Page 35 of Sweet Little Thing

Jasper. Of course, she was referring to Jasper. I replied, “Oh, that’s my boss. Not my boyfriend. I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Heidi grinned. “He is to your boyfriend. He’s handsome. He smiles at you a lot and likes to look at you.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. “He does?” I asked. “Really?”

Heidi nodded and then she and May giggled. “Beulah has a boyfriend,” they began to chant over and over, turning their chant into a song.

I wouldn’t be able to bring Jasper back. Heidi would be sure to mention this to him. I laughed at their silliness and ate another cupcake. The sun was warm, but a cool breeze blew, making it a perfect day to enjoy being outdoors. Our mother would have loved today. She took us outside to spend our Sundays like this. She’d be happy Heidi was here, that she had a place where she had friends and a full life. I was thankful to be able to keep Heidi here, where everything was stable and secure. A life that Heidi could enjoy.

“Momma, I wish you were here,” I whispered before getting up and following the girls out to the open field where the soccer nets were. Both were inviting others to play, and the excitement of the game was obvious. In the back of my mind, the weirdnesswith Jasper was there, but I focused on my day with Heidi. Doing my best not to worry over it.

Chapter

Twenty-Six

Jasper

The whiskey bottle in front of me had been my plan to get my mind off Beulah. With each glass, things became clearer. Though now I’d downed half a fifth and knew I was drunk and that I should go to bed. But I didn’t. I waited. For her. I had to see Beulah and explain about this morning. About how fucking scared I’d been.

Stone left, yet again, after we argued. He said he’d be back in a week. He had his own shit to deal with. Which, of course, I understood. Stone was running from his father and the department store chain in malls all over the goddamn country that would one day be his. Stone hated the man who would one day make Stone CEO and hand his fortune over. But he didn’t want it. He wanted nothing from his father. Just last month, Stone talked about joining the rodeo circuit and leaving. A complete crock of shit. Hilarious, but a crock of shit. Our homes lives had been a nightmare growing up but his had been worse.My father had never beat me. But neither of us was mounting some crazy ass bull and getting stomped and pummeled into fucking oblivion. In a month, he’d be crippled or dead. Nope, no rodeo for Stone.

I was more intoxicated than I previously assumed, or so lost in thought I wasn’t listening when Beulah entered the room.

“Jasper?” her voice was unsure.

“You’re back. Have a good visit?”

She hesitated. Her eyes glanced from me to the whiskey bottle. I sat there with my glass rim full. “Yes, it was nice,” she replied. “They enjoyed the other treats you told me to take.”

How could I have Beulah without hurting her? Could I even do it? She was too damn perfect and innocent. I was scared I would fail and mess things up. What if she saw me for who I was and left me? How could, would I survive? Fuck, what if I fell in love with her? Was I even capable of it?

“Shit,” I muttered.

“What?”

I sat my glass down and laid my head back, tightly closing my eyes. Not looking at her was the best idea. Not facing this while admitting my paranoia was easier if I didn’t see that face. I’d remained awake to tell Beulah the truth. I had to explain.

“Do you know why I ran out this morning?” I asked. I doubted it, but I thought I’d see where her head was with this…us.

“No,” was her uneasy response. I was making her nervous.

“I left because I was fucking terrified,” I admitted with my eyes still closed.

She didn’t say anything. I heard her shuffle her feet. “You scare me. I’ve never been afraid before. Not about women, but you, Beulah Edwards, scare the fuck out of me.” There. The blunt truth. She needed to hear it.

“Oh,” she replied, her voice soft. I almost laughed. That one word was her response. An “oh” when she had every reason to bejust as terrified.

“I don’t fall in love. That’s not my thing. I had parents who hated each other. I figured they must’ve been in love once. And look what it did to them? I could be just like my dad and fall in love with someone as fucking heartless and cold as my mother. I stayed clear of having feelings for a girl and that worked. . .until I met you. And you didn’t even try. You were yourself, not pretending to be something you weren’t, and it took a fucking half a bottle of whiskey for me to face the fact I’ve fallen in love with you,” I said, opening my eyes and looking directly at her. “You’re the type of different, that special brand that breaks a man and makes him want more. Makes him want a life he thought he’d never have. Until you, I never wanted to love someone, but. . .I want to love you. I think I’ve waited my entire life to love you.”

Her eyes were huge, mouth slightly opened, in surprise or shock or both. Hell, join the club. I was equally floored by this turn of events. It looked as if she was barely breathing. If she ran from me, not wanting this, I’d be gutted. She held that power over me without even trying.

“Me?” she finally responded, barely above a whisper.

There it was again. That thing that made her different. If I’d told this to any other girl I’d dated, she would’ve sunk her claws in deep. Had me make promises. But Beulah just stood there, wondering if I meant what I was saying and if I was saying it to her, though we were alone in the damn room.

“Yes. You. You have fucked me up. All that sweet, that face, those eyes that draw me in. They’re the fucking clearest green I’ve ever seen. I’ve laid in bed trying to think of something to compare them to. But nothing comes to me. Nothing is worthy of those eyes.”

She blinked and touched her temples with her fingers, then rubbed her forehead and face with both hands, shaking her headin disbelief. “Are you drunk? Is this. . .”

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