Page 150 of Wrath

I shake my head, and that’s when he moves in between them. He comes to me, wraps his arm around my back. I’m not looking—I’m looking at my feet, wishing the floor would open up and swallow us both whole—but I hear him say, “Is there a problem or something?”

My mom laughs. “I don’t know.” She sounds insane. “What’s on your arm?” she asks, like she’s just seeing that. I feel like I’m going to pass out.

“I feel like there’s things we weren’t aware of,” Carl says in a slow, measured tone.

I hear my mom’s soft, “Oh.” Then Carl’s softer, “Wow.”

Ezra’s arm tightens around me. “If Josh is in trouble—”

“No, he isn’t,” Mom says quickly. Her voice is high again. I look up at the moment Carl puts his arm around her. Mom’s eyes meet mine. “So you’re bothgay?” She asks it like she’s asking if we’re both secretly lizard people.

I’m opening my mouth when Ezra says, “Yeah. You got a problem with it?”

Mom’s mouth drops open, and her eyes fill with tears. Carl says, “Guys. Let’s all sit at the table.”

“You need pants on,” Mom says sharply.

“No they don’t. Let’s just sit down,” Carl says, as if he’s speaking to a four year old having a tantrum.

“I’m not mad you’re gay,” my mom says, sounding teary.

“Good, because if you were, you’d be a bigot.”

“Ezra,” Carl says in warning.

“She would,” he says.

His arm is still around my back, so tight it almost hurts. I look up at him, and I’m surprised—based on the tenor and tone of his voice—to find his face looks bleached out.

“Sit down,” Carl says softly.

I feel Ezra’s breathing pick up. “It’s not Josh’s fault,” he says, sounding breathless. “If someone has to go, it can be me.”

He drops his chin down to his chest, gritting his teeth as he inhales through his nose. His arm rubs a light circle over my back before letting me go. And then he’s striding, nearly sprinting, from the kitchen. I run after him as Carl calls behind us. But Ezra’s fast. By the time I reach his bedroom door, it’s locked.

“Ezra!” I’m still knocking when I see him shoot out my door, fully clothed and heading down the stairs. I guess he’s jetting down and he runs into Carl. I hear Carl’s booming “Whoa,” and then I hear my mom say something. The front door slams.

Ezra’s out the door and I’m not dressed, but I just know—like, deep down in my fucking bones, I’d bet theworld—that if I let him go, it won’t be good. So I race out the door in just my briefs and dive off of the porch, catching him only because when he sees me in my undies, he freezes.

When I get my arms around him and we sink down to the grass, his whole body does this weird, hard shudder. He breathes heavy for a second, but then he looks down at me with his damp, dazed-looking eyes and he says, “You okay?”

He hugs me hard, his spread hands rubbing my ribs. When he pulls back so he can see my face, he says, “You want me to go?” His voice goes hoarse, and his eyes are welling up, but he adds, “I’ll say it’s my fault. That I…seduced you.” He huffs a laugh at that, but his hand goes over his eyes and I can feel his shoulders give a little quiver.

“It’s okay if you want me to,” he says, his voice going hoarse, even as he moves his hand down off his eyes, and they look earnest.

I cup his cheek. “Fuck no.” I grab his arm, pointing to what I drew. “You see that shit? If someone goes, it can be both of us. We’ll live…I don’t know where. Anywhere. In the forest. Together. Tarzan-style shit here.”

His voice breaks again as he says, “I don’t want to mess up your life.”

“Ezra. You could never, ever mess up my life. Ever.”

My eyes are holding his, and I’m so wrapped up in the moment that I don’t see Carl on the porch till he says, “Boys.” I look up to find him moving slow as always, holding a blanket. “Josh, you’re exposin’ yourself,” he drawls. Ezra looks over his shoulder—I can tell he’s worried—as Carl kneels down and wraps the blanket around me…and around Ezra, too. He clasps a hand over Ezra’s shoulders and wraps his arms around both of us.

I feel Ez breathing. His face is pressed to my neck.

“C’mon now,” Carl says softly. “Let’s go in and grab some food and maybe have a beer and hell, prepare for grandkids. You boys seem like you’re moving way ahead of what we thought. Not quite the same direction.” He laughs. He hugs both of us, and when he lifts his head, he looks…amused?

He laughs, and I realize that this must be the shock of his life.

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