Page 84 of Knot All is Forgiven

Simon and Rafe freeze, slices halfway to their faces. I lower my meat lover's slice and blink in confusion.

"Why?" Rafe asks slowly.

Icarus wipes his face with a paper towel and shrugs. "Studies show roughly thirty percent of packs have inner pack relationships outside of their Omega. In fact, it has been shown to correlate to positive health outcomes for the Omega. It's fascinating, actually, the science behind it. Alpha pheromones are what ease an Omega during her heat and periods of stress, and when two Alphas are together, the pheromone output is more than just theirs combined. Actually-"

"Woah, Doc," I say, finding my voice and chuckling. "There's nothing like that between us. Is the lecture your way of telling us something?"

He snorts and takes a long drag of his beer. "No, I am, in fact, not into men. Something Jordan has lamented a time or two before."

"Jordan wishes you'd hook up with one of us?" Simon's voice sounds strained, his pizza all but abandoned on the coffee table. "She said that?"

"You're going to be blown away at what Jordan is into," he teases. "Jordan is a pleasure junkie. So, to watch two people she cares about love and cherish one another? Yeah, she'd want that."

My mind gets stuck on the first half of that sentence, possibilities swirling around me like a haze of lust. "What else is she into? There's no sword crossing here, but maybe we've got some other things…"

He holds up his hand. "Oh, oh no. Not only is it not my business to tell, but I really want to see your faces when she surprises you with it."

"C'mon," I nearly whine. "Give me something to keep me warm at night." Rafe balls up a napkin and throws it at my face but doesn't chastise me. I know he's as interested as I am in knowing what kinks hide in our little Omega.

"No, absolutely not. I probably shouldn't have even mentioned her desire for a polyamorous pack. I don't want to betray her trust."

More and more, Icarus proves to me that he is a good Alpha who cherishes Jordan. I guess since I couldn't be there with her throughout her presentation, Icarus was the next best thing.

The light conversation continues as we finish dinner and then retire to the lounge. Icarus reclines on the couch with a mug of tea. Simon picked up tea bags earlier today for the Alpha, wanting to make him feel more comfortable. He's thoughtful like that.

Simon sits folded up into a pretzel in the chair next to mine, and Rafe perches on the arm of the couch.

"Give it to me straight," Rafe says quietly. "Is she ever going to forgive us?"

Icarus ruffles his hair, resting his cup on the coffee table. "Yeah, I think she will. But she doesn'twantto, which is where the problem lies."

"Why doesn't she want to forgive us? She said it herself that all she ever wanted was to be with us," I say.

This is the part that's hardest for me to understand. I know we hurt her. I knowIhurt her. Most of this is on me, and I'mnot shying away from that. My decision and my actions led to the woman I have always loved being heavily traumatized and questioning her own mind.

I'm not trying to downplay that. But why can't we help her heal? Why is she insisting on doing this alone?

"I can't answer that for her," Icarus replies, worrying his hands as he rests his elbows on his knees. "You guys messed up. I know you know that. And I also know you were doing what you thought was right, and it probably would have been if she were a Beta because I know what happened with my sister. There's just something I don't understand."

"What?" Simon asks, his words slightly thick with the emotion that bubbles to the surface whenever we talk about Jordan.

"When did you stop believing in her? You named your pack after her. What changed?"

My packmates look at me, and I duck my head. "It started because I was pissed. Because she wasn't an Omega. Because she should have been ours, and if we had her the way we wanted to, an Omega might make us get rid of her."

Icarus leans forward on his elbows. "I know hindsight is 20/20 and whatnot, but she knew. Why didn't you?"

"I thought I did," Simon replies. "And then we're eighteen and moving to Lunarcrest, and she had to stay behind, and she still hadn't presented. We tried to distance ourselves and set the groundwork for it then. Then we got to university and met some Omegas…"

"And none of them were anything like Jordan," Rafe finishes. "It was sobering. Because how could we have been so wrong? None of them smelled like home, but they had a scent, good or bad. She didn't have one when we left at all. Omega's have a scent."

I scrub my face, remembering the arguments that threatened to pull the pack apart during that time. "Eventually, we thoughtit was best for her to remove the hope she had. We thought it would be her wake-up call to accept that she wasn't going to be an Omega."

"Instead, it was more damaging than we could have imagined," Simon says quietly. "You have to believe us when we say we really were trying to save Jordan from future pain."

Icarus stands and crosses to the kitchen, dropping his mug in the sink. "I get that. I hope she will, too." He crosses his arms over his broad chest. "I like you guys. I can see this working. But my loyalty is to her."

"Will you at least put in a good word?" My voice betrays my vulnerability.

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