Page 73 of Hot Chocolate & Hitmen

I never wanted to be here. This entire trip was Grace’s idea. It was one last desperate attempt tofixthings between us, as if there was anything left to fix. She dragged me along, clinging to some ridiculous hope that we could rekindle whatever spark she thought we had.

But the truth? I didn’t care. I’ve never cared. Not like she wanted me to. While she was busy planning this little getaway, trying to put our broken pieces back together, I was with Tina–her best friend–doing things that should’ve shattered Grace a long time ago. That’s how it’s been for a while now. Every time Grace tried to pull me closer, I pulled away, turning to anything that wasn’t her.

The worst part? It wasn’t even about Tina. Not really.

It was about Grace and the way she made me feel. The way she’s always made me feel–small. Insignificant. Every ounce ofher goodness, every moment she spent trying to love me, trying to make things work, just reminded me of how unworthy I was.

Her constant warmth, her sunshine–it grated on me, like she was rubbing it in my face that I couldn’t be that person. That I couldn’t be good like her. Every smile, every time she forgave me when I didn’t deserve it, every time she tried to make me laugh or bring me into her little world of light–it just made me feel worse. And the worse I felt, the more I resented her for it.

So, I did what I’ve always done. I tore her down. Not in obvious ways, of course. No. I chipped away at her little by little, mocking her optimism, brushing off her affection, making her feel like she wasn’t enough for me, when really, I wasn’t enough for her.

I couldn’t handle it–being with someone like Grace. She was everything I wasn’t, and instead of appreciating her, instead of being grateful that someone like her could even love me, I made her life miserable.

And now, here I am, stuck in this cabin because she dragged me here, trying to patch up something that was never whole to begin with. The trip was just another one of her hopeless efforts to reach me, and I didn’t have the decency to even pretend I wanted to be here. I never wanted this. I never wanted her, not the way she wanted me. All I wanted was for her to stop trying. Stop shining that stupid, relentless light on me that only made me feel like I was drowning in darkness.

For the longest time, all I could think about was escaping. Getting out of here and leaving Grace and this mess of a situation behind. But when I heard the door slam earlier, my heart nearly stopped and something in me snapped. I couldn’t stay put. I had to do something. I had to protect her, no matter how ridiculous it seemed.

It’s strange, really. After all the ways I’ve messed up, I didn’t think I’d still have that instinct–the instinct to protect her, tostep up when she needed me. But hearing her scream like that? It was like a switch flipped inside me.

So here I am, half-dressed, stumbling out of the room and down the hall like some idiot in a bad action movie, hoping and praying that I can still be useful. Even going so far as to grab a giant candy-cane decoration to serve as a weapon.

When I reach the doorway, I freeze.

They’re all there, the guys, decked out in full tactical gear. Grace is there too, standing in the middle of it all, laughing.

I blink, my mind catching up slowly.

Teddy lets out a low groan, muttering something under his breath, and Grace is laughing. Full, bright, unfiltered laughter, the kind I haven’t heard from her in...God, I don’t even know how long. She’s laughing so hard, she’s practically doubled over, clutching her stomach, while Key and Atlas join in, their deep chuckles filling the air.

Grace’s laughter starts to subside, and I notice the way she’s looking at them.

At them, not me.

There’s a light in her eyes, a warmth I haven’t seen in so long. She’s happy. I mean, she’sgenuinelyhappy.

That’s when they notice my presence, all eyes swinging my way.

“What the hell is going on in here?” The words tumble out of my mouth before I can stop them.

I don’t even know why I came rushing in. It’s not like I’ve ever been the kind of guy to save anyone, least of all Grace. Hell, I’m usually the one who causes her pain.

Now, standing in the middle of the chaos, I feel like the biggest idiot in the world.

“Well,” Key says, grinning from ear to ear like this is all some big joke. “Looks like someone decided to play hero.”

I know he’s mocking me, and the word stings. Hero. That’s what I’m supposed to be, isn’t it? I was supposed to be the one Grace looks to for help, the one who steps in when things go south. But I’ve never been that for her. Not even close.

Grace looks at me like a stranger, her brow furrowing in confusion. “Jason? What are you doing?”

What am I doing? I don’t even know anymore. I thought I was coming to help her, to protect her, but now that I’m standing here, I realize how out of place I am.

I look at her, then each of the guys in turn. They’re all watching me now, waiting for me to say something, but the words get stuck in my throat. “I...heard the door bang open,” I finally manage to sputter, my voice trailing off as I try to make sense of it all. “And I thought…”

But I don’t know how to finish that sentence. Because now that I’m standing here, I realize I didn’t think. Not really. I just assumed. I assumed that Grace needed me. But looking at her now, it’s obvious she doesn’t need me at all. She even turns away, dismissing my presence completely. Like I’m nothing.

I take a step back, suddenly feeling like I need to get out of here. The walls of the cabin feel too close, the air too heavy, and I can’t stand being in this moment any longer. It’s too much. I don’t want to see this–don’t want to see how happy she is without me.

I turn to leave, my feet dragging as I retreat down the hallway, each step heavier than the last. My head is spinning with everything that just happened, with everything I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about for so long.

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