Page 28 of Karma

There’s Reaper’s name, the chunky letters filled with all the greatest milestones of our life together—the bike he taught me how to ride, his strong hand in mine, as he holds both the lost, bloodied, scared girl and the one he turned into a warrior that’s not afraid of anything. Along with a bunch of other details that made my life with him perfect.

“Do you like it?” she asks, because I’m not saying anything.

I clear my throat. “I love it.”

And that’s all I can say. Any more and I will burst into tears.

“Should we start with this one then?” she asks.

I nod. “Right over my heart.”

That’s where Reaper belongs and I will carry him there forever. But it will be nice to have the cabin too, right below it, reminding me that not everything is lost. That there’s always light, even after the blackest darkness.

I take off my shirt and bra and lay down on the table, watching her prepare all she needs. She hums softly while she places all her needles and inks just so, sterilizing as she goes. A peace seems to settle over the room and I’m pretty sure it’s originating from her and how totally in her element she is. Because my heart’s still racing and the memories depicted in the tattoo she’s about to draw over my heart are playing on a loop inside my head, all draped in black sadness.

“Ready?” she asks, holding the needle over my skin. I nod, because unshed tears are once again closing up my throat so I can’t speak.

“You sure?” she asks, clearly picking up on it.

“Grief fucking sucks,” I say. “Maybe you can write that somewhere on my skin too.”

She nods, her eyes unfocusing. “Losing someone is a bitch.”

“At least this way, I’ll remember him forever,” I say. “Go on. I’m ready.”

She nods and the needle buzzes to life. The first prick is always excruciating and I welcome the pain. It makes me angry, as always, and anger is the very best remedy for sadness.

The pain fades as she freestyles Reaper’s name and all the pretty memories onto my breast. She only checks the drawing occasionally and I’m sure I’ll be surprised by several additions that will wow me even more than the concept drawing did. Her drawn designs are out of this world amazing, but the actual tattoos she creates from them are even better.

“So this Blade guy, he’s the one you left behind when you moved to the East Coast?” I ask once the pain fades to a dull throbbing which I hope is what will one day happen to the actual pain I still feel over Reaper’s death.

“Yeah,” she says. “I broke his heart, but he still came back for me. Even in my wildest dreams I didn’t dare imagine he still loved me, you know?”

“True love is forever.”

I always believed that. And I believe it even more acutely now as I’m getting my dead lover’s name inked into my chest.

“Sure, but loving someone forever and being together and making it work are two very different things,” she says tonelessly. She’s so engrossed in her work, I wonder if she even fully knows that she’s speaking.

But she’s not wrong.

I wonder if what Scorpio and I started will fall on thenot making it workside of this truism. But I don’t want to think about that. I want to believe that better, happier times lie ahead. Just like the gorgeous lake side cabin at sunset tattoo will follow the RIP one she’s inking into my skin now.

“How come you have to hide out here?” I ask.

“Long and convoluted story,” she says. “But in a nutshell… my dad doesn’t want me back here, the guy I was supposed to marry might still want to go through with the marriage my dad arranged, and my friends are all still pissed off that I ran out on them ten years ago. We were all going through this terrible thing that happened. Plus, my family wanted me gone after I dishonored them. And I was a hopeless addict. I just couldn’t deal. I’ve never stopped being sorry. But I don’t know if they’ll be as forgiving as Blade is.”

“I’m sure they’ll forgive you,” I say. “That’s what friends and family do.”

Will Grim forgive me for jumping into bed with another guy so soon after we lost the love of our lives? Is he more mad about it than he let on earlier?

These are questions I should’ve been asking before I let the cabin and all that happened there become a part of my soul.

“I’m hoping,” she says. “I’ve missed them all so much.”

“What about Zane?” I ask. “Is he mad at you too? Seeing as he was something of a pariah too?”

She chuckles. “Nope. Zane and I have the whole running away and betraying everyone in common. And he seems to be getting his forgiveness lately.”

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