Page 63 of Karma

Meaning the Devil’s Nightmare MC Princess, Eden—and the grimace on his face deepens, his eyes turning black and his mouth twisting into what I can only call a snarl. It’s definitely not a look of satisfaction or happy anticipation of the moment when all his plans finally come to life. He lays down the dumbbells and sets up to do some bench presses, putting on more weight than he can handle, I’m sure. I was right. He’s working through some sort of frustration and it clearly has to do with Eden. Given my recent descent into love land, I’m pretty sure I know what it is.

“You might wanna lay off the bench presses,” I say and laugh. “You don’t want your arms to fall off before this mission even starts.”

I’m also too lazy to get up and spot him in this heat. I take another swig of my whiskey, even though I’m just drinking it out of habit at this point. I don’t need it the way I used to before hooking up with Karma and Grim.

The dark look Joker casts at the bottle and then me plainly says I should share that piece of news with him, seeing as he worries about my drinking so much. He’s even mentioned rehab a few times, but that’s for pussies. And I can’t exactly go into therapy, since I can’t share most of my deepest, darkest secrets that are making me drink without getting arrested.

“The mission is well underway,” he says and switches back to free weights.

“Is it, though?” I ask and he shoots me a piercing, angry look.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

I shrug and gulp down some more of my drink. Maybe I do need it. Talking about feelings doesn’t come naturally to me and we usually don’t have conversations like this.

He tosses the weight he was setting up on the ground, cracking one of the concrete slabs, and slides down the wall to sit next to me in the shade.

“It’s just that you’ve been dragging your feet with her,” I say. “Some of the guys are beginning to wonder if maybe you grew some feelings for her.”

He laughs his most fake laugh, so I know I’m barking up the right tree here, but I’m not even sure how much I want to push him on this.

“Is that what they’ve been saying?” he asks. “And who’s they?”

No one’s said it. I’m probably the only one thinking it. And I’m all out of steam for this conversation so I just drink some more. The plan regarding Eden and what he will do to her is set. Everything else hinges on it. There is no turning back withoutsacrificing all hope of us getting quality revenge against the Devils.

“I want her to come with me because she wants it,” he says. “And that’s gonna take a couple of extra days. Ice and the Devils are down in Texas anyway.”

“All the more reason to get it done now, while they’re gone,” I say. “I should think.”

I’m watching him, trying to see his reaction, but he’s just looking one of the condoms we forgot to pick up last night.

“They can’t stop us,” he says and stands up. “I need a shower.”

“Just don’t fucking fall in love with her,” I call after him. “That’s all I’m saying.”

I punctuate it with chuckling nervously. Why the fuck can’t I just come out and say it?

“I don’t do love, you know that.”

Yeah, I didn’t either. But I’m pretty sure we’ve both shifted our stance on that considerably. Me with Karma and Grim. Him with Eden.

He likes her, just as I predicted he would. But he won’t admit it to himself because the plan is always everything to him. And the plan involves raping and torturing her. End of the day, he’ll never forgive himself for that. I know it. But he’ll deny that to the bitter end. And I should make him see it before it’s too late. Because he clearly can’t.

Instead, I’m just watching him walk away.

Being in love is better than dreaming about revenge. Worlds better. I know that now. But I don’t know how to explain it to him.

He’ll realize it on his own eventually. As soon as he realizes that’s what he’s in the middle of here. But it might be too late then. I should find the words to tell him. The next chance I get, I will.

32

Grim

Psycho returned just after dark, saying he’s got news about Joker’s movements. But by then, Joker was already back and the bar was teeming with his guys. So Karma, Psycho and I rode out to hear it on the side of some dark, disused road. I felt like a total shit sneaking out like that, and Karma fought like hell, saying we should at least tell Scorpio that we were leaving. But what good’s it gonna do if he knows that we’re spying on their plans? Absolutely none. It’ll just ruin everything. It’s good now. I don’t want to mess it up.

I killed my own father for the first man I ever loved. Granted, my dear old dad was a violent, abusive piece of shit, but still. And I’m willing to do worse to keep Scorpio. Because I never thought I’d feel that way again. A part of me died when Reaper died and I didn’t think it would ever come back to life. But it did. And I’m not losing it on a technicality like doing a little sneaking behind his back for the greater good.

“So what did you find out?” Karma asks Psycho as soon as we pull up, before even taking her helmet off. The light from ourheadlights is the only illumination here, the trees all around too dense for moonlight to filter through.

---