Page 1 of Leather & Lace

Prologue:

Those eyes. Those steel-gray eyes. Piercing right through me. Past my soul. Past any dream or nightmare, I have ever encountered. A silent wind that hits you straight to your bones before you sense it. Those silent caresses, sending chills up and down your spine. Leaving a trail of goosebumps, scattering over every part of your body, mind and soul. Those eyes. A deadly promise lies within them. The darkest sensations, the most damning hold that you cannot break away from. Pain mixed with pleasure drowning you, pulling you slowly towards the quiet peaceful death that awaits. kicking and screaming but no words or sounds make surface. It’s here that I stand, paralyzed. From one look. One glance that held a second too long. One heartbeat that pounds like a bass in my eardrums. One breath I keep forgetting to inhale. Time slows. The world blurs around me. It’s as if my soul has been jolted awake from a darkened endless sleep. Where I am reborn. Reborn to a gaze that quickly, but gently, grips at my guarded heart. Those walls I built so high, crumble at the sight. It’s in that moment where I know my life has been completely altered. That one moment was all it took. That one look. I will be forever damned and owned by those steel-gray eyes.

CHAPTER 1

BROOKLYN

“Mom!” I yell from my upstairs bedroom. Clothes scattered all around my floor. My hot pink suitcase lay open on top of my bed. “I can’t find my black sweater Aunt Eve gave me.” I say in a hurried rush. This is me. The ultimate procrastinator. My disheveled room, little messes all around. My kind of organized. I blame my ADHD. I know it has always driven my mother crazy. She would come into my room while I was at school to clean and organize, just for me to make it look like a tornado had landed only a few days later. They are my little mess piles.

I know where everything is located. So, when she came into clean and organize her way, I would never be able to find anything. Drove me insane. I am not upset with her; I know she suffers from extreme OCD. She has always been so neat and perfect. So put together. Rooms and house were always pristine. No dust to ever coat a tiled surface, no dirt to ever lay on the wooden oak floors. It’s something I always wished I could have inherited from her. Maybe not as full blown, but just enough to keep my life organized and well-kept together.

“Honey, it’s hanging up in the back of your closet where I have hung all of your fall and Winter clothing.” She says appearing at my door and leaning on it. “You know, maybe if you took the time to truly slow down and be aware of your surroundings. You know, maybe take the time to care about your possessions.” She says while looking at me with one eyebrow raised, a slight smile at the corner of her mouth. “Then youwould be able to find anything without any difficulties.” I give her a half-annoyed smile and roll my eyes slightly.

“Or, maybe you could just allow me to live in my little mess’s mom. Not everything has to be perfect.” I say to her teasingly, shooting an eyebrow back at her. I make my way towards my closet and find in the very back, next to my winter jackets, my favorite black sweater. I have had this sweater for years. It was once my aunt’s and was given to me after she passed away from a drunk driver accident.

She was on her way home after a long shift at the Hospital in the early morning, when some boozed-up asshole blew through a stop light taking my world away in the blink of an eye. My mother was never the same after it happened. Most nights I would hear her in her room, just sobbing quietly.

I tried in my own grief to cheer her up, but I knew there was not much I could do to ease her pain. That was her little sister. The one she always protected from all the monsters. We both changed in so many ways because of it. So, when my mother gave it to me, I slept in it for two months straight. Tears soaking it until I had nothing else to shed.

Eve always wore it. She would tell me it was her lucky sweater. Once you wear it, love flows to you. She always had so many lovers in her life. Devastatingly handsome men, all types. She seemed to always gravitate towards the real losers though. The ones I think she believed she could truly change.

All those adventures only took parts of her heart away. With them. Collecting them. Even though the pain in her eyes ran deep, she always kept her broken heart open. Hoping to find the one to mend all the pieces back together again. A hopeless romantic of sorts. She had so much faith in those stunning deep golden-brown eyes.

Some loves she truly never fully let go of. But nevertheless, it was still tragically beautiful. She was a sight.Men were a moth to her flame. The universe's light went out a little the night of her death. The stars seemed dull. That twinkling muted. I would always smile and dream of that kind of lust and passion when she would tell me her stories. She kept a picture book of all her loves.

I even believe she had a small shoe box hidden under her bed filled with little notes and memories from those past relationships. The last time I saw my aunt, a few days before the accident, she had told me about a new love that had come into her life just a few months before.

She had told me that she had found “the one.” I remember smiling at her and rolling my eyes a bit at the confession. She looked different though. I remember her having a certain glow about herself, one that I had never witnessed before. She seemed to carry herself a bit differently, her posture more upright.

The man she told me about was a patient she had met at work. When her gaze met his sea green eyes, something flashed inside of her like a bolt of wild lightning.Rocking her to her core. Something powerful and ancient. She couldn’t explain it. I could tell she was the happiest she had ever been. Which made my heart so warm and buzzing in excitement for her new possible love story. We were meant to meet her new love soon, she was going to be bringing him to Thanksgiving, Kallum I believe was his name. We never got the chance though.

I remember vaguely at her funeral seeing a man standing towards the back, leaning against an old oak tree. Dark raven hair, and those sea-green eyes filled with tears. He was tall and well built. Looked to be in his mid-thirties. Dressed in a black suit and trench coat.

Before I had time to realize who he was, he had disappeared before the ceremony had ended. It haunts my mind to this day that I may never know who that mystery man was tomy aunt. The joy he bestowed upon her shattered and bruised heart that only ended up in tragedy. How he was handling it all. Seeing him show up for her, told me all I needed to know. He truly loved her.

The sweater itself was nothing special. Just a long and loose off the shoulder onyx soft material. Thin enough to wear on a sunny day but warm enough to shield you from the winter’s kiss. But it was everything to me. The stories that thread life into it. The passion and pain forever woven into its fabric.

“You know, I am going to miss you. Miss taking care of you.” My mother says while I start to place my wrinkled clothes into my suitcase. A small lump at the back of my throat has tears wanting to flee my eyes. I suck them back quickly.

“I know, Mom. But I won’t be far away. Only a few hours. You can come and see me whenever you like.” I say while keeping my hands busy folding and packing my disheveled outfits. Eyes daring not to meet hers.

“I know, honey. You are my baby. My only child. I am so proud of you. So proud of everything you have ever accomplished.” She says while walking towards me, tears starting to catch with her words.

Placing her hands on my back, she slowly turns me towards her. My tears, unable to stop them, stream down my pale face. Gently she wipes them away with the sleeve of her shirt and pulls me in close.

“You are my greatest achievement in this life. I know just how wonderful and powerful you are and will be. You will be everything I was not.” Her words sent a small shock into my heart. I know she has had a rough life. Single Mom, working two jobs to keep food on the table and a roof over my head. Taking extra shifts at the dinner to help pay for my ballet classes I just had to take. She was always my calm in the storm. Always the one who held me through every heartbreak. She is my safe place.

Looking up at her I say, “No, Mom. You are everything I want to be.” Her tear-filled emerald, green eyes swelled over as she pulled me in again for one more hug. The scent of her jasmine and lavender dark hair covers my face like a soft feather. All my memories of her holding me, taking care of a scratched knee. Going to all my dance recitals, everything flashes so fast. Letting go of me, she sweetly places a kiss on my forehead and turns away.

“You better hurry up. Jenny will be here soon to pick you up. She sent me over six text messages making sure I would have you ready.” She says while laughing and shaking her head. “At least I know you will be in good hands with her.” She says with a warm smile before she turns and exits my room.

It’s almost time. I have been waiting my entire senior year and Summer for this. I made it to my dream college. My best friend and I that I have known since I was four, will be attending together. Dorm together. Be crazy college kids together. Live the fucking dream together! Baine University will be an adventure. Located in the small town of Dover in northern California. It’s about a four-hour drive from my home.

Thinking about all the late-night parties, dance clubs and mindless one night stands I want to do, leaves dark, twisted thoughts in my mind. I am addicted to that feeling. That craving of wanting more. Wanting what I have not experienced. I am no virgin.

I lost that to my first dumb-wit boyfriend on homecoming night when I was 16. It was nothing like what I had thought it was going to be. It was just a dark trailer room on his small twin sized bed, country music blasting from his stereo and a few thrusts in then done. Rinse and repeat over and over. What arodeo man.

You know, I have never even experienced an orgasm. I was with that loser for over two years, and not once had any kind of mind-blowing sex. I didn’t even know orgasms were a thinguntil Jenny told me all about it! I just thought you laid there, pretending to have a great time, moaning a bit and that was it. I am highly inexperienced and never really had the confidence to be open sexually. He never made me feel that way at least. Never truly made me feel beautiful or craved for.

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