Page 90 of Knot All is Forgiven

"Then it's not enough and you try again." She shrugs, burying her hands in the pockets of her jeans. "Is she worth more?"

"She's worth everything."

"Well, that was something,"Simon says as soon as I walk through the front door. He's stretched out on the sofa, one leg slung over the arm, and is munching on a bowl of grapes that is precariously balanced on his stomach. "The internet is going wild."

He pulls his phone out, chuckling as he reads headlines aloud. "'Is the city's most eligible bachelor finally off the market?' 'What was the sin? Examining the confession of Cyrus Stargazer.' 'Who is she? Mystery Omega has Stargazer in a tizzy.'" He pulls his phone away from his face, finally catching the glare I'm throwing his way. "One more, one more. 'Real Alphas cry and Cyrus Stargazer is proof of that.'"

I throw myself into the chair across from him, ripping the bun out of my hair and feeding my fingers through it. "She hasn't answered my calls or my texts."

"I'm not surprised," my packmate says through a full mouth. "That was intense, dude."

The small living room feels stifling. I'm sweating and anxious and the only thing that is going to make it better is hearing from Jordan. "Did I fuck up?" I ask quietly.

"Unsure. I am a little jealous you got to go so big, though. Maybe I should get a billboard…"

I throw a pillow from the neighboring chair at him, laughing when it smacks him in the face. "This isn't time for jokes, asshole!"

"I wasn't joking!" He attempts to reach the pillow to throw it back at me, and the bowl of grapes tumbles off of his stomach. "It'll never feel like I've apologized enough."

Rafe comes wandering out of the hallway, slapping me on the shoulder as he passes. "It was a good speech."

He sits besides Simon, leaning forward on his elbows as he rubs the back of his neck. Despite how much all of us are hurting over this distance with Jordan, being here with them feels so right.

When we broke apart it felt unnatural. Rafe living across the hall helped, but Simon was complete radio silence. I know it was because the idea to lie to Jordan was mine.

"I'm sorry," I say to him. His eyes widen and his hand stills from where it's trying to collect the spilled grapes. "I never apologized to either of you for my part in all of this. Jordan isn't the only one I fucked up with."

"We all agreed," Rafe says, but his heart isn't in it. "You didn't do this on your own." His eyes cut to Simon and then back to the floor. "You're not the only thing that broke us."

Conversations like this are hard, especially when you're just staring someone down, so I take my time unlacing my shoes and slipping them off my feet. "I know that, but I was pack lead. I had a responsibility to you both, and I failed."

Simon sighs, picking at the skin around his nails as he avoids eye contact. "None of us handled this perfectly. I'm sorry I ran. Maybe if we had been together we would've tried to get Jordan back faster. Or at least we would've had each other."

Rafe rubs Simon between the shoulders but drops his hand quickly and rubs his palms on his thighs. "There's nothing wecan do about it now except hope she forgives us. I hate thinking she's out in the world without us."

"At least she has Russ," I remind him. "As jealous as I am of the bastard, he's a good guy. He's taking care of her."

Unfolding himself from the couch, Simon traipses to the kitchen and comes back with a couple of beers for us. "I believe it will work out. I'm not sure what that timeline is going to look like, but I have to believe she loves and wants us as much as we do her."

"How can you believe that when she wants nothing to do with us?" I ask quietly. "If she loved me as much as I did her she'd be blowing my phone up and I'd be there with her right now."

Rafe shakes his head as he takes a drag from his beer. "If she didn't love us as much as we loved her she wouldn't be so torn. She'd tell us to fuck off and be done with it."

Maybe he's right. It's going to be the only thing that helps me sleep tonight.

After finishing our beers we say our goodnights and break off into our own rooms and I strip to my boxers, laying on my back and staring at the ceiling as I beg sleep to take me.

"Just one more try," I mutter, grabbing my phone off the side table.

You don't have to answer me, Jay. You don't have to say anything. Just know I meant every single word and I'm here.

I'm not going anywhere.

Not again.

Chapter thirty-five

It's been three dayssince Cyrus' on-air love confession to Jordan, and we haven't heard from her.

---