Page 109 of Twisted Obsession

I thought about the similarities of the two different occasions.

Here I was, as I once again prepared to walk away from something I had for as long as I could remember felt I wanted in my life. Ready and willing to embrace something I hadn’t until the past twelve months felt was for me. Now, older and wiser, I knew that was because of Dante. I had always fought against staying enfolded within my family and becoming a ‘Ndranghetawife, until he had come back into my life. Then the doubts I’d had slipped away.

I was his wife, I wanted to bare his children at home in Calabria. I wanted to wake beside him in the morning, share breakfast and be there when he returned the same day. Not travel the world playing piano, leaving all I loved behind me. The concert this evening marked the end of one chapter of my life and the start of another.

An escalating volume was filtering through to me. It told me that many of the patrons for this evening had already taken their seats, and I swallowed down my ever-increasing nervousness.

Slowly, I trailed the fingers of my right hand down the plunge in between my breasts. The same plunge that meant I couldn’t wear a bra with it. This was an added extra to an already stunning creation, and when I’d bought it, the only person in my mind had been my husband. The past year with him, had been nothing short of the best year of my life. He had loved and cared for me. Cajoled and comforted me, when I couldn’t see a way through the pain and torment of having all my fingers broken, with so many adhesions to the skin it had been thought on more than one occasion, that I might lose at least one of my fingers through infection.

Soon after I’d been allowed home from hospital, Salvatore and Dante had spoken to us all, women included, which in generations before us would have been unheard of. They’d explained that Ricco and the woman I used to refer to as my mama had been present at his mama’s kidnap and subsequent death and had also kidnapped many other women and children. The noise Ricco’s shoes made when he walked was one of the things the women who had survived had spoken of remembering, even when they didn’t know what he looked like. Dante had comforted me after, when time and time again in mynightmares, I’d heard Ricco’s shoes as they met the pier, while he danced around with his face on fire.

Dante’s love had been steadfast and true, gentle and kind. But I knew that Dante was holding himself back. He treated me as though I might shatter and break. Probably, because for a while back there I might well have done without him in my life. But from this day forward I was going to be the woman I wanted to be, for him.

In the auditorium, I heard the music begin, and the audience fell into a hush.

I inhaled slowly and let out a soft sigh.

‘This is it. The first day of the rest of our lives, Dante. I hope you’re ready for me.’

I knew, after attending practice after practice, that by now the lights would have been dimmed, all except the lights pointing to the stage. On the stage would be the principio del conservatorio, his address would take five minutes and then I would be introduced.

With one last look in the mirror, I checked my long hair, which I had curled and left deliberately cascading down my back the way my husband preferred. My make-up was strong enough for the lights, but subtle enough not to conceal the real me, the one I’d taken nearly twenty-nine years to find.

I trembled as I walked to my spot just off stage. Then, as the principal introduced me, and my name was met with loud applause, I took in a deep breath. Every step I took towards the stool placed in front of my piano was tentative, until I finally heard my grandfather’s voice. When I sat, I did so with a confidence I’d only ever felt before in Dante’s arms

‘I see you, Giovanna, and I have a need to tell you what I want for you. I have placed Salvatore as head of the family, and he will do a good job. Your other brothers will fall into line beneath him. But know this…’He’d coughed again andcontinued,‘One day you will also be in the position of the facilitator.’

‘Facilitator?’I’d questioned, puzzled at his use of the word.

‘Yes. You will one day be in a position that makes this family stronger, or be the one who tears it apart.’

‘Me?’I’d answered with fear creeping into my tone.

‘I have every faith you will choose the right path.’He’d nodded as he’d swallowed, trying to curb a cough that now seemed to be ever present.

‘You will become your own woman; this will mean you butting heads with Salvatore. First and foremost, be safe and listen to his direction where it counts, then live your dream, work hard, and learn the piano until there is nothing more for anyone to teach you. When you play at your first concert, I will be there on your shoulder like you’re now on mine.’

In my heart I could feel him with me, and it gave me the strength I needed.

‘Good evening.’ I spoke into the microphone placed on the piano. ‘Thank you so much for coming. Your patronage to this wonderful conservatory is overwhelming. This is the concert I have dreamt my whole life of playing.’ I stopped and smiled, before looking up at the box right in front of me. The one that I knew contained Dante.

A ripple of light applause met my statement.

The lighting technician had done a first-rate job. I couldn’t see many in the audience, but I could just make out Dante. He was leaning on the very front of the box, just as I’d imagined he would be. I smiled up at him and then allowed my fingers to do my talking for me, as I swept into piece after piece. Each one was met with thunderous applause as my fingers stilled.

Finally, thirty minutes later, I knew I had just one more to go.

‘Ladies and gentlemen… this, as I said earlier, is my first concert, however it is also my last.’ I spoke into the microphoneonce again and heard the clarity in my voice as I did so. ‘Music means so much to me. But my husband, family and our unborn child mean so very much more.’ I moved one hand to my still flat stomach and was convinced that I heard a chair from the box directly in front of me as it scraped unceremoniously over the floor. My mouth widened into a smile as I glanced up to see Dante standing at the edge of the box.

It felt good to surprise him.

‘This will be my final piece for the evening… Für Elise.’ A small amount of applause caused me to stop speaking. As it filtered away, I carried on, ‘I would like to dedicate it to my grandfather’.

As I played the piece, I saw as Dante left the box. When I struck the final notes of the piece I loved so very much, I stood and left to a standing ovation.

Turning towards the wing I knew he would reach first, I could see my husband waiting for me, and the thousands of others in the building faded away, until all there was, was the three of us. I crossed the stage, slowing down my step, not wanting the moment to end. Dante, looking perfect in a suit, wearing a blue tie that matched his eyes, was every woman’s wet dream, I was certain. His hair was swept back, and the scowl on his face was only matched by the way his arms were folded over his chest in anger, and I’d never wanted him as much as I did right in that minute.

At last, I reached him. My body was screaming at him to reach out and touch me, and simultaneously loving the fact he was too angry to.

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