Page 54 of Hotter 'N Hell

He let out an almost laugh and rubbed his hand over his face. “Whew, okay. Um, that wasn’t the answer I thought I was gonna get. My imagination had gotten a little wild, with your family being in the Witness Protection Program or your dad being wealthy because he trafficked drugs. But not this.”

“Drugs aren’t our thing here in Mississippi…” I trailed off because, well, they did do some trafficking in some branches. “Mostly illegal gambling. The family is big in horse racing. It’s how it got started in Ocala. The Carvers have the distillery, and I am not confirming or denying that it might not all be legal there. Rices—we are mostly real estate.”

Jude’s gaze went to the floor at my feet, and the slight slump in his shoulders sent that heavy boulder right back to my stomach. He shook his head. “This is a lot.”

I said nothing.

“I was just coming to terms with the fact that I was going to continue to break my vows and hope God forgave me, like he did King David, because I couldn’t stop wanting you. But this? It’s not just affecting me. I’ve got a parish to think about. People who come here and expect to be safe. You”—he looked up and waved a hand in my direction—“need bombproof windows and indestructible cars to live a normal life. I…I can’t have you here, Saylor.” His voice cracked in the last sentence.

The pain in his expression was the only thing keeping me from bursting into tears. This was hurting him.

“I can’t let my desire for you put this church, the people who trust me, and Sister Mena, who is here with you three days a week, in danger. I could live with my sin. This I can’t live with. I wouldn’t be able to close my eyes and sleep at night.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Fuck!”

I stood there, watching as his chest rose and fell hard. His fingers gripped his hair, and he pulled at it. His chiseled jaw, which I loved so much, was rigid from the clenching of his teeth. Finally, he dropped his hand, and the mask that I had seen him wear before shuttered over his face. If it weren’t for his eyes, I wouldn’t be able to tell that he was struggling.

“Thank you, Saylor. For all the work you put into this place. The donations. The…the windows. It will mean a lot to many people. But seeing as you are who you are”—he paused and licked his lips—“you can’t continue your volunteer work here. I’m sorry.” He was stalking toward the door before he finished his sentence.

And all I could do was stand there and watch him go.

Twenty

Jude

Ten minutes after I had reached my office, I slammed the door, stalked to the window, grabbed the cup with my morning coffee off my desk, and slung it against the wall, choking back the roar in my chest. Then, I stood there, watching, waiting to see her walk out. Leave. Take her things for the last time.

When a red-and-black Dodge Ram truck pulled up to the door, my hands clenched into fists at my sides.

Gathe climbed out just as the door to the clothes closet swung open and Saylor walked out. She shook her head at something he’d said. It looked like she was going to walk around him, but he took the bag from her hands and leaned down to look at her face. His head snapped around, and even from this distance, I could see the fierceness directed this way. At me.

Saylor yelled at him and grabbed his arm, then got on her tiptoes, jabbing her pointed nail into his chest as she spoke.Long blonde hair caught in the breeze, blowing behind her. The hem of her sundress teasing as it fluttered up just a little, showcasing more of her legs. Those freaking heels she had on, showing her hot-pink toenails on her perfect feet. She was walking again, and this time, it was around the front of the truck. The wind caught her dress, and it barely flashed her panties before she caught it, holding it down until she got to the passenger door and opened it.

Just before she climbed in, her head turned, and she stared this way. I knew she couldn’t see me, but it felt as if those sapphire eyes were telling me goodbye. I never even got to kiss her mouth. Never felt her lips. Her gaze dropped, and then she was inside the truck, the door closing.

“Goodbye, Dimples,” I whispered as the truck pulled off and drove away.

Looking in the direction of the clothes closet, knowing she wasn’t in there and wouldn’t be again, hurt too much. I closed the blinds. They’d have to stay that way from now on.

Sinking down into my chair, I dropped my head into my hands.

I’d had no other choice.

For a moment, I’d considered walking away from it all. And I had wanted to. Wanted to go. Have the freedom.

But that meant I would be tossing away an education that had cost Delana’s parents almost two hundred thousand dollars, just to be with a girl eight years younger than me, who I’d clearly known little about, because her smile made my knees weak, her laugh gave me a lightness in my chest, and her body…well, her body made me want to break my vows over and over and over again. In many different ways.

It hadn’t been a choice between God and lust.

It had been one between love and lust.

I’d loved Delana, and I couldn’t betray her and what her parents had done for me for lust. Possibly the most intensecase of lust in the history of mankind, but lust just the same. I couldn’t love someone I didn’t really know.

Twenty-One

Saylor

“You’re gonna tell me what happened, or I’m gonna go kill a priest,” Gathe said as he glanced over at me from the driver’s seat.

“You aren’t going to do anything. It’s just over, okay?”

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