Page 56 of Hotter 'N Hell

I know. Doesn’t make it hurt less.

I nodded.

“Come to Bane’s tomorrow night. Everyone will be there.”

I started to shake my head but stopped. The idea of going back to the way things had been before I started working at the clothes closet made the void in my chest begin to spread.

“I’ll think about it.”

“You will?”

The excitement in Gathe’s voice felt foreign or unattainable.Something that lay just beyond my grasp.

“Thanks for the ride. Now, will you unlock the doors?”

“You’re gonna be okay again, Saylor. This was just the beginning.”

I didn’t want it to be the start. That made it sound fleeting, as if it would be a moment in time I forgot. And I would never be able to forget. Not one single second. All of it was threaded together and now a permanent part of my soul.

Almost a year since he’d been killed, and the only thing that was different was there was no Crosby. I’d sat on this sofa, scanning through Insta, while they all yelled at the flat screen last year. It was week two of the NBA semifinals, and it was boring as hell. Netflix was looking better by the minute. I’d have already left if Gathe wasn’t so damn happy I was here.

I looked down into my empty martini glass and decided that a number three was required. Perhaps if I drank enough, the unending replay in my head of every moment I’d spent with Jude would stop or at least pause. Even when I was asleep at night, he found his way into my dreams.

When I stood up, Gathe’s gaze immediately swung from the game to me. I held up my empty martini glass and gave it a little shake, showing him it was empty before walking over to the bar. Last year, I had drunk High Noons in a can on a night like this. Now, I was downing dirty martinis. By the look on Gathe’s face, I could tell he thought I was preparing for when Halo entered the room. I wasn’t. Oddly, I didn’t care.

I had expected to meet her the moment I walked inside, but she’d been bathing Crosby’s baby. No. That was snarky. His name was Hawkins, and he was Halo and Bane’s son. She was getting him ready for bed.

Bane had appeared after the bedtime prep with him. Than had asked if she was coming, and he’d replied that she had to nurse Hawkins first. He had been feeding more lately, and nursing took almost forty-five minutes.

Okay, so if you’d known Bane Cash a year ago, you’d have never expected the man to utter things like breastfeeding and bath time. I had caught myself staring at him, trying to fit this man into the asshole I had known all my life.

His gaze swung to mine, and the crease between his brows, as if I had no reason to look his way, made it clear he was still the asshole I knew. Just the daddy version.

After I finished shaking up my drink that I’d put two shots of vodka in instead of one, I poured it into the glass. I opened the mini fridge for the olives since I had emptied the bowl of them earlier, but I found none. I needed my olives. Three, to be exact. Closing the mini fridge, I headed back through the great room and down the hallway leading to the kitchen.

Gathe once again turned to see where I was going.

“Olives,” I said before leaving the room.

I wasn’t sure if I should be insulted or not. It was likely he was concerned about me. Making sure I was handling everything okay. Or he was worried about me bumping into Halo. He was the one who wanted me to meet her. He swore I was gonna like her. We could all be one big, happy family.

When I stepped into the kitchen, it felt normal. Like I had just been here yesterday, doing the same thing. The array of food that lined the counter was typical as well. Except…I walked over to study it. Huh. They’d added some things. Items none of them had been eating in the great room. The salad looked appealing. Spinach with pecans and strawberries. I wondered what the glaze was.

I found a new jar of olives in the pantry. I opened them, got out three, and plopped them into my cocktail, then took a big gulp.I stood there as the third martini started to work some magic on my empty stomach. There was a slight buzz. I waited. Expecting the numbing to come so the pain in my chest would ease.

Jude’s smile—the sexy one he had when he was thinking about naughty things—flashed through my head, and I groaned. Not numbing. Just tipsy. Sighing, I grabbed a fork and pulled out a barstool in front of the salad, not bothering with a plate. I didn’t want to go back in there and listen to the guys and their game. This was only one of two games tonight. Yay for me.

I stuck my fork into the salad bowl and made sure to get strawberry and pecan on it before shoving it into my mouth. A sweet glaze coated the spinach, but I had no idea what it was. Not bad. I chewed, staring at the cabinets.

It was Friday night. Men’s Bible study would be over. Was he home alone? Did he want to text me?

I shook my head and took a drink. I was pathetic.

“Oh.”

The feminine voice broke into my thoughts.

I picked up the stick with my three olives and pulled one off with my teeth. Seemed it was time. I was meeting the other woman. Crosby’s first choice. Setting my glass down, I turned to look at her as I chewed the vodka-soaked olive in my mouth.

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