Page 61 of Halftime

“I’m not— We’re not—” My cheeks were as hot as I could remember them.

He laughed. “If you could see your face!”

I swore at him. He left, promising to be back in five. I knew he was just trying to add some humor and distract me. But while it had certainly shocked me, it hadn’t solved the basic problem. The problem wasn’t whether my dick ever went into someone’s hand or mouth or pussy. I could promise not to do that and keep my promise. The problem was that Faith didn’t trust me. And that was as much a mental problem as a physical one.

18

Faith

Funerals suck, but at least they keep you busy so you don’t sit and cry for days.

Gramma had started to prepare for her passing, but she didn’t have a lot of strength left. Since her stroke, she’d spent all her time fighting to regain her normal, but her normal had been gone. And now so was she.

The whole process made me want to just tick a box for cremation and have the fussing done with, but the planning kept Mom sane. Picking out clothes, selecting Bible verses and music, going through photos and getting some printed for the wake. Taking calls, accepting casseroles and desserts. There was a lot to keep my hands busy. I just wished it kept my brain busy, too.

I cried for Gramma and for the time I’d never get to spend with her. Sometimes the crying was for me and the stuff with Seb, but no one knew, and no one judged me, except for me.

I guess it was a nice service. I don’t know what the standards are for funerals. No disasters and some tears? I was up front and didn’t notice who was there and what went on for the most part. It didn’t seem real. Then we stood, the interminable ritual almost over, and turned to follow the casket out. At least we didn’t have to go to the graveyard. We were having an unusually cold December, and the ground was frozen. I was trying to calculate how many more minutes before this would all be over when I saw him.

Seb.

He was sitting in the back pew dressed in a dark suit. I blinked, sure I was making this up, but he was still there. That was definitely unreal. I had to pinch myself to be sure I was awake.

I had no idea how he knew about Gramma dying, since I didn’t tell him. I didn’t understand why he’d come all this way. My mom nudged me to keep going, since I’d stopped in my tracks. I moved my gaze away and tried to cool my face as I followed my dad out of the church.

I know we said something to Seb when he came up and offered his condolences. I was a robot at that point and had no idea what the words were. I’d never told my family we’d started dating again, and I would definitely never talk to them about anyone I was involved with when it would bring up the issue of cheating. My parents had already had a fight since I’d been home. My mom had accused my dad of not responding to her calls quickly enough this week. He’d said his phone was out of battery, and she’d accused him of being distracted by someone else.

They always did this, but this week? When Gramma had just died and was being buried? Tacky didn’t begin to cover it. I hated when they did this. I wished my mom would leave him.

Back when I’d started high school and figured out what was going on, I’d asked her why she stayed. She’d said it was worth it for the family. My hockey was expensive, and she hadn’t worked since they’d gotten married. What she’d said, without spelling it out for me, was that part of why she stayed was so that my life would be easier. I’d told her I’d be fine, but she’d waved me off. I’d finally had to accept it was her decision, but, wow, our family was fucked up. It was something Seb and I had in common.

I had to stop thinking things like that.

It seemed to take forever, but we could finally stop making polite small talk with people we didn’t know, Gramma’s friends and my father’s business associates. People had told us story after story about how wonderful Gramma was. I couldn’t see Seb and wasn’t sure when he’d left, but now it was just us and the funeral home people.

I was exhausted. Physically, which surprised me because I was an athlete. Mentally and emotionally, sure. That made sense. But my whole body felt at its limit. When we got back home, I pleaded fatigue and went to my room. I heard my mom ask my dad why somebody was at the service, and I could sense the fight coming on. I shut my bedroom door, chucked off the black dress and heels I’d been confined in all day, and pulled on my baggiest, softest pajamas. I put on my headphones and fell asleep to the sound of music, rather than my parents’ cutting words.

* * *

I only had a week back at Moo U before the holiday break. I probably could have just stayed in Toronto, but I needed to get away. My parents weren’t speaking, and our house was not a nice place to be, so I insisted on returning to school. I went nowhere but the arena and my classes. I was still coming to terms with Gramma’s death, and my professors and the team sympathized and all did their best to make things go smoothly for me. Mostly though, I wanted to avoid Seb.

Seb, who’d somehow come all the way to Canada for the funeral. That confused me so much, because he’d been the one to say goodbye. He could have reassured me, proven that he hadn’t cheated, but he’d chosen not to do so. Maybe it was a test I’d failed. I didn’t really want to know.

I just wanted to get through finals and pour out everything I could on the rink. Maybe when I went back home, I’d finally have enough time and mental bandwidth to figure out what the fuck was going on and what I was doing. Hopefully, my parents wouldn’t create a war zone for the holidays.

I had two weeks off for Christmas break, so the odds were not in my favor.

* * *

Sebastien

I wasn’t looking forward to the Christmas break, but it was also a relief. Avoiding someone was tiring, and I was stressed enough making sure not to be where Faith was that Cooper noticed. And being Cooper, he gave me a hard time about it.

“You said you were done with her.”

“I know.”

“So why the fuck did you go to Canada for her grandmother’s funeral?”

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