Page 53 of Halftime

“You played so well. I’m glad I got to see you. Is there someplace we can pick up some snacks? I want to talk to you, and I know you’re hungry after a game.”

She knew me well. And I knew where to find food. We went back to their motel room since she had to rest. I memorized every moment, every word we got to share. I stayed overnight with them and saw them off after breakfast the next day to catch their flight home. Part of me wanted to go with them. I knew I didn’t have much more time with her. I wanted to treasure every minute. She said no. She wanted me to reach my dreams, and she refused to let me risk them, even for this.

I insisted I’d fly home the next weekend I wasn’t playing. And I was going to spend every minute possible with her over Christmas break. That, she’d let me do. Still, I hugged her tightly before she got in the cab and fought back tears as I waved goodbye.

I wished Seb were here, just to have someone to hold me. But the men’s team was out of town this weekend. They always were when we played at home. They’d head back after tonight’s game. And even though I wasn’t scheduled to start tonight, I was backup and needed to be ready. I went to the arena for practice and did the best I could to block my emotions as I worked out with my team.

15

Sebastien

I could tell that Faith was upset about her grandmother. She wouldn’t say anything, but when I saw her on Sunday, she hugged me tightly and didn’t let go for longer than normal. I was more than willing to keep her in my arms as long as she needed. I’d happily have Faith there anytime.

When she pulled herself back with a sniffle that I carefully ignored, we went for breakfast. I asked her about her game Friday night. She’d had a shutout, her second since being here. That led to talking about my games, and hockey helped us, as it had done so often. It was something we both loved.

I’d played well this weekend. Cooper and I were clicking together. Sometimes the chemistry was just there between defensive partners, and it was for us. I’d made a couple of no-look passes to him, and he’d been right where I sent the puck. I was learning how he played, where he’d be on the ice. I knew he’d move a particular way when someone was blocking him from my pass, so I could pass it to where he would be, not where he was. And it was working both ways. He knew I’d stay back, make sure our goalie had support if needed, that I’d be the first one back in our zone when play moved that way, so he was quicker to jump forward, join the forwards in the other end, which made the team a bigger threat offensively. Coach noticed.

Faith understood when I described it to her, but she wasn’t a skater. She had to know how her teammates reacted so that when she blocked shots, or when there was a rush heading her way, she knew what they could do for her, and what she had to do on her own to keep the puck out of her net. But she didn’t have that one-on-one chemistry with a teammate because she didn’t play most of the time with one person.

The forwards could have that same kind of chemistry with their line mates as we did on defense. We had four lines of forwards, and three pairs of D-men, and others to fill in as needed. We took shifts on the ice, normally with our line mates. But goalies were on their own. They were out there with all of us. As a result, goalies were often fucking weird. Faith, not so much. I mean, I’d seen her play, and she did talk to her goalposts sometimes, but she didn’t have bizarre rituals in the locker room—at least, not that she’d shared. Except for her lucky hair ribbon, which she hated to be teased about.

I told her all about my assist from the last game, and her face lit up, proud of my success, just like I was proud of hers.

“You’re so gonna do well in the draft if you and Cooper keep that up.”

I kind of froze, because this was the first time we’d talked about the draft. At least, the first time now. We’d talked about playing professionally before the breakup. I knew it was her plan, and how much this time in college would factor in her future. She knew it was what I wanted to do, too. At least, back then. It just hadn’t come up in conversation since we’d been back together.

I knew Faith assumed I was hoping to be drafted, just like everyone else here thought. Everyone but me. I was…conflicted. I’d managed to deflect everyone. Hockey players were superstitious in a lot of ways. Most people probably thought I didn’t want to jinx anything by talking about it. Not Faith though. She knew me.

“What’s wrong, Seb?”

My knee jiggled. I didn’t want to risk our new relationship. On the other hand, I didn’t want to deflect with Faith. I wasn’t sure I could, to be honest. She saw me. She knew my family. She’d be the person most likely to understand why I was confused about this. She was maybe the only person I could share this with.

“I don’t know… I don’t know about being drafted.”

She cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. “You have a chance, Seb. A good one. I haven’t seen you play a real game in person, not this year, but I’ve watched some of your games online.”

I wasn’t looking for reassurance, but that made something warm flicker inside me. That she’d watched, and that she thought I’d played well. Because Faith was not good at empty compliments.

“I mean, if I was drafted, I don’t know if I’d go.”

I could see the surprise on her face. “Would it depend on what team it was?”

Not like I could pick and choose. That wasn’t how it worked. I could say no to whatever team drafted me, but it meant I wouldn’t play, at all.

I shook my head. The silence stretched.

“What’s going on, Seb? What’s changed?”

Before I’d left for Burlington for freshman year, we’d talked endlessly about playing professionally. Both of us. It was unfair, but my chances were better. I couldn’t meet her gaze. I looked down at the table, putting a hand down to settle my leg.

“Unless I was drafted high, I’d probably never play. And if I did, I mean, I could be injured or something.” I shrugged. “Then what?”

I shot a glance up to catch her reaction. Faith opened her mouth, shook her head, then closed her mouth again.

“What…” Then her eyes widened. “It’s your fucking family, isn’t it?”

I nodded. I knew Faith would get it.

---