Page 271 of Wrath

He looks down. “Nice eye,” he says. He looks so nerdy in the glasses. He seems shy as I beckon him in. He seems so shy, I end up making tea for him and trying to makehimfeel at ease. When he says he likes my apartment, I take a deep breath and say, “Actually, it’s our apartment. Well, not really. It’s my boyfriend Josh’s. But I basically live here with him.”

Dirk’s eyes widen over the rim of his teacup, and I can’t help laughing.

“There weren’t any rumors,” he says, blinking, wide-eyed. “I saw nothing about this in all my digging. Heard nothing.”

I shrug. “Some people on campus know. And on the team. Maybe no one wanted to share it. Anyway, my boyfriend Josh is here. He’ll probably be out in a few minutes.”

Mills is clearly listening, because he’s out within one minute. He’s wearing a button-up and khaki pants and looking like the most gorgeous guy on the planet with his dark hair curling slightly on his forehead and his blue eyes and that smile. Polite and kind, as ever.

“Hi,” he says—and I make a note to rag on him for saying “hi” to ourNew York Timesreporter. “I’m Josh Miller.”

“The boyfriend,” I tack on.

Dirk’s blond brows furrow, and he looks from Josh to me. “I have you down as the stepbrother.”

Miller’s face is priceless. He arches a brow and gives Dirk a wicked little grin without missing a beat. He says, “I’m that, too.”

Dirk’s hand goes to his cheek, and he mimes a swoon. “This story is getting interesting. Sorry to be glib.” He laughs, and I take Miller’s hand and lead him to the loveseat.

“It’s okay to be glib. We’re stepbrother fuckers. We’re okay with glib.”

“I won’t quote you on that,” Dirk laughs.

Miller squeezes my hand, and we all sober some as the reporter gets into what he’s really here to do. He’s here to do a so-called “human interest” profile on me—Ezra Masters, the Bama quarterback—but it’s one that will be tied into a big story theTimesis doing about conversion therapy. Alongside the larger investigative piece, which is actually a four-part series,there’ll be a story about Alton. How the place closed at the end of January—under legal pressure following a victims’ lawsuit. A lawsuit financed by Evermore United Church, and one that has my name on it. A lawsuit that might not wrap before the FBI starts making arrests; Luke says those are coming soon, but I’m not telling Dirk that.

“We can do the profile on you and not link it to the series on conversion therapy,” Dirk tells me now. “I mean, my editor will be miffed with me since you said you were okay with it, but I’m willing to do that,” he says. “You don’t have to talk about it. After I leave here, I’m going to give you a day or two to change your mind. So you have time to think about it.”

I tell him I don’t need that. “I’m going to Pastor Luke’s church, Evermore, this summer. I’m not that religious, but they’re doing stuff there for survivors.” I say the word without a wobble in my voice, and I feel proud. “Everyone will know I’m out there, being part of that. I already have an interview with ESPN planned for next week. As soon as the suit got filed three weeks ago, they called me.”

“So you’re ready,” he says.

“Yeah.” I squeeze Miller’s hand. “We’re both ready.”

“You want to come out in theNew York Times?” Dirk makes a bug-eyed face like he thinks we’re insane.

“Umm…” I laugh, and Josh says, “We do. We’re both out to everybody personal. I told my dad last week, and that went okay,” he says.

Dirk asks—discreetly, and with hesitation—if the football program is okay with it, and I’m relieved to tell him I came out to them after the Rose Bowl.

“Ahh,” he says. “Because Josh went out on the field.” His eyes widen. “I need to hear that story.”

I refill his tea three times over the course of our story. It’s not the whole story, but I hit most of the high points. I’ve been rehearsing what to say about Alton, so I know how much I wantto reveal and which parts I’d rather keep private. By the time he’s wrapping up, he’s got three crumpled tissues in his lap, but he looks…brighter.

“This is all very inspiring. I don’t mean that as a platitude. Just…the amount of courage it takes to speak about this rather than keeping it hidden. You didn’t have to add your name onto the lawsuit.”

I nod. I think of myself on TV sometime in the future, talking about Alton. On a talk show or something. Telling people that conversion therapy is like torture. It makes my stomach nose-dive, but I breathe slowly and the feeling goes away.

“I didn’t have to. I know. But I want to.”

Dirk smiles at me, and then Josh. “Why do I have the feeling he’s just getting started?”

Miller wraps an arm around me, squeezing tight. “Because he is.”

Two

Ezra

June 16, 2020

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