Page 94 of Knot All is Forgiven

And there it is.

The truth.

The dark cloud that drove me away from the guys, from Rafe, and that guided every artful masochistic expression on my body.

I have struggled with depression in some way all of my life, but when I lost Jordan, I began to spiral. Nitro helped pull me out to a manageable level.

Well, Nitro and some really good SSRIs.

Jordan tilts her head to the side and slides off my lap, rising to her feet. The slinky black tank leaves nothing to the imagination, clinging to her curves, and it is nearly impossible to drag my eyes away from the way her nipples push out against the fabric.

She looks down at me, red hair wild around her face, and fists her hips. "What are you waiting for, Simon?" she says quietly.

"What?"

"You said you'd get on your knees."

Chapter thirty-six

The green-haired Alpha quicklyswitches from sitting to kneeling. I don't have to ask him twice. I take a step towards him, and he reaches out to touch me but drops his hand quickly before he makes contact.

"Can I touch you?" he asks softly.

"You may." He drags his hands up my bare legs, fingers ghosting over my skin so lightly I worry I'm imagining it. I feed my fingers into his shaggy hair and pull back, tilting his face to me. His hazel eyes are hooded with desire and reverence.

"Are you comfortable with this?" I don't want to force this on him just because he said he'd beg me, but part of me thinks Ineed this. I need to regain control, to take it back from them. They had the power to end our relationship, and they did.

But now it's in my hands to rekindle.

"Abso-fucking-lutely," he chuckles.

It's all the permission I need. I lean down and press my lips against his, inhaling the rich, malted chocolate scent that he exudes.

I have wanted to kiss Simon Stargazer for a very, very long time. I always wondered why we never took that step when we were younger, but now that we're here and I can feel every bit of emotion he's pouring into me, I don't find myself mourning an awkward kiss between young lovers.

I tighten my grip on his hair, and he gasps, mouth opening for me as I swallow the sound and slip my tongue between his lips. His tattooed hands drag up my legs, across my ass, and grip around my hips, awkwardly pulling me forward and causing me to stumble.

It's an effort to pull my mouth from his, but I do, stepping backward to catch my breath. Simon's chest heaves, his eyes smoldering as he looks at me.

"Jordan," he murmurs, "please." He reaches for my hand, and I move forward slowly and let him take it, dropping to my knees before him.

I cup his cheek and then let my hands drag down his chest before stopping and flicking his nipple rings. He groans and pushes his chest out to give me easier access. I lean down and trace the silver hoop with my tongue before licking and kissing up to his collarbones.

My mouth hovers on the pale spot of flesh that he saved for me. A choice he made after an offhand comment when we were teenagers. I nip the blank space lightly, not enough to break the skin but enough to make Simon inhale sharply.

"Don't tease me, peaches." His voice is thick with emotion, and I don't want to name it because I may find myself lost to him if I do. "Don't do that unless you mean it."

That's the thing.

I don't know if I mean it.

If someone asked me outright, I would say I don't. I would say I am toying with Simon as a way of punishing him for what he put me through.

But I don't know if I believe that anymore.

Since he threw himself back into my life, Simon has made it clear that he only wants me. He's shown me time and time again that he knows he messed up and will do whatever it takes to have me.

Even if it was a little creepy and stalker-ish.

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