Page 22 of Twisted Obsession

‘I will, Nonno. I promise.’ I spoke loudly into the vacant room. ‘It’ll take time, but I promise I will.’

Slowly, with his strength of belief wrapped around me, I talked myself out of the grip of an impending panic attack. Then feeling braver than I’d ever felt before and with my breathing beginning to once again feel regulated, I flung backmy covers and spread my arms out wide in acceptance of what I understood I needed to do.

I let go.

Tears once again took their leave of my eyes and I let them. They ran on and on without purpose, until I could feel on either side of my face that the cotton of my pillowcase was wet with my sorrow. They ran until my eyelashes felt burdened with the salty residue left behind. They ran on and on until I sensed I was cleansed, and my body felt dehydrated. When I finally opened my eyes, I made myself a promise.

This was my new beginning. From that day, I was going to be the woman my nonno saw inside me.

With the night sky beginning to warm around the edges of my blinds with the touches of yellow only daybreak brings, and the phone once again beginning to vibrate inside the drawer I’d dropped it into a few hours before, I sat myself up.

‘You are Giovanna De Luca, let no one take that from you ever again.’

Rolling onto my side, I pressed on the drawer and watched it react and open. There in the middle of my silk underwear that I’d absentmindedly thrown the phone onto, I saw the screen light up with an incoming call. Now in a hurry, I picked up the phone and accepted the call.

‘Dante?’ I spoke his name and I could have sworn I heard him sigh with relief.

‘Giovanna.’ My name rolled off his tongue and I sunk back onto my bed, holding his phone as close as was possible to my ear. ‘Where are you?’ His tone changed to one that was demanding.

‘At home, in my room,’ I clarified.

‘Thank fuck.’ He swore and somewhere in the background I heard a thump as though his hand had landed heavily againsta piece of furniture. ‘I’ve been going out of my mind here with worry.’

‘You have?’ I questioned a little coyly.

‘I gave you my phone so we could be in contact. It’s been ten hours, amore mio. Ten long fucking hours, twenty-four texts and only Christ knows how many phone calls,’ he chastised.

‘You could have spoken to Salvatore. He would have known where I was,’ I offered, feeling slightly overwhelmed.

I heard a laugh leave him. ‘Nah, that wouldn’t work. You need to understand your brother and I might be related by marriage, but that’s where our relationship ends.’

‘I’m not sure I understand.’ I felt my brown furrow. ‘We’re family.’

‘Not quite… my family are the poor relations.’

‘That’s crazy.’

‘It is what it is. Anyway, back to us.’

Us.

I’d never been part of an us. Somewhere deep down, I knew I liked the idea. In fact, it conjured up memories of yesterday. I wrapped my spare arm around myself as I imagined I could still feel how he’d held me yesterday.

‘You are never to ignore me again, my love. Do you hear me?’ he carried on.

‘I’m not deaf.’ I felt a wave of my newfound defiance, pushing him a little so he would show me once again he cared.

‘Giovanna.’ His tone held strength but was spoken gently. And I could see in my mind’s eye him closing his briefly as he held together his emotions.

‘Were you worried about me?’ I felt like a little girl as I asked the pathetically needy question. But it was one I was desperate for the answer to.

‘I think the numerous calls and text messages will prove to you how worried.’ Secretly, I was looking forward to checkingthe exact number and reading all the cursing I knew he would have typed out as he demanded over and over that I answer him. ‘I was frantic.’

‘Frantic?’ I repeated.

‘Yes, that and so fucking angry I couldn’t get hold of you.’

‘I see,’ I replied, loving the sound of what he was saying and blushing at the same time as I imagined just how vibrant his blue eyes would be as he spoke of his frustrations. I was surely now living in the fantasy I’d dreamt about since I was younger, while also in the nightmare that was the loss of my grandfather. It was a hard path to negotiate, especially with me having no real-life experience to guide me. I made a pact with myself there and then. I would follow my heart and make a note to occasionally listen to my head.

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