Page 33 of Wrath

I'm not making sense. It's too late. Phone says 1:49. I checked the phone to see the light. I've got a text from Cara, but I'm not replying. I'm pretending to be with her so this guy she likes will get jealous. Stupid, stupid Ezra.

Anyway, it's a good ruse, and she knows. Cara knows it's only play. She doesn't like me. Landry does, though.

My eyes shut. I can't help it. Not a lot of good nights lately. No screaming, but still.

I like it outside. I would never roll off. Not relaxed enough. Just dozing. It's not quiet enough to seem like that place. I can hear the traffic.

I rub at the back of my hand.

Chicken pox. That makes me smile. Not my best lie.

I think of the cabin, and at first, it's almost good to remember. Sometimes I forget the cabin, with its rocking chairs and that big ax that used to rest against the front door's frame. Riley, and the red berries. I smile.

God, that fucking cabin.

I feel like I'm floating through it as sleep drags me under. Holding me underwater.I don’t really want to die from drowning…

In the dream, I'm chopping wood. My shoulders and my triceps ache. It feels like there'll never be enough, but winter's coming. I can smell it in the air. The way the morning bites; that's a new thing for me.

It's not winter, but it will be, and I need to make her like it. I keep chopping and there's no more berries. Only bunnies. Ishould run. I should run despite the big fence. We should both run.

I wake with a whimper in my throat and Miller's hands holding my shoulders.

"Hey..."

I look up. Clouds over the moon, and Miller—right there.

He's still got my shoulders, warming my skin with his grip. He leans back a fraction. The clouds shift, and I see his face is twisted. “Dude, are you okay?”

I rub my eyes, trying to get my voice steady. "Fell asleep.”

“What are you doing out here?” he says. “It’s 2:30 the night before school starts.”

His hands move off me, and I sit up. Miller really does look wide-eyed, so I guess I must have screamed or something.

I give him a slow smirk. “You always get your beauty sleep, Millsy?”

“Not anymore.” He frowns and leans in closer, and I notice as he does that my eyes feel wet.

“Are you okay?”He asks it quietly.

I look at his good boy Miller face, his messy dark hair.

“Are you?” I can't help leering at him. When I'm near him, it just fucking burns inside me. What a perfect, good boy Miller. I can see a nipple through his T-shirt, and I can't stop myself: I reach out and flick it.

He jerks back, hissing a curse, and that's when I see what's in his pants.

Josh

"What the fuck?"

I've only been awake two minutes. Woke up to Ezra screaming. I figured he'd fallen off the roof and broke his leg or something, so I hopped out the window as fast as I could.

He was crying, lying on his side with an arm over his face, his shoulders shaking till I woke him up.

Now he looks at my pants, his face hard with fury. "That's not supposed to happen."

I look down at myself. Yeah, I've got a boner. What the fuck does he mean that it's not supposed to happen? "It does, in the middle of the night! Go to bed and get off the roof. How about that?"

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