Page 42 of Stolen Seconds

I shouldn’t have let the spur of the moment get to my head. I had already been treading water since I got to Italy and it didn’t help that Luca was always there, attempting to strip me bare and pull out my demons.

I want to know about yours.

His words replayed in my head. There was a sick sort of irony about us. At fifteen, he’d put an end to his abuse. At fifteen, I’d killed the first man who laid their hands on me.

Defeat sunk deep into my stomach. Dammit, hewasdifferent. Everything about him was different. Yes, he was insufferable and arrogant, but for some reason, he was the first person capable of seeing past the deceit.

I knew it the moment he’d stepped into that bathroom to clean my hand. Hesawme.

My chest caved, pushing down the ruckus of emotions. I couldn’t allow myself to empathize with him no matter how desperately I wanted to give in.

Luca could never be mine. Not in this lifetime or the next. He was the leader of the Camorra and part of Roman’s crew. The same crew who took in my brother.

Luca would be over his fixation for me once I left and this game would be forgotten. Short-lived like everything else in my life.

My father would be ashamed of me if he knew what I’d done.

I swallowed the bitter taste in my mouth and walked toward the kitchen.

It was early in the morning, the silence comforting, and I lavished in it, knowing that the world was asleep.

I stopped short when I saw Nicolai sitting on the stool, his elbows perched on the kitchen island with his head bowed.

“Nicolai?”

He slowly turned and stared at me. The sight of him nearly causing me to stumble back.

This was the first time he appeared disheveled. Blond hair sticking out in all directions, eyes bloodshot and black rings around them.

“I didn’t think anyone was up.”

I walked toward him, taking the empty seat beside him. “I never slept.”

He didn’t say anything for a long while, gazing blankly at the bay windows from across the room.

The room felt smaller with each passing second and I couldn’t sit here until it closed in on me, knowing there was something wrong.

“Are you okay?”

He cleared his throat, his brown eyes settling on me as his lips lifted in a tight smile. “Do I look that terrible?”

I nodded my head, trailing my gaze along his tortured features.

“To be truthful, I get these nightmares. . . and it’ssuffocating.” He closed his eyes, his throat moving as heswallowed. “It feels like a noose around my neck, and I try to claw it away, but it never does.”

A piece of my heart cracked, blood oozing out from his anguish. I understood that feeling all too well.

“What are they about?” I asked hoarsely.

“My past.”

My eyes stung, and I had to grit my teeth to stop the unshed tears from welling up.

If I didn’t ask now, then I didn’t know if I’d get the opportunity again, not when Roman warned me not to get close to him.

“Did something happen to you, Nicolai?”

His face drained of color and the moment his mouth went slack, I knew he was slipping into that void that he’d been to last time.

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