Page 198 of Wrath

They end up going out to get me groceries. I lie on the couch, too fucking weak to get up and change into fresh clothes. I text Jenna.

'Thank you. I don't even know what to say. Thank you.'

'You're not mad at me?'she asks.

'Hell no. If you called 9-1-1, I know it had to be bad. Not sure I want to know how bad...'

'You passed out, like stone cold, and your whole body was white and sweaty. You were breathing sort of fast, and you kept dry heaving. Even though you were passed out. I honestly thought it was a seizure.'

'Oh God. I'm so soo sorry, Jenna'

'It's okay, Josh. I told everyone who asked that it was something from your epilepsy. I hope you don't mind......'

'I don't'

What was she supposed to tell them? Miller is popping Xanax like it's fucking Pez and guzzling hunch punch?

'I'm not upset,'I add.'You did everything right. You're the one who should be upset.'

'I'm not. Promise. I just wish you would talk to me...'

'I talk to you every day'I send a little kissy face—the cat one, which looks casual and cool, not like it's laid up on the couch in barf clothes.

She doesn't reply for a long time. So long that I think I should drag my ass into the shower. As I'm getting up, my phone's screen lights up.

'You know what you said to me after I called the ambulance?'

My heart beats a little too hard as I wait for her to tell me. But she doesn't. I text,'No'

'You were still dry heaving, but you begged me to call Ezra'

I don't talk about that shit with Jenna. Not with anybody. She knows what happened. I don't need to tell her more about it.

'Glad u didn't. Smart.'I add the smile emoji with the glasses.

'Maybe you should talk to someone, Josh. A therapist or something. You were really sick last night...'

Another text is coming through, but I slide the phone under my pillow, run the shower. Before I get in, I open up the bathroom drawer and pull one of my little magic bars out. There's this guy that sells them a few doors down. Don't wanna stop taking the Xannie and stop drinking all at once. Could cause a seizure.

I smirk to myself as I step under the hot water. Then I chew the thing and wait for it to ease the knot in my chest.

Fourth Quarter

One

Ezra

August 16, 2019

Dear Miller,

MY Miller. I don’t know if you’re my stepbrother Miller or just some other guy named Miller. But if I knew you well enough to write your name on my arm before getting my brain zapped, I guess it’s okay if I write you this note. Don’t worry, I won’t ever mail it.

Anyway.

I’m in Tuscaloosa. Living in the athlete dorms.

Football’s going okay. Honestly it’s going really well, except I’m tired all the time. But I sort of like it.

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