Page 102 of Ruthless Lullaby

Dr. Walker leans forward, resting his elbows on his desk. "It's standard protocol for us to ask every dying patient, or their family, about the possibility of organ donation. In the event of your mother's passing, her healthy organs could potentially save the lives of others who are desperately in need of a transplant."

I stare at him dumbly. Organ donation? The idea of someone cutting into my mother's body and taking pieces of heraway to give to strangers... it feels like a violation of everything my mother has ever been.

"I... I don't know," I stammer, my voice shaking. "I can’t think about this right now, sorry."

Dr. Walker nods, his expression understanding. "Of course, Miss Williams. Take the time you need to consider this. But please know that the decision will be made by your mother, if she’s capable. If she chooses to donate her organs, she could be giving the greatest gift of all - the gift of life to someone else."

I nod, unable to speak past the lump in my throat. "Thank you, doctor. I... I think I should go," I croak out. "I should be with my mother."

Dr. Walker nods, standing up to open the door for me. "Thank you for considering this, Miss Williams. And please, let me know if there's anything else I can do to support you during this difficult time."

I murmur a thank you and step out into the hallway, feeling like my legs have turned into lead.

I walk down the long, sterile corridor, my footsteps echoing in the silence. The closer I get to my mother's room, the harder it becomes to breathe, to think, to move. The weight of what's to come is pressing down on me, almost crushing me with its load.

When I finally reach her door, I stop. My hand is hovering over the handle.

“Go in, girl,”I hear Emily's voice. Maybe it's my own.

A sudden sob escapes me. "I caused this, Em. This is all my fault."

"That’s not true, Mindy. You didn’t cause anything. It just happened. You must let this go. You can’t keep beating yourself up."

"I miss you so much, Em."

"I miss you, too, my beautiful sister. But you know I'm still here, right? I'm with you, always and forever. Come on, girl, open that door."

I still hesitate. I don’t know if I can bear the sight of my dying mother. This can't be the last time I see her. Why does it have to end this way? It's too soon, too cruel, too unfair.

I take a shaky breath, wiping away my tears with the back of my hand, and with a final effort, I square my shoulders. With a trembling hand and a heart that feels like it's being ripped from my chest... I turn the handle and step into my mother's hospital room.

The first thing that strikes me is the stillness, an almost unsettling quiet. The only audible noise comes from the machines stationed around her bed, beeping softly as they monitor her vital signs.

My eyes are immediately drawn to her as I enter the room. She lies on the bed in a peaceful slumber, her eyes closed and her face relaxed.

I walk over to her bedside and settle into the chair next to it. For a while, I simply sit there, taking in the image of my mom. Even in her final moments as she fades away, she is still beautiful. I reach out and gently touch her face, causing her to flinch slightly. Soon, I won’t be able to reach out and touch her cheek. Or give her a hug. Tell her I love her. She will only be a memory, locked forever in my heart.

My twin sister is gone.

My father is long gone.

And now…

I still remember when my dad passed away. We were just kids. My mom broke us the news with tears in her eyes, "Daddy’s up in heaven now, girls. From now on, he’ll be watching us from above."

It’s strange, but I didn't feel sadness at the time. In my mind, I could see my dad sitting on a fluffy white cloud, smiling and waving down at us. It was a comforting thought and I would think about it every night before going to bed. Emily and I even drew a picture of Dad jumping from cloud to cloud. Sometimes we would imagine him falling off and grabbing onto the edge, like some kind of superhero. For a short while, this image became so real and vivid in our minds that we would imagine ourselves climbing up to join him on the cloud. We even invited Mom and Alexis to come with us, so that all five of us could be together - those were some of the best moments I had as a child.

Now, it's Mom’s turn to leave this world.

The childhood fantasy of Dad on a cloud fades away, replaced by the harsh reality before me. I squeeze Mom's hand gently, anchoring myself in the present. The steady beeping of the machines brings me back to the sterile hospital room, leaving the warmth of my childhood memories behind.

"I don't want you to go, Mom," I whisper. "But I don't want you to stay, either. Not this way. Seeing you in pain would be worse than anything." Tears blur my vision, and I blink them away. "I love you, Mom. I love you so much." I whisper, leaningdown to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. Nothing else I could say or do comes to mind.

She smiles then, a faint curve of her lips that speaks louder than any word spoken. The way her chest rises and falls with each shallow breath, the way her eyelids flutter gently in some dream.

And then, to my surprise, I feel my own eyelids growing heavy as an invisible force pulls my body into a hazy, dreamlike state. I don't try to fight it. I allow myself to sink into the chair and let the soft, even sound of my mother's breathing lull me into a place of calm and stillness.

And then, just as I'm hovering on the edge of sleep, I hear it. A gentle, achingly familiar voice whispering my name.

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