Page 51 of Finding Out

I nodded.

“Is the endometriosis the reason you don’t want kids?”

I sighed. “That’s part of it. It doesn’t mean Ican’thave kids.” Over the years, doctors had assured me that I had options. “A lot of people do, though it’s not always easy and can come with a lot of stress and disappointment along the way.” Many people willingly took on that emotional rollercoaster because they wanted children that much. “I’ve never felt like I needed to have kids of my own to be happy. I can admit that I’m kinda selfish. I like spending money on shoes and going out on a whim and living in a tidy apartment. I want to travel, see the world. I don’t want to be tied to one place. Other people’s kids are fun, but the best part is knowing I can give them back.” I leaned into his shoulder.

His chest moved up and down, but he didn’t say anything.

“I’m excited for the day my friends have kids, and I love my nieces. That’s enough for me.”

He smiled down at me. “It’s a good answer. And it’s a relief to know that being past the kid raising stage of my life won’t affect your dreams. Because I want to give you everything, not take it away.”

“You don’t need to give me everything, Tom.” I swallowed and let him have a scary truth. “But maybe together, we could have everything we ever needed.”

He pressed his lips into the top of my head as the bigger words I couldn’t say yet hung in the air around us.

As the night went on and we snuggled and watchedWhite Collar, it became pretty clear that this had been my best Christmas in a long time. It was terrifying, how right the world felt with Tom at my side, because the moment we went public, it could all go wrong.

Baby Girl: What do you normally do for New Year’s?

Me: Usually I go to the party at your parents’ club or hang out with Leo and the guys.

Baby Girl: And this year?

Me: GIF of a sigh

Me: I had plans, but something came up.

Baby Girl: Oh. Avery invited me to Ground Zero with the team, but I hoped you might man up and invite me to spend the evening with you.

Me: You have a standing invitation to be where I am from now until the end of time.

Baby Girl: GIF of a girl saying awww and clutchingher chest.

Me: So if you want to pass on the fun and see what the two of us can come up with, then I’d love to have you come by my place.

Baby Girl: Where you lead, I will follow, babe.

Me: I plan on leading you into the hot tub.

Baby Girl: Happy New Year to me!

Baby Girl: Wait, you’re not cooking, right?

Me: Why wouldn’t I? I’ve cooked meals for you for years.

Baby Girl: Yeah, the thing is…you’re bad at it.

Me: What?

Baby Girl: I’ll bring dinner. Don’t worry. You have plenty of other skills we can put to good use. Especially in the hot tub.

Me: You’re killing me, baby girl.

“Caffrey, no.”

He looked up with big, sad blue eyes and tipped his head to the side, confused. Probably because he didn’t have a clue what I was saying.

“No,” I said again, hoping he’d get the point that I didn’t want him to eat my shoe. Or pee on the floor or lick me.

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