Page 91 of Twisted Obsession

‘Dante?’ I questioned as I sat up and reached out next to me to pull my handbag closer, even though I knew somewhere deep down that the ring tone was wrong. With eagerness I emptied my bag onto the floor and then remembered with a feeling of melancholy, as I looked at the contents, that Dante could no longer contact me. In my mind, I replayed dropping the small phone he’d given me years before to the floor in anger and watching it shatter. The ringing continued as I sorted through my stuff, spare panties, perfume, deodorant and everything else I thought I might need to spend a night with him.

Finally, I saw the screen of my everyday phone, and the screensaver that I’d fashionably added to the number it was associated with, as it now came back to bite me. As my fiancé’s face smiled through the detritus around him, guilt once again consumed me, and I saw the empty space on my ring finger.

‘You have to be joking?’ I whispered, holding up my left hand and touching the slightly paler skin wearing the ring had caused.

Choosing once again not to answer him, I searched through the pile over and over, knowing without looking that I probably wouldn’t find my engagement ring there. But with growing panic, I frantically pulled everything apart once more, before I shook each individual item, and comprehended that I couldn’t find it because it wasn’t and never had been there.

The last time I’d seen it was on the floor of Dante’s stateroom.

‘Oh no,’ I whispered, as I closed my eyes against the inevitable.

Hearing movement outside my door, I hurriedly picked everything up and rushed to the bathroom, but not before stopping at my bed, mussing up the covers and pillow, and grabbing my work out clothes. I heard the knock on my door, and called out as I turned on the shower that I would be with them shortly.

Ten minutes later, I stepped out of the bathroom, and after dropping my handbag on the chair I normally kept it on, I walked over to the door. I knew with absolute certainty someone was still behind it and waiting for me. So, I unlocked and opened it tentatively, holding one hand to the wet towel coiled up perfectly on top of my head.

‘Yes.’

‘There you are, Giovanna… I hope you’re feeling better?’ My perfectly put together mama didn’t wait for an answer, before moving closer to the doorway and wordlessly demanding access to the room.

‘I am, thank you,’ I lied, as she walked in. Cautiously, I followed her as she suspiciously moved around my personal space. Breathing a silent sigh, I could see I’d done a good job as not one thing looked like it would contest the lies I’d told her.

‘Good,’ she smiled, turning back to me, without the smile strangely ever reaching her eyes. ‘Your fiancé has been trying to get hold of you.’ She held out her phone to me and wiggled it just a little to tempt me into accepting it.

‘I thought I heard the phone ringing. I was in the shower,’ I replied as I stretched out a hand to take the phone she was offering.

‘Lorenzo.’ I said his name and forced a smile onto my face, knowing I was standing in front of a very observant audience, without ever wondering how my fiancé had access to my mama’s personal number.

‘Gi.’ My skin prickled with the same annoyance it always did when he used the nickname my family used for me. ‘How’s your holiday?’ he enquired.

‘It’s been amazing, thank you.’ I followed my mama as she moved around my cabin, picking up my bottles of products and lifting them up to try or smell them, making it obvious she was going nowhere and the conversation between us wasn’t going to be private.

‘I miss you, Gi,’ Lorenzo offered.

‘I miss you too,’ I replied on automatic pilot, and I was sure I saw the corners of my mama’s lips lift in satisfaction, because it couldn’t be with happiness as that wasn’t part of her make-up.

‘I’ve been informed that you’re on your way back to Calabria.’ I heard him and looked through the narrow slit at the bottom of one of the blinds, as if by staring at the sea I could discern exactly where we were.

‘I hope so, I’ve been homesick,’ I lied again, and understood how much of it I did both around him and my mama. So much so, I knew it wasn’t a healthy way to live.

‘I’m glad. I can’t wait another year for you to be my wife. In fact, I’m going to talk to Don De Luca today about bringing our wedding forward.’

I noticed he didn’t ask if it was okay with me. He didn’t find out if that was what I wanted, he just barrelled ahead. Then I thought back to what Dante had said, and if this was going to be my only chance at marriage and the children I so desperately wanted, I needed to take it.

‘That would make me very happy.’ I heard myself say the words, and my mama smiled, another strange smile that tookme a few seconds to work out. When I did, I realised it was the same one she had used whenever she had won in an argument with my papa. It was her smile of victory.

What? Why?

Inside, I recognised that I felt manipulated, more than I’d ever felt before and given my position in my family and my family’s traditions, that was saying something.

In my ear Lorenzo carried on speaking, and as if she could hear every word he was saying, my mama walked around my personal space grinning like a Cheshire cat. I on the other hand heard nothing. All I could do was focus on the feeling of being utterly purposeless and completely trapped.

My mind, without asking permission, escaped and suddenly I found myself lying next to the man who had always protected me, my nonno.

‘You are stronger than you think, Giovanna. I have refused all the marriage offers for you so far, as I wanted you to first become the woman I know is inside there. The same woman you rarely let make an appearance.’His face had lightened and for a few seconds his pain seemed to slip away.‘I saw her today. I saw her in your smile, I heard her in your laughter, and your zest for life. Don’t shut her away any longer, let her free. I regret I won’t be there to watch you fly, but you must promise me you’ll embrace the one who will, because he’ll be the same one who will catch you when you fall.’He’d stopped as another cough racked through him, and I’d squeezed my eyes tightly wishing it away, all the while picturing Dante in my mind. Once Nonno’s cough had subsided, he’d carried on,‘be the woman you keep out of your mama’s reach.’

‘Be the woman you keep out of your mama’s reach?”I hadn’t remembered those exact words until now, when I’d replayed the others so many times as I thought of Dante. I’d always imagined he’d said them to keep me from not taking every time she’dcriticised me to heart. But what if that wasn’t what he’d meant at all? What if he’d felt that she possibly could represent a danger to me?

It couldn’t be right. I stopped myself from physically shaking my head at my own thoughts and studied her all the harder. By now, as I’d been encouraged to do, I was holding the phone away from me and Lorenzo was on speaker talking to my mama about me. And I was struggling to work out just when it was they’d become so friendly. I mean, he’d been my bodyguard for years before becoming my fiancé, but I’d never even seen her pass more than the time of day with him.

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