Page 59 of Karma

“Something like that,” Grim says, his eyes glowing a warm orange from the firelight. Seems like he took it as a compliment. It’s how I meant it.

If I ignore the perfectly modern tent they erected, I feel like we’d gone back a hundred and fifty years, back to the Wild West. Just three outlaws, alone in the wilderness. I can almost hear the horses neighing and wolves howling.

“Back in the day, spending the night out in the wild like this would totally freak me out,” I say.

Karma grins and Grim wraps his strong arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. “You don’t gotta be afraid. We’ll keep you safe.”

“Yeah, no need to be afraid if you’re with us,” Karma says, still grinning as she sits closer and leans against me, resting her head on Grim’s arm.

I’m finding that it’s probably true. Especially after Grim keeps his arm around me and I lean against him.

“Not what I meant, but thanks, I guess,” I say. “I just meant I was a total city kid. In the city, nothing much freaked me out. But out in nature, I’d imagine a bear or a wolf, or some psycho, was behind every creak. Now it’s the other way around. I could spend the rest of my life like this.”

Grim squeezes my bicep reassuringly. “Well, just so you know, I’d fight a bear for you.”

I’d do all right fighting a bear on my own, but I don’t say that because I don’t want to ruin the moment. And it’s definitely a moment we’re sharing here. We’ve been sharing it for a while now, probably since we left LA. I’ve just been so busy fighting it for reasons I won’t bring into this pleasant, pretty much perfect evening in this pretty much perfect place.

I’ve been fighting it from the very start. From the moment Karma offered herself to me and I realized it was the one thing missing from my life. From the moment Grim barged into the middle of it and I realized I welcomed the intrusion very much. More than I figured I might. I’m definitely bi, but I’m always holding back with men. I’m holding back with women too. It’s why I’m still alone.

Night has fallen, stars are glimmering in the sky and the forest is just a black creaking mass all around us. But the firelight is showing me more than their faces. It’s also showing me why I’ve been alone. And why I don’t want to be anymore.

I thought I kept my secrets buried so deep they could never hurt me again, but they’ve been eating away at me. And after I shared them this morning, they’ve just been leaking away. I don’t remember the last time I felt this light and free and accepted. So maybe it’s time to take it all the way, clear all of it away. Start fresh from this point onwards. Not from what happened all those years ago. Not after what’s coming in the next weeks. But from right here.

I run my hand up Grim’s thigh, enjoying the coarseness of the denim and his taut, hard muscles underneath my palm. I stop short of his bulge. Despite that his whole body tenses and his eyes are those all-piercing blue lasers as I look at him. “If you still want to fuck me I’m willing to go for it.”

I probably could’ve found better words, but I wanted to get it out before I changed my mind. His eyes burn brighter in a way that leaves me with no doubt that he is still interested. But that’s not what he says. “You don’t have to if you’re not ready.”

Hell, I might never be ready. As it is, my palms have turned all clammy and my heart rate is going crazy like I’m some teenager asking for a first kiss. I was never that teenager and it’s a little too late to be one now, but here we are.

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready,” I say and laugh, mostly to relieve the unbearable tension in my head. “But I wanna try.”

Karma takes my hand in both of hers. “If you’re not ready it’s absolutely fine. I wasn’t ready for over a year after what happened to me.”

“That’s right,” Grim says. “I can wait.”

He clears his throat and it sounds like he’s trying to clear some tension of his own away. Probably something to do with his quickly hardening dick. My hand is still on his thigh, dangerously close to it. They’re not understanding what I’m trying to tell them. Probably because I’m not communicating clearly enough.

“I appreciate that,” I say. “But what I mean is, I want to. I was very young and very hurt when I made the promise to myself that no one’s going inside me ever again. But I’m starting to think that was a mistake.”

I made that promise to myself standing over the bodies of the insane couple that held me captive. The couple I had just butchered and was watching burn. I escaped them. But not really. Because I stayed a prisoner of my own memories all this time. Can’t believe I never saw that until now. But at the same time, I’m glad I finally do.

“You’re not just anyone,” I say. “I’m sure it’ll be fine with you.”

I’m kinda talking to both of them, but it’s Grim I’m looking at. And his laser eyes are telling me he’s all for it. I see the predator in them, the wolf that would fight the bear for me. The gorgeous tattoo on Karma’s arm shows that exact pairing and I finally understand its meaning. Grim’s the wolf. Which would make Reaper the bear, I guess. And I suppose they’ve both had to fight the memory of that bear just to be here with me. Just to let me in. It’s right I return the favor.

Grim takes his arm from around my shoulders and uses his hand on the back of my neck to pull me in for a kiss, making me lose my train of thought. He’s usually a hard, demanding kisser. But there’s an underlying softness to it now, as vast and pleasant as a never ending forest untouched by men, the kind wolves like him like to roam. Karma is kissing my neck, her gentle lips keeping me grounded as Grim takes me on a run through those moonlit clearings.

I start to lose time to those kisses. We’re naked and I don’t remember undressing. I’m on my back on a blanket, the chill of the night pleasant against the warmth of the fire. Their kisses and touches are bringing a different kind of heat—much less invasive, much more prevalent and definitely more than skin deep. I feel it in my blood, pulsing through my muscles, on the surface of my bones. And deeper.

Karma is stroking my cock, her touch like walking on clouds and if she’s not careful, I’ll come too soon. But then Grim’s hand slips lower between my legs and the urge push him away, to punch him and hurt him is hotter than flame. I tense up, all the pleasant heat of their touches and kisses forgotten.

“I won’t hurt you,” Grim whispers in that calming voice of his and doesn’t stop.

I find the strength not to react. Instead, I let it happen, pass over the turbulent waters of my fear-fueled rage and find calmer waters. The pleasures of being worshiped by these two returns in waves, each higher than the last, lapping against me, intensifying as Grim touches me in ways I’d forgotten could feel this good.

“I have some lube and condoms in my bag,” I say hoarsely, because I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. He grins, the light in his eyes growing brighter.

“Don’t worry, I got you covered,” he says and a moment later, as Karma’s mouth covers mine again, I feel something cool between my cheeks.

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