Page 7 of Doc's Decision

“And you will,” she assures me, giving my knee a gentle squeeze. “You already are. Kash adores you. Anyone can see that. The way his whole face lights up when you walk into the room . . . that’s not nothing, Doc. That’s everything.”

I clear my throat, embarrassed by the sudden influx of emotion welling up inside me. “Yeah, well, I’m not exactly Father of the Year material yet,” I joke, trying to deflect from the deep shit we just dove into. “Still learning on the fly here, you know?”

She gives me a teasing nudge with her elbow. “Don’t sell yourself short, cowboy. You’ve got this parenting thing down pat. Besides, Kash is a resilient little guy!”

Kash suddenly starts crying out of nowhere, hiccupping sobs radiating through the clubhouse.

“Shh, it’s okay, buddy, it’s okay,” I hear her coo, rubbing his back in slow, soothing circles, her hazel eyes over his head reflecting equal parts panic and relief. “Everything’s all right. It happens to the best of us, you know? Sometimes, we all need a little cry.”

Kash sniffles, and I can see him nodding into her shoulder.

Mandy glances up at me, and for a moment, I see it again.

That maternal glow that I’d seen when she first laid eyes on him here at the clubhouse.

It’s like watching the sunrise after a long, dark night.

“I think he’s good to go, Dad,” she says, handing him over to me with the utmost care as if she’s in fear of breaking him.

She’s right, though; he’s already squirming in my arms, wanting to be let down.

Fuck me if my heart doesn’t swell ten sizes bigger when he reaches for Mandy’s hand. “But I’m thinking it’s bath time for this little maniac before he leaves a trail of destruction in his wake.”

I chuckle, shaking my head in amusement as I plant a wet, sticky kiss on the top of Kash’s head before starting to walk off. “Yeah, no arguments here. Let’s go, champ. Time to get all cleaned up, and then maybe we’ll read a bedtime story, huh?”

Mandy and I exchange one final glance as I head outside of the clubhouse, back to the trailer I share with Shiver. “Thank you,” I mouth, and for once, I mean it with every fiber of my being.

Her words hit me right in the feels, and I have to take a second to compose myself.

Mandy’s kindness and sincerity are a balm to my battered soul, and I find myself wishing, not for the first time, that things could be different between us.

That I could be the kind of man she deserves instead of the broken mess I am.

Lost in thought, my mind drifts to my own mother, locked away in that godforsaken facility back in California.

It’s been too damn long since I’ve seen her, and the guilt gnaws at me like a starving dog on a bone.

I need to get her transferred out here, closer to me and Kash.

She deserves to know her grandson, even if she won’t remember him from one visit to the next.

I walk the short distance back to my and Shiver’s trailer and head inside, heading straight for my room.

I’m new at this dad thing, obviously, but I’m trying my damndest here.

The things that fly out of this kid’s asshole is downright disgusting.

He needs a bath and stat.

Kash, at only a week old, has already amazed me.

He’s pushed me to be a better father than I thought I could be.

I quickly strip him down, careful to avoid the healing umbilical cord that’s dwindling down to nothing.

I fill the sink in my bathroom halfway and begin to bathe him, slow and thorough.

His tiny cries pierce my heart, but I keep talking to him, soothing words of love and promise.

---