Page 18 of Little Psycho

And so I do.I take a swig from the bottle, welcoming the burn gratefully.Lowering my head, I put the straw at the base of my nostril and the other end at the start of the line on the table and sniff, feeling the drugs numb my insides as they drip in a thick, bitter drop down the back of my throat.

We know that drugs aren’t the answer, but they’re the fucking answer for tonight.

The comfort of temporary relief washes over me, clouding my mind and dulling the pain for now.But as I look over at my best friends, I can see that they’re also struggling to find solace in this temporary escape.The numbness doesn’t last long, and the weight of our reality comes crashing back down on us quickly.So I do another line, and another, and another, then another.

As I lie back and let the rush of drugs take me over, I know that when the high fades, our determination and resilience will still be there.All of the pain and shame will hit us even harder.The regret.The fear.The disgust.

We may be damaged, but we’re not fully broken, and together we’re stronger than we could ever be alone, even if we don’t believe it.

So I close my eyes, letting the drugs take me deeper into a temporary escape from the pain and the darkness I’ve grown so comfortable living in.But in the back of my mind, the fire of determination burns, and I know that no matter how hard it may be, we won’t ever give the fuck up.

SEVEN

BLOODY HEELS

KILL 4 U—MANIC KAZZY

CALISTA

The look Dom gave me in the hallway continues to haunt me, even though it’s exactly what I wanted.I could tell how hurt he was to see me in that state; the same pain in his eyes lingers in mine daily.Seeing the three of them at the party tonight shouldn’t have been too much of a shock for me, but it was.I had hope that they had gotten away from their fathers and that they finally escaped the darkness that engulfed us all.But that hope dwindled severely when I walked into the basement and saw them.I knew they didn’t want to be there.I knew they didn’t have a choice.But I still felt let down by all three of them.

I don’t know what I was expecting.I knew they couldn’t save me, just like they couldn’t save themselves, but I had still secretly hoped for it.I didn’t have much to hold onto while I spent my years locked away in the attic, but I managed to hold onto the thought of one day reuniting with them.Even now, I still hope for it, even though it seems like a fucking pipe dream.

Guilt ate at me all night, knowing what their fathers did to them.I knew back when we were all best friends, when they opened up to me one night.I prayed their torment would end, but judging by the look on his father’s face when my mother told him about Dom sneaking out to see me, I knew they were still being abused.And fuck, it broke my fucking heart.

We were all damaged—all broken in our own way—but that’s what made our bond so special.As fucked up as it is, abused people flock to each other, like a form of comfort.Nothing needed an explanation; the look in our eyes told our stories, so we didn’t have to.And even though I was incapable of helping anyone—even myself—I vowed to take away all of their pain.I’d find a way, even if it killed me.I wouldn’t stop until every last one of those men was dead, their blood on my hands.

But I didn’t know where to fucking start.

“Calista.”My mother’s evil voice cuts through the wild thoughts inside my head, snapping me back to reality.

Sitting on the couch in the showroom in the basement, I nervously pick at my nails while she talks to another councilman just feet away, using hushed whispers so I can’t hear anything that they’re saying.From the looks on their faces, I don’t want to know what they’re saying anyway.

I notice my father sitting at the bar nursing a drink, his head hung, almost in defeat.If this was years ago, I would’ve run up and hugged him, but that was then.Now, I don’t feel bad for him anymore.

Looking around the empty room, I watch as Gunnar walks over, holding a backpack in his hands.He walks right up to my mother, leans in, and whispers something in her ear.I shiver from the twisted look he gives me, remembering the night he ruined my life when I tried to escape.My mother takes the backpack from him and hands it to the councilman, slowly making her way over to me.

“Stand up,” she says, tucking her perfect black curls behind her ear.

I stand up, shaky on my feet, and smooth out the tight, black dress she forced me to wear, making sure my shoulders are straight and my chin is lifted to her satisfaction.I know the councilman won the bid tonight, but the way they’re going about things is completely different, and I don’t fucking like it.

“Calista, this is Mr.Brown.”She smiles, gaging my reaction as he reaches his hand out for me to shake.

I had never seen him at one of my birthday’s before, so I only assumed that he was newly elected.Being polite, I reach out and shake his hand, holding in a shiver as his clammy skin touches mine.

“Congratulations, Mr.Brown.”I force myself to say, holding back a gag as my hand burns, as if it were pressed against a hot burner, searing pain spreading all throughout it.

I’m reminded of the first time my mother crushed my fingers with her high heel when I went against what she had asked of me, and the pain seems to grow even worse.

“Thank you.I feel extremely lucky tonight,” he says, sweeping his eyes over my barely clothed body.

“Calista,” my mother begins, giving me a look I know not to go against.“You’ll be spending the night with Mr.Brown at his estate.And just in case you get any ideas, Gunnar will be accompanying you.”As soon as the words leave her mouth, I know that tonight is my opening.

I don’t know when I’ll get another chance to escape, so I know that no matter what, tonight I have to fight my way out.

Gunnar stands beside my mother with a look on his face that tells me he thinks he’s won, but I ignore it, returning it with a devious grin of my own.He doesn’t know what I am planning, and I want to keep it that way.

I’m nervous to leave the mansion, only because I haven’t seen the outside world in over five years.Will I remember my way around?I sure as fuck hope so.

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