Page 130 of Sweet Little Thing

“I wanted to see you,” I told her and kissed her cheek.

“I made a pillowcase today! Come see!” she grabbed my hand and pulled me to her room.

I went, thankful that we would be in her room alone. Where no one would hear our conversation. She ran over to her bed and picked up a pillow. It was covered in painted flowers. Yellow daisies like the ones our mother loved so much. My eyes stung and I fought back the tears. I wanted to believe she had remembered those were momma’s favorite. That she wasn’t forgetting details like that about her.

“It’s beautiful,” I assured her as I touched the pretty yellow flowers.

“I learned to sew on a machine. They taught us, and it was fun.” Her smile reminding me how this was the best place for her.

Another reason I loved it here. It wasn’t just a care facility. They taught Heidi things I never could. They made her feel as if she were capable of so much more than the world let her believe she was.

“You will have to teach me one day,” I told her. “I would love to know how to sew.”

Heidi nodded enthusiastically. “May sewed a skirt. It’s pink and has white hearts. It’s too big for her, but Tammy said that she could wear it.”

I had no doubt Tammy would wear the skirt proudly. May would be so pleased, and the others would be impressed. This place provided Heidi with the family she needed, the kind I couldn’t give her. I still hadn’t found my security or place. It was time I created my own security, made a life for myself—a life where I could support the child and give it all my mother had given us.

“Heidi, I need to talk to you about something. It’s a secret. Something I can only tell you and no one else can know. Do you understand?” I wasn’t sure this was the way to tell her, but I knew my time was limited. I needed to get my things fromStone’s and find somewhere to sleep tonight before it got too late.

She nodded, and a frown creased her brow. “I can keep a secret. I promise.”

I knew she’d try very hard never to repeat what I was about to tell her. But I also wasn’t sure how much she understood about babies and how they were made. Answering those questions would be tricky.

I put my hand on my stomach and looked at her. I thought about how Mom would tell her this, how she would explain it. Channeling the woman who had loved and raised us, I took a deep breath and held her gaze. “Inside my stomach is a baby. It’s growing. My stomach will get big, and a baby will be born. Do you understand that?” I paused to give her a moment to take that in. Digest it. Figure out how that affected her and what it meant.

Her eyes grew wide, and she nodded slowly. “You’re going to be a mommy.”

Her simple words were so powerful. I nodded watching her face for any confusion in her expression but saw none. She didn’t ask who the daddy was simply because she had never seen a father in her life. There was no daddy. She didn’t know one was required to create a baby. Instead, she asked, “Is it a boy or girl baby?” The excitement in her voice was evident.

“I don’t know yet. I won’t know for a long time still.” A few months was forever to Heidi. She would ask me weekly, regardless, until I knew.

“Will I be able to hold it?” She was still wide-eyed with amazement.

“Yes. You’ll be the best aunt in the world.”

She slapped a hand over her mouth as if I had just told her the most fantastic news she’d ever heard. I waited for her to put her thoughts into words. “I’m going to be an aunt?” she whispered as if that was the ultimate secret.

I nodded. “The only aunt this baby will have,” I told her.

Like a dad, we had never had an aunt. But she understood what they were just like I was sure she’d heard of dads before. She just never questioned our lack of other family members.

“Ohmygod!” she squealed and clapped her hands while jumping up and down.

Again, I fought back tears. Because as happy as she was now, I still hadn’t told her what all this meant for us, how it would change her routine. How I wouldn’t be here as much. How once again, she would have to adjust to change.

She threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly. “I will be the best aunt ever,” she promised.

I had no doubt that she would. I held her to me and closed my eyes tightly, fighting back emotion. My entire life, I had protected her the best I could, been there for her, loved her, and worried about her. Now, my priority had to become someone else.

“I know you will,” I replied. “But I need to tell you something else. Something that has to happen because of the baby inside me. It won’t be forever but for a time.” I stopped and studied her a moment. Her eyes were wide as she waited for me to tell her more. There was so much trust there. Her world was safe. She didn’t understand the pain, sorrow, or fear.

I was so very thankful for that.

“I need to take care of the baby, and to do that, I have to move to find a new place to live and a new job. I won’t live close to here like I do now. But I will come back every Sunday like I used to. I’ll bring cupcakes and cookies, and I will stay the day. It won’t be forever. Just until I can get settled.” I stopped waiting to see what her response was going to be.

She didn’t reply right away. We stood there, still holding onto each other, but we did it in silence. I watched her expression change and fought against the urge to say more and try harderto explain. I knew she needed time to let this sink in, to work through it, and to figure it out.

“Will you and the baby be safe if you leave?” she asked me in a quiet voice, but the sincerity and concern in her voice were heartbreaking. I never wanted to cause Heidi to worry. I wanted her to live in happiness.

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