Page 248 of Wrath

“I gotchu, Ez.”

I’m too hot. I took the Amitriptyline and it was so hot that day. He’s in the shower with me. Ride or die. I hope we ride and I don’t die.

I can’t think anymore because I’m sobbing like a little fucking kid.

Josh

I do a funky little knock on the door—letting Ezra know it's me. I guess he’s got his phone on silent or he's sleeping, because I've been trying to get him for the last half hour, and he hasn't texted back or answered.

It's okay, I tell myself. Maybe he's just distracted with a movie on his laptop or the new poetry book I got him. I stick mycard into the slot and push the motel room door open. The first thing I notice is him lying on the bed with his back to the door. Second thing: the lights are on.

Then he makes a soft sound. I can see his body shake—becausehe's crying.

Oh, fuck.

"Angel?" He's on his side, uncovered and shirtless, hugging a white pillow. "Hey, angel, what happened?"

Fuck, he's really sobbing. The sounds are soft and quiet, like he's been at it a while.

I hop up on the bed and climb over him, then stretch out in front of him. "Angel?" I start to wrap my arm around him, already wanting to pull him against me. Before I can, he says, "I remembered."

WHAT?

His upper body shudders.“It just...came back. Like a light switch. I’m sorry,” he whimpers.

I pull him against me. "Fuck, Ez. Don’t be sorry. Why are you sorry?"

I hug him tight, and his arms latch onto me. I can feel him trying to regulate his breathing. I have the thoughtI wonder if this changes anything, and right on cue, he hugs me tighter.

"Always taking care of me," he says in a hoarse, thick voice.

"I got you, always."

"I hurt you."

"You were hurt, too."

"I left you.” His voice breaks. “At the hospital."

"You came back."

"I left your room at night," he whispers. "Nearly killed me. But I thought I had to." His voice steadies out, but he’s trembling.

"I know, angel."

"I was scared of her. I’m scared of my mom." Ezra makes this little groan sound. "Carl," he moans.

"He’s okay, angel.Promise. I just saw him."

Heavy breathing. Shaking. I'm about to tell him it's okay he's upset; remembering things all at once, in a motel room alone, would be a shock to anybody. But he speaks first. "I loved the roof…with you.”His forehead feels hot on my throat.

"I loved that too."

"You played cello for me."

I nod, rubbing his back.

"You were so cute in band." His voice breaks, and he swallows, trying to keep from crying in earnest. "I loved everything about you."

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