Page 100 of Hotter 'N Hell

“Fuck, Saylor, how many times does he have to say it?” Bane grumbled.

I reached out and brushed his swollen jaw. “You’re hurt. You’ve been through a lot.”

The sound of a door and more footsteps. The doc was finally here.

I bent down and kissed his head. “You’re gonna be okay. He’s here now.”

Forty

Saylor

Jude had been taken to Linc’s house. He had to be somewhere that he could be observed, and Linc had the only real hospital room. Dr. Burl had said it was for the best, that it had all the equipment, and with Jude’s broken rib, he needed a bed that would help him get up and down.

I had called several times a day for the past week, but I hadn’t gone over there. My anxiety attacks had come back in such full force that Mom begged me to start going to the therapist again.

As if I could tell the therapist,Well, you see, the man I love doesn’t love me, so my friends tried to kill him by hanging him up in a dungeon and beating him.

That would go over swell.

When I had called this morning, Linc had said, like he did every time I called, “He is asking for you.” Except today, he added, “Doc thinks he’s ready to go home.”

I knew this might be it. The last time I had a chance to see him. Because there would be no going back to the church or helping with the clothes or food ministry. I had already sent Sister Mena all the information and contacts she needed to finish the job.

I glanced down at the pink sundress I had put on. It was my favorite. Reminded me of Barbie. And if this was gonna be it for us, I wanted to go out with me looking nice. Okay, hot. I wanted to look hot.

Staring at the closed bedroom door, I mentally prepped myself before knocking.

“Come in,” Jude’s deep Texas drawl was back. He didn’t sound weak, and the relief sent a fresh surge of emotions through me. He could have died. But he didn’t. I had to remember he did not die.

Turning the knob slowly. I pushed open the door and walked inside.

Jude was dressed in jeans and a green henley shirt that made his eyes pop, as if they needed any help. He stood, facing me, leaning against the edge of the dresser, his feet crossed at the ankles and arms over his chest. His face held that new stubble from several days without shaving. His eyes, although the left one was a little puffy still, were almost back to normal. His lips still had a crack that had some cream on it, but they, too, had lost the swelling. A faint bruise on his left cheek was holding on. I studied every detail, reassuring myself he’d be fine.

“You done checking me out?” he asked.

I smiled. The sound of his voice and being able to see the glint in his eyes as he teased me was a balm over my soul.

“I think so.”

“My head is fine. Nothing wrong with my brain.”

I nodded. I knew that. He’d told Linc to tell me.

“Which leads me back to what I said to you in the dungeon.”

This was why I hadn’t come. I was afraid of it. I didn’t needto hear that he’d not really chosen me or changed his mind. He always went back to the reasons he was a priest, and I was no match for Delana. I knew that all too painfully well.

“I came here, ready to hear you tell me what you wanted to. But can we not repeat the reasons why? Please. I know. You’ve told me. Crow, Delana’s brother,” I added for emphasis, “told me. I’ve been told the same thing so many times. I get it. You can walk out that door and go safely live your life. Be the priest Delana’s parents want you to be. I swear no one will touch you again.”

Jude narrowed his gaze. “I’m starting to think you are the one who got hit on the head, Dimples. I told you several times, albeit my voice wasn’t that clear or loud, but you heard me. I chose you. I love you.”

I snapped my eyes closed tightly. Those words were going to be the end of me. “I get it. But choosing me doesn’t mean that you tell me you love me.” I opened my eyes back up. “Choosing me means that you don’t have to hide me. Make me feel like a dirty little secret. Pretend I don’t exist when Delana’s parents come to town. OR whoever you don’t want to know about me. You’re a priest, and I do not believe you aren’t one anymore. I googled it. The process isn’t that fast. You’re a priest. If you did take the first step, you still have time to back out.”

His hands dropped to his sides, and he straightened.

“You googled it, did you?” He smirked. “Well, seeing as I admitted to my sexual affair once I was informed that I would need to stay at my position until the next step took place, I was removed. My things were taken from the rectory, and Linc went and picked them up for me,” he said, then took another step toward me.

“I loved Delana as a boy. She was my first love and all I knew. You were my only temptation in all these years. Because I fell in love with you. I felt guilt over it. Guilt I’d been taught to feel. Butwhen I had to hurt you to save someone else’s feelings, I knew that was it. I wouldn’t be able to see you like that again.” He kept walking toward me until he was standing inches away.

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