Page 63 of Little Psycho

Did something dangerously dark and delicious pass between us in that moment that neither one of us was willing to talk about now?

Shit, maybe…

The rain continues to fall, soaking through my clothes as I was, lost in my head and consumed by my nagging thoughts.I can’t help but wonder what Dom is thinking and if he’ll want to see me again after what happened.

But why am I thinking like that?I didn’t go there to kiss and make up.I went for the sole purpose of torturing them with the revenge I’ve been planning since I was thirteen.Fucking feelings got in the way—that’s why I try not to feel anything for anyone.It’s a guarantee that I won’t get hurt, but now, what the fuck have I done?I let my pussy run the show, and that shit can’t happen again.I need to stay focused.I need to stay on track.Fuck, I need to keep my fucking legs closed.But will I be able to do that now that they’re back in my life?Will I be able to resist the temptation that’s taunting me?

My heart races uncontrollably with anxiety as I struggle to understand my own feelings, still nervous as fuck to interact with Kill and Ash, mainly because of how me and Dom’s reunion went last night.

Instead of going right back to their apartment right away, I walk in the opposite direction, sipping on the last remnants of my coffee and hoping that the warmth will chase away the chill in my bones.But as I slowly blink, all I can think about is the guys and the uncertainty of what comes next.

But I don’t dwell on it for too long because by the time I look up, stopping at a tall, iron gate, the worries in my head go from the guys to my parents.Looking through the thick bars at the house I once called home, I feel my insides begin to burn, and my entire body shakes uncontrollably.Unable to steady my trembling hands, the cup of coffee I was holding falls to the ground, splashing all over my shoes.

Fuck!

I didn’t want to come back here, but I couldn’t stop my feet from leading me back to the gates of hell,literally.

Sneaking around the perimeter, I slide in an opening in the gate out back, staying low and out of sight of the cameras around the property.My anxiety worsens, and each second that passes I can feel myself slowly losing control, spiraling into the rabbit hole again—the same one I fought so fucking hard to climb out of.But I force myself to remember that I made it out—I fucking made it out alive.Just barely, but I’m still here, free to roam wherever the fuck I want.Free to unleash chaos on those around me.Free to set the entire fucking world on fire if I wanted to and watch every motherfucker burn in the flames of my revenge.Free to finally embrace the darkness that has consumed me my entire life.

So, taking deep, calming breaths while I count in my head, I cautiously peer into the window where the living room is on the main floor, catching a glimpse of my mother and Gunnar, locked in a very heated discussion.

I cringe, shivering so hard I can hear my fucking teeth chattering.Bile churns in my stomach and creeps up my throat, leaving a burning sensation behind.I force it down, holding back tears as flashbacks of my time inside come crashing back to me at full speed.

“You don’t need to be here,” Addy whispers, softly rubbing my back.

“I know I don’t.I just wanted to see them for some reason,” I admit, feeling ashamed and sick to my stomach even more.

A sudden gasp leaves my mouth as I watch my mother and Gunnar lean in for a kiss, frantically grabbing at each other’s clothes like a couple of teenagers during their first time.I pull out my phone to record, needing all the blackmail I can get, but it doesn’t take long for the bile I tried to force down to come up, spurting from my mouth like a fucking water fountain into the red rose bush beside me.

As if they can feel someone watching them, both Gunnar and my mother turn toward the window just as I wipe my mouth and duck back down, putting my phone away and quickly crawling away how I came in.

I don’t breathe or look back until I’m far enough away that I don’t even see the iron gate anymore.And when I finally do release a breath, the pungent taste of vomit lingers on the back of my tongue, making my stomach feel queasy.

I try to steady my racing heart and focus on the present, but the memories of my past keep flooding back.Memories of the night that I ran away and Gunnar found me.The fear and pain of my childhood and the trauma I thought I had escaped from come back to haunt me.

I know I need to find a way to confront the demons and heal the wounds that linger inside of me, and slowly, I am—by working my way down the list until every single one of them is long fucking gone.

* * *

By the timeI get back to the guy’s apartment, I’m completely numb and zoned out, and absolutely drenched from head to toe.My clothes cling to me, putting every curve and muscle in my body on display, almost looking as if my clothes were professionally painted on.

My mind and thoughts are heavily clouded from my medication I kept eating on the walk back, so desperately wanting to stop any feelings from torturing me.

I put on a facade, pretending everything is fine—that I’m fine—and walk up to the door with a fake smile glued to my quivering lips.As if I’m not traumatized by what I saw at my parents house.

They’ll buy it, though.I know they will.

“Just act normal,” Addy advises, standing to my left with her hands on her hips.

“I don’t know what my normal self is, Addy.What is normal for me, huh?Whatever it is, the guys don’t have any fucking idea,” I snap, feeling annoyed, and a rush of anger surges through me.“We haven’t seen each other in fucking years.They don’t know me like they used to, and fuck, I really don’t know them anymore either—it’s like we’re strangers, Addy.”My heart aches, but I power through the pain, maintaining my facade.

“Strangers,” I whisper under my breath, feeling another pang of sadness rip through my heart as I go to raise my hand to knock.

But before I can, the door swings open and I come face to face with Dom, just like last night—but without the masks.I want to smile, to hug him tightly, to feel relieved, but I don’t.I keep my composure strong, needing him to know that I’m not here to fuck around.I’m here to ruin their fucking lives like they did mine, and I can’t afford to feel bad about it now.

“Did you get your coffee?”he asks, sounding skeptical as he looks at my empty hands.

But oddly enough, he still flashes me a quick, flirtatious smile that I wouldn’t have seen if I wasn’t looking right at him.

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