Page 111 of Sweet Little Thing

She gave a nod. “Like I said, do what you think you must. Goodbye, Winston.”

I sat there as she walked away. I’d flown to Chicago hoping to persuade her to stand with me in court. Having Wills’s mother there testifying against my father would be huge. However, Iknew that was a long shot. Hilda hadn’t been cooperative any of the other times I’d tried to get her help with Wills. Even after she’d been on the receiving end of my father’s fist, she refused to do anything for her son.

Standing, I laid money to cover the check on the table and left.

This was my last chance to get her on board before I moved forward either way. I would know tomorrow, if not sooner. They’d assured me the express test would take no longer than seventy-two hours.

If Wills was my son, I’d probably never forgive myself for not saving him sooner. The pain of that reality would haunt me. Forever.

Chapter

Sixty-Six

Beulah

A short note. That was all I had from Stone.

All it said was, I’ll be home late.

Nothing more. No reason why. He hadn’t even added an “I love you.” Maybe it was girly of me to care about that, but I hadn’t heard from him all day. Just this note waiting on me when I got home.

I hadn’t eaten dinner with Geraldine thinking I would cook something for us tonight. We could have a nice meal together and talk more. I wanted to be there for him to discuss his next steps with Wills. Be his support. Whatever he needed me to be.

But instead, I was alone with no information other than he would be home late.

Sitting in the kitchen, I ate a bowl of chicken noodle soup I had found in the pantry and heated up. There was nothing appetizing about canned noodle soup, but I wasn’t going to cook just for me. The saltine crackers helped the taste somewhat. My plans tomake spinach and chicken gnocchi for dinner were now gone.

The apartment was quiet. I’d been here with it empty except for me more than I had been here with Stone. At least, it seemed that way. I was being whiny. I knew my roaming thoughts were unreasonable, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.

Life with Stone was never going to be predictable or normal. I shouldn’t expect it to be. Especially now. He had a lot on his shoulders—more than I could imagine. I had to be his support, not another responsibility—he didn’t need that.

Pausing mid-bite, the soup suddenly smelled funny. My mood was more than likely the cause. I stood up and walked to the sink to dump the soup and wash it down the sink disposal. A bath sounded nice. I would do that while I waited on Stone. Eating wasn’t enjoyable.

After I washed my bowl and put it away, I headed to the room I had been sleeping in and decided to use that bathroom. Going into Stone’s bedroom and personal space without him here felt weird. This wasn’t my home. I was referring to it as if it were, but this was Stone’s home, not mine. I didn’t have a home.

Stopping to look at myself in the mirror, I wondered if this would become my home. Stone had never mentioned that he wanted me to live with him permanently. We were…we were a couple. But that didn’t mean he planned on us living under the same roof, did it? Feeling displaced was normal for me, but it didn’t make me feel less lonely. It made me miss my mother and our home.

Would she approve of Stone? I hadn’t thought of that. I’d been so wrapped up in how he made me feel that I didn’t stop and think about what my mother would have done in this situation. I had never seen her date or get serious with a man. Heidi and I had been her center. Her world. Had she ever been lonely? As a mother of two girls with no help, having a life outside of us had to be incredibly hard. She had no one to lean on, no support.

Once again, I was reminded of how tough she had been. She had raised me to believe in myself and to never depend on someone else. She’d taught me to change a tire, fix a lawn mower, climb a ladder to check the roof for leaks, and never think I needed a man for anything. And here I was, feeling lonely without a man. I was vulnerable, though I had been raised never to put myself in this situation.

The man who donated part of my DNA was a mystery to me and I never heard her mention or blame him for the difficulties I knew she had faced. It was as if he had never existed.

I walked into the bathroom and turned on the water for my bath. I wasn’t as tough as my mother. I guess I could blame that on the unknown man who helped give me life. He was weak. He had to be. What other reason could there be for his absence? Maybe that was where this emotional outcry was coming from.

With a sigh, I took off my clothing and stepped into the warm water. My head was all over the place. My emotions abnormally raw. Stone has a job. He can’t be expected to be here with me all the time. That was silly and I needed to get over myself.

Lying back, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the water. My body was tired, and my thoughts quickly began to ease and drift. Drowsily, I realized I was starting to dream and forced my eyes open. I’d never gone to sleep in the bath before. Last night’s events must be catching up to me.

My lack of sleep could also have contributed to my emotions. I sat up and started to wash my body, deciding I needed to get some sleep before Stone got home. If he wanted a repeat of last night, I was on board. However, in order to keep up with him, I needed sleep. At the thought of grabbing a nap, I yawned, and my eyes watered.

I quickly finished and dried my body with a towel. I felt so out of sorts. Reasons for my off behavior ran through my head. I smiled when I realized it was probably time for my period.I paused and did the math, but it didn’t seem right. Thinking harder, I counted the days, but again, it was wrong. It couldn’t have been thirty-six days since my last period. I was a twenty-eight days on the mark girl. Sometimes a day early or late. But not a week.

My heart began to thud more rapidly in my chest. I wrapped the towel around me and searched for my phone. I needed to see my calendar because I had marked down the first day of my last period. I always marked the calendar to know when to expect my next one. With each step I took to my phone, my mind began assaulting me with what-ifs I tried to slap away and push back.

My hand was trembling as I picked it up. I unlocked the screen and scrolled for the calendar app. There was a moment of pause before I clicked it. I wasn’t sure I wanted to see. I wasn’t sure I was ready if I wasn’t wrong. Too much would be in the balance. I began to sweat as I lowered my thumb to press the small calendar app, which opened in front of me.

I closed my eyes and whispered a brief “please no” to God or whoever was listening.

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