Page 8 of A Very Addicted Christmas

Connor Cobalt - 48

Rose Calloway - 48

Ryke Meadows - 48

Loren Hale - 47

Lily Calloway - 36

Daisy Calloway - 41

Winona Meadows - 13

Kinney Hale - 13

Audrey Cobalt - 12

CONNOR COBALT

SNOW FALLS GENTLY out the window, but there is no peace in my heart. Only restless turmoil that I take out on a keyboard, typing and deleting and typing more.Deleting.Words seem trite, no matter how I connect them together. And for the hurt I caused my daughter, words fail me. For what feels like the first time in my life,wordsare not enough. Will never be enough.

But they’re all I have right now. All that was requested.

Three thousand words on why you love me.

I could write a million words to explain my love for Jane.

And yet, still, it’s not enough.

Time has always been my enemy, but there are very few times I wish to rewind it. But I do. I want to give her my undying support. To let her know that even in the face of facts not aligning, I believe her to be honest about her friendship with Moffy.

Time is cruel. There is no reverse. Only forward.

“Father?” Audrey, my youngest at twelve, peeks her head into the lake house’s study.

I roll away from the computer. She’s wearing pastel yellow pajamas and fuzzy slippers. It’s six in the morning. “You’re up early,” I tell her. “We don’t leave until this afternoon.” We’re heading back to Philly, and we’ll return to the lake house closer to the holidays.

“I’ve been working on something with Kinney and Nona. Are you busy? Could you come to the media room to see it? Please, please.” She makes a praying motion with her hands. There are soft, tender spots in my heart reserved for my children. But Audrey, to her credit, has the very best pleading eyes I’ve ever seen.

I peer back at the computer screen, and I scan some of the words. My stomach clenches.Not enough. I hit delete and then leave the desk.

“Thank you,” Audrey says in relief as I follow her out the door. “I promise, this will be worth it.”

“Worth is subjective.”

“Subjectively, this is worth it. To me. And you love me, so it should be worth it to you.”

I begin to smile. “I do love you,” I say, leaving it at that.

She grins back, and when we come upon the media room, I realize I amlastto arrive. My irritation pools. Daisy, Ryke, Lily, Loren, and Rose are already seated in the theatre-style chairs. Daisy and Ryke are lounging in the back row. His feet are kicked up on a chair in front of him while Daisy is sprawled on his lap and cupping a bowl of oatmeal.

Lily and Lo chose the front row by the aisle. Both look half-asleep, but Lo is peeling the wrapper to Lily’s blueberry muffin for her.

My beautiful wife sits in the very center of the first row. Her ankles crossed and eyes flamed more dully than usual.

Those softly burning eyes capture me as I take the seat beside her.

“Cobalt, you alright?” Ryke asks from the back, tearing my attention off Rose. It shouldn’t piss me off, but it does. I can hear him eating out of the oatmeal bowl in Daisy’s hands.

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