Page 3 of A Very Addicted Christmas

Janie texted me about how her mom is pretending she doesn’t have a 102 degree fever. Apparently Aunt Rose keeps trying to wrap Christmas presents, and Uncle Connor is supposedly distracting her so she doesn’t infect everyone.

The darkness in Ryke’s eyes lightens when he sees his wife and daughter.

“Peanut butter cupcake,” Daisy smiles at Sulli. “You’re snowboarding today? I thought for sure you’d already be at the pool.”

“Later,” Sulli says. “I have to beat Dad on a slope first.”

Her smile brightens. “Take lots of videos so I can see it in action.” She looks more at me. “Are you competing too, Moffy?”

“Not this morning,” I say. “I hope you feel better.”

Her smile softens, and before she can reply, Winona wakes up and sticks her head into the frame. “Sulli, are you there?” Her nose sounds stuffed up as she talks. “You have to hear what my teacher told Chelsea Narwhal before winter break. Big drama.”

Sulli smiles. “Squirt, how big is first-grade drama, really?”

“BIG.” Winona extends her arms wide and lets out a long yawn.

At this, I leave Sulli so she can talk more with her little sister, and before I go, I whisper to Ryke, “I’m going to head in.” I’m either going to do some laps in the pool or warm up in the hot tub.

Ryke frowns deeply, his brows pulling together. “You sure?”

“Yeah.” I nod, and I start the short trek towards the ski lodge.

“Wait, Moffy.” Ryke jogs near and stops at my side. He puts a hand to my shoulder. My dad does that sometimes too. “I fucking understand needing some space alone, but if you need to talk?—”

“No, I’m good.” I rub my hands together, cold.

Uncertainty tightens in his eyes. Still not sure if I am alright.

I think they invited me here in the first place because lately I’ve been a bit more withdrawn and quiet. Really, I’ve been stuck in my head, and I haven’t told anyone why or what’s happening.

I think Janie knows.

I think she’s known for a while, but I can’t even tell her before the rest of my family. It feels like I should do it all at once.

I’ve spent the past two years really processing. Trying to figure out how to express this to so many people. Building a Batmobile from scratch sounds easier. Christ, if this wereeasy, I probably would’ve said something at thirteen.

I can’t tell you why it’s this hard, but I’m fifteen and I’m fucking nervous. I don’t think there’ll be a time where I’m not, and so I decided on this Christmas. I’d tell everyone then.

But just family first.

The world comes later. You come later.

So I stare at my uncle and his questioning. His concern. And I’m thinking about how I can’t tell him first. I can’t tell anyone first because that means someone will be told second. I don’t want anyone to think they’re less important to me.

I hold it in.

I’m attracted to girls and guys.

I’m bisexual.

No one knows, and I’ve been overthinking how I’m going to tell them. What I’m going to do. I’m not really worried about my parent’s reactions.

I’m so goddamn lucky to have the most loving, open parents, and my cousins, uncles and aunts are the same.

My little cousin Tom is five years younger than me. I remember how he didn’t really formally come out to our families. It was just something so normal and accepted, and maybe if I had figured this shit out earlier, it would’ve been the same for me.

But I’ve only ever outwardly expressed interest in girls. So I’m going to have to actually say something or do something in order for my family to know.

---