Page 196 of Wrath

I feel Jenna's hand on my back. Making me feel sicker...but I don't want to hurt her feelings.

Then I know I'm gonna barf, so I rush toward the bathroom. I don't know what happens till I'm on the floor. My chest hurts.I can't breathe. And then I'm puking—on the floor—and Jenna's saying something but I can't catch my breath. So much puking.

I can't breathe!

My eyes drip and my head throbs. I can feel my heart beat behind my eyes. My throat burns. I try to roll away from where I am...but I can't. I just can't stop throwing up.

"Josh!"

Jenna—

Hands on my head. And then I'm panting, and I'm crying. My throat hurts. And then I'm dry heaving again. Can't hold my head up.

Ezra.

"I want Ezra,” I choke. More dry heaving. My chest aches. I can't see straight. "Jenna?"

"Josh, I'm kind of scared now." Her fingers on my eyelids, blurry living room and stinging throat. "Josh, are you okay?"

I can't stop dry heaving. Shaking. I can tell by how I'm weak and dizzy that it just...hit too hard.

Need to...tell her.

Will wear off.

Just can't stop...dry heaving. I feel a pass out coming like it did...one other time. My body powering down. Flickering. Shaking.

The last thought I have is:Maybe Carl will tell Ezra.

I know as soon as my bleary eyes focus on my mom's face that I fucked up. Pretty bad, from what it looks like.

Her mouth opens and her eyes stretch open wider, and she's standing by my bed. Hospital bed.

I look at her, feeling sick, my eyes sore as fuck as I shift my gaze to the green curtain.

"Oh, Josh." My mom sighs. Her makeup is smeared and her face is anguished as she leans over the plastic railing. "You scared us half to death."

I look around for Carl, finding him in a chair near the foot of my bed. He looks tired. Unhappy.

I look down at myself. Thick white blanket. Tube for oxygen taped to my fucking face. I feel...sapped. Like I couldn't even lift my arm if I tried. My stomach hurts bad and my throat feels so raw. I swallow, and the pain is so bad, tears well up in my eyes.

"Joshua. What are you thinking? Do you want to come home? We weren't sure that you should do this, given...spring. But this iscollege. You worked hard to get here. We're so fortunate you didn't have a second seizure after the one last fall, and now this?" Mom sweeps my hair—damp hair—off my—clammy—forehead. It makes me shiver.

She rubs the blanket over me, which makes me notice the square sticker things with little wires stuck to my chest. I think it’s heart monitor stuff.

There's an IV in my hand. I look away from it, down at my legs, but I see Carl that way. I close my eyes.

Mom strokes my hair again.

"We're not angry with you, honey. We don't know what to do. What do you need? What are you not telling us?"

Gee, I don't know, Mom. Maybe that your stepson fucking wrecked me?

"Was it me calling?" She sounds, and looks, horrified at the prospect. "I was worried that mentioning him might set something off. I didn’t know it would be like this.”

I swallow again, which hurts so fucking bad I get a cold sweat.

"If your throat is sore, that's because the doctors had to put a tube in your throat. It was in there for almost six hours." My eyes flip open at that. "They stuck a tube down your throat to help you breathe. Just like when you go to sleep for a procedure. If Jenna hadn't called the ambulance, you might have died."

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