Page 96 of Little Psycho

A vivid, significant digit flickers in my mind—the number 2—reminding me of the number of lives I’ve helped take.

The acrid scent of charred flesh lingers in my nostrils, and bright orange flames dance wildly in my vision, remnants of a burning corpse keeping them ignited, continuing to haunt my thoughts.I have no idea why I’m suddenly in a depressed mood, especially when I didn’t feel anything like this the night I helped Cali with Marcus’s murder.In fact, that night I felt more alive than I ever did in my entire life.It felt like I was on top of the world and no one could bring me down.

But it’s different tonight, and I have no fucking idea why.

Even over the stream of the pulsing water, I can hear the music banging in the other room, the heavy bass reverberating the walls surrounding me, giving me a jolting reminder that I haven’t moved in a while.

Somehow I snap out of the haze clouding my mind and quickly wash the scent of death and smoke off of my body, scrubbing every inch until my skin is red, raw, and throbbing.

I turn the shower off and step onto the mat, letting it catch the water dripping off my body as I grab a towel off the rack and wrap it around my waist.A knock on the door startles me, making me jump.But all I can do is stare at it, unable to form a sentence.

“Ash, it’s me.Open the door,” Calista pleads from the other side, yelling over the loud music.

I unlock the door and open it a crack, letting her push it open the rest of the way and slip inside.She looks at me with worry in her eyes, a faint smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, trying so hard to meet her eyes.

Instead of coming up with something to say to try and make me feel better, she comes up to me and wraps her arms around my waist, pulling me in for a hug, unfazed by the water sliding down my skin.I hug her back, taking a minute to appreciate the gesture of comfort that’s completely foreign to me.

I was never hugged as a child when I was upset.I was never showered in kisses and told things would be okay.So to have her show me the love and affection that I’ve always craved, I take advantage of it, not wanting to let her go.

I wrap my arms tightly around her, squeezing the air out of her lungs, but she still doesn’t pull away.Instead, she turns her head to face me, inching her mouth closer to my chest.As she looks me in the eye, she softly brushes her warm lips across my skin, seductively tracing over my tattoos with sensual kisses that ease the tension in my shoulders.

The warmth of her lips stirs something within me—something I thought had been extinguished amidst the chaos of my past.Each kiss sends electric sparks traveling down my skin, dispersing the weight of guilt and sorrow.The world outside fades away—the pounding bass, the roar of the reality I’ve succumbed to—all of it becomes a distant hum.

“You’re not alone, Ash.”Her voice is barely a whisper, but it cuts through me like a lifeline in choppy waters.

I want to believe her, to drown in the promise her words hold.But the shadows from earlier press their cold fingers against the edges of my mind, reminding me of the blood I can never wash away.

As if sensing my internal struggle, Calista pulls back slightly, her hands resting on my shoulders as she searches my eyes for the truth hidden beneath the layers of my armor.

“What’s going on, Ash?Talk to me,” she urges, her tone imbued with an intensity that makes my heart race—not with fear, but the kind of vulnerability I’ve long attempted to shove aside.

I hesitate, the truth feeling like an anchor lodged deep within me—a lump in the center of my throat that I can’t swallow—nearly impossible to pull out.I realize how much I’ve become accustomed to silence, to burying everything so deep that it’s become second nature.But Calista, she makes me want to fight that instinct and all the feelings of regret coursing through me.

‘It’s just… everything feels so fucking heavy,” I admit, the words tumbling out before I can catch them.“The thrill, the freedom—it was intoxicating, but now...”My voice trails off, the weight of everything I’ve done crashing down upon me once more.“I can’t help but remember their faces.’

She tilts her head, confusion knitting her brow.“You mean Marcus?Is that it, or is it Kyle?”

“That’s part of it,” I finally say, allowing myself to share the jagged pieces of my mind.“But it’s more than them.It’s the fear I saw in their eyes the moment they realized what was happening.I can’t shake it off.”

Calista’s gaze softens.“You’re not defined by what we did, Ash.You chose to take action in a corrupted world that offered you nothing but pain and suffering.But just know this: that fear you saw in their eyes was nothing compared to the fear that’s still inside you from all the fucked up things and years of torment and abuse that you’ve been through—because of them and others like them.”

Her words are like a remedy, soothing the raw edges of my guilt, but I still feel the heaviness clinging to my chest.

“Did I really, though?”I question, the doubt creeping back in.“Or did I just become part of the cycle of violence?Am I just as bad as they are?”

She shakes her head, frustration mingling with concern in her expression.“Fuck that, Ash.You’re nothing like them and you never will be.You actually matter.You’re more than the actions you’ve taken, the abuse you’ve endured, and more than the way you’ve been used and treated.It’s how you choose to live now that defines you.Stop letting your fucking past dictate your future.”

An unexpected wave of anger rises within me, and I find myself gripping her arms tightly, desperately wanting her to feel the storm brewing inside me.

“It’s not that simple, Cali.You don’t understand what I’ve done—what I’ve become!”

“Do you know what I had to endure?What've been through?Do you know the evil shit that I’ve done or the revenge-obsessed monster that I’ve become?”She bites back, fury swirling in her eyes, and it’s so fucking sexy seeing her fired up.

With a defeated sigh, I unintentionally tighten my grip on her, not wanting to let go as I retreat into the sanctuary of my own thoughts for a moment.“I don’t want to talk, Cali,” I finally say, drawing in a shaky breath and allowing my lips to break the frown and curl into a mischievous grin.

“Then tell me, Ash, if you don’t want to talk, what is it that you want to do?”Her freshly waxed brow arches, and a sly grin makes her lips curl, tugging upward as she runs her fingers down my bare chest, gripping the hem of the towel and teasingly dipping her fingers beneath it.

“You know exactly what the fuck I want to do.I know you well enough to decipher the look in your eyes,” I tell her, making her blush.

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