meredith held her hands in the air in front of her chest, as though we needed an explanation of what breasts were.

“I don’t think seahorses have breasts,” I said, wheezing with laughter.

“What about just a cap?” Alexander volunteered. “No outfit, just a cap. That way the seahorse can swim and yet is still in a festive spirit.”

The Book Bitches looked at him, horrified.

“You want the seahorse to be naked? With just a Santa cap? What is this,Magic Mike?” Esther demanded.

“I have no idea how to answer that,” Alexander hissed at my ear.

“Maybe you could hang some Christmas lights around its neck? Or tinsel?” I suggested.

“Hmm. Tinsel could work. Covering all the naughty bits.” Shannon gave me an approving look.

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