Page 92 of A Very Addicted Christmas

“They chirp!” Audrey and Vada exclaim at the same time, bouncing with this new morsel of knowledge.

I focus on the duffel. “Alright, are we gonna do this or what?”

At that, we all shift and kneel around the bag. “Audrey, do the honors,” Nona tells her.

She unzips the bag.

The entire duffel is filled to the very brim withCelebrity Crushmagazines. A whole year’s worth of the weekly tabloid. Audrey had been hiding them in her giant stuffed teddy bear—removing the stuffing every so often to fill more. Not that I think Uncle Connor and Aunt Rose would disapprove of herhavingthe magazines, but they’d want to know why she was keeping so many. Then the whole surprise would have been busted.

And this is going to be anepicsurprise.

For the first time in a while, true excitement builds. Vada and Audrey start dumping out the magazines, and I help Winona grab the tape and scissors.

“Remember,” Vada says, “if you find any good photos, you’re to cut them out, even if you’re not using them to wrap your present.”

“We should make piles,” Audrey suggests.

So we get to work.

Any photographs of my dad are placed in front of me. Uncle Connor clippings go in front of Audrey, Uncle Garrison in front of Vada, and Uncle Ryke in front of Winona. Cut-outs of our moms go in the middle.

Winona reaches under the bunk with her long arms, and she pulls out four boxes. I take mine when she passes them around.

Vada found four old nano iPods on eBay and wiped them. Then we each loaded songs that we want our dads to listen to. I lift the lid of a small square box and make sure the black iPod is still inside. It’s safe and sound, so I close the lid.

I put a bunch of Joan Jett and Fever Ray on it for my dad. I like thinking about him listening to some of my favs. The plan is to wrap the boxes with the clippings from the magazine.

Uncle Connor’s present will be covered with Uncle Ryke flipping off the paparazzi.

Uncle Garrison will have shirtless Uncle Connor.

Uncle Ryke will open his present wrapped in my dad’s abs.

My dad’s present will (hopefully) have pictures of Uncle Garrison’s Batman tattoo on it—and lucky me, I get the hardest task, considering Uncle Garrison is usually only photographed when he’s around other family. His photos are scarce. Not as bad as playing Where’s Waldo?, but kinda close.

The next few minutes, we work on searching through magazines and cutting out our parents’ faces.

“We need more sister clippings,” Nona says, seeing that the pile is low.

Each of us made our moms paper flowers for Christmas, and we wanted to wrap the box in sisterly photos where they’re together.

“I’ll focus on our moms,” Vada says. “I already have a ton of Uncle Connor’s abs.”

“So gross,” I deadpan.

“It really is,” Vada agrees. “My dad is going to hate it.” She smiles.

Nona smiles back. “They’re going to kill us.” She wags her brows again and tosses a tape-ball at Vada. They end up throwing pillows, candy, more tape, a phone charger back and forth and tipping over into laughter.

I shake my head. Juvenile delinquents. I smile internally, loving Vada and Nona exactly how they are. But also, how are Audrey and I considered thebabieswhen the two of them prank each other with whipped cream and silly string?

If you ask me, we’re the mature ones.

I’m also very protective over my clippings of photos. I pull the pile closer to me, so Nona doesn’t kick it on accident.

Audrey notes, “They love us far too much to stab us in our sleep.”

“Who said anything about stabbing?” I cut Uncle Garrison out of a paparazzi shot where he’s eating a slice of pizza with my mom. Battoo in full view. “Poison is more likely.”

---