Page 13 of Ruthless Serenade

"Bad is a generous term for how this is going, Bets!" I snap. "I’m hiding in the restroom, just to escape this guy for five minutes!"

I know I’m being a mean bitch to Betty right now. She set me up on this date because she wants the best for me. I’m in no position to complain to her, but what am I supposed to do when this Nesbit guy makes me so angry that I could scream?

I quickly shut my mouth when the door swings open and a stunning young woman enters. Her face is stained with tears, her make-up smudged and running. She glares at me intensely,or maybe not; my perception could be distorted due to this horribly embarrassing date I’m on.

"I don’t get it," Betty says. I hear her typing on the other end of the line as she pulls up his profile again. "His username is TheUltimateCatch," she reads out loud.

I let out an exasperated sigh. "Oh, that explains it," I say, rolling my eyes. "All he talks about is money, how his investments are doing, and not once did he bother to ask about me, my interests, or what I do for a living!" I grumble into the phone.

"I mean, is that so wrong?" Betty asks. "I was setting you up with a rich and handsome catch. A real up-and-comer."

"Well, if by ‘catch,’ you meant a self-absorbed, money-obsessed prick, then sure, Nesbit McCullan is the grand prize."

"Okay, okay, it’s one date! What if he’s not the one?" Betty persists. "Besides, consider the financial stability a man like him could provide. You could leave your boring accounting job behind and fully embrace being a fit and fabulous mother. No more worrying about money. And remember, RichMatch caters to the wealthy. My matchmaking business specifically targets affluent and self-assured single people in their thirties and forties."

Betty sounds as if she’s doing a sales pitch over the phone.

“Ugh, I’m sorry Bets. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. But you know I’ve never been the gold digger type," I whisper, trying to make sure the woman doesn’t hear me. "I mean, of course, it’s good when a guy is ambitious, but what good is it if he’s a douche? Seriously, just in the past thirty minutes, I gota crash course on cryptocurrencies, portfolio management, and S&P500! I can’t even keep up anymore!"

"I’m so sorry, Mindy," Betty says apologetically. "His profile looked perfect. Good-looking 35-year-old, financially stable, doesn’t mind kids, wants his own kids too…"

"Does his profile mention narcissism, egoism, and zero interest in anyone else but himself?"

Betty bursts into laughter. "Hold on, let me check again." She pauses. "Ok, here it is. His ‘About Me’ section says, "Ladies, your search for the perfect man ends here. I’m the kind of guy your mother warned you about - the irresistible bad boy with a heart of gold."

"Jesus, Bets," I say, grinning at the absurdity of the situation.

"Okay, maybe he changed a few things on his profile since I found him," Betty says. "Wait, there’s more here. Fun facts about me: “I bought an island, because I could. I have a collection of cars that would make James Bond turn green with jealousy. I’m fluent in three languages: English, Money, and Sarcasm.”

"Oh my God, Bets," I grumble. "Seriously?"

Betty sighs. "Alright, alright, I admit. I’ll be more thorough next time. I’m really sorry babe. Are you able to make a run for it? Need an emergency extraction?"

Betty and I have a strategy in place for dealing with mishaps like this. When a date goes the wrong way or turns out ridiculous, we always text each other for what we call ‘an emergency extraction.’

"I do. Give me five minutes to get my stuff and you’re on." I say. "Thanks, Bets. And sorry for acting like a bitch. I know you just want the best for me."

"It’s alright, hon," she replies. "Honestly, I owe you one after you saved me from that guy who went into graphic detail about how he wanted to strangle his ex-girlfriend for cheating on him with her personal trainer."

"Oh, yeah. He was quite the charmer. Even more so than the one who wanted to have sex with you in public."

She laughs. "Alright, babe. Five minutes and I’ll give you the call. Be ready."

Ten seconds later, I’m out of the bathroom, walking back to the table where Nesbit McCullan is waiting for me. But as I walk back to our booth, a strange feeling begins to gnaw at me. Like someone is watching me. Which is pretty ridiculous considering we’re in a restaurant full of people.

I brush the feeling aside and sit down at the table, giving a half-smile to my disaster-date. "Where were we?" I ask as I begin to stuff my belongings into my purse. I better be ready for Betty’s call so I can get the hell out of here as soon as possible.

"I think I should pay you a compliment," Nesbit says out of the blue, grinning at me. "You look hot as fuck tonight."

At the neighboring table, the pearls on an older woman’s necklace clink together as she turns to give us a disapproving look.

"Um… thank you." I force a fake smile.

Nesbit seems pleased with himself, and he eagerly returns to the one and only topic he can talk about. "So, as I was sayingbefore you went to the toilet," he continues, "I’m more of an altcoin person. First, I was into Bitcoin, but then I found out that I’ve got enough cash in the bank to tolerate a bit more risk. So, I took twenty percent of my liquid net worth and decided to…"

I nod and try to force a smile, wondering how much longer it’ll take for Betty to call me. It must be at least two minutes since I left the restroom. That means I have three more minutes left from this crash course on crypto-investing.

"...and let me tell you, Mindy, it was the best decision I ever made. My portfolio has grown exponentially since then."

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