Page 76 of Knot All is Forgiven

Not that I'm trying to eavesdrop or anything.

"This is going fucking swimmingly," Cyrus says, burying his face in his massive hands.

"I'm a little surprised that Icarus appears to be on our side," I say. "Last time we saw him, it was not great."

"He loves her. He doesn't want her to be sick," Rafe responds, setting the two glasses he'd been holding on the coffee table and perching on the arm of my chair. I pull my legs up underneath me as he lowers his voice. "I'm concerned about what we're going to learn tonight."

"It's not going to be good." After a deep breath, I continue. "I don't think we realize the extent of what she went through."

Jordan and Icarus reenter the room, settling down on the couch. Jordan is as close as she can be to the Alpha without sitting in his lap. She picks up her glass of wine and takes a hearty sip before returning it to the tabletop.

There is a hardness to her that wasn't there when we were kids, and I can't help but think it came from us. A darkness passes over her features as she folds her hands on her lap.

"I do not need an explanation from you three. It is clear to me at this point that you lied about finding your scent match. So let's skip over that." With a final encouraging nod and squeeze to her hip from Icarus, Jordan locks eyes with me. "It's time you see what you broke."

Chapter twenty-nine

Cyrus's face is blank,but the clench of his jaw reveals how hard it is for him to keep his mouth shut. His curly hair is piled high on the top of his head in a knot, and his outfit gives me deja vu from when we were kids. Sitting in a chair across from me, his arms crossed and his ankle loosely resting over his knee, he looks like the king of his domain.

All of that attention on me makes me feel a little weak in the knees.

Rafe is as brooding, dark, and handsome as ever. He's the only one I haven't scented, and I am purposefully keeping my distance. I don't need one more opportunity to get sick, but I can't help but wonder what he is going to smell like. In his darkclothing with his hair pushed off his forehead, I can see that boy I fell in love with all those years ago. The memories attempt to assault me, but I push them down.

He grimly looks down at Simon from his perch on the edge of an armchair. They've always been close, and the way Simon looks up at Rafe for support is like going back in time.

Simon is the most changed of the three. His previously platinum blonde hair is neon green, and it looks freshly dyed. He's got more tattoos than I can count on display from his rolled-up sleeves. Despite how broken he looked when I saw him after my heat, he looks almost dangerous now. Icarus mentioned that he was in a motorcycle club, and at first, I thought that was far-fetched. How could sweet Simon join a MC club? I wouldn't have ever thought he'd even end up with tattoos.

And yet here he is, looking savage in appearance but gentle in expression.

Icarus squeezes my hip encouragingly, and my eyes drift closed.

Am I going to do this? Throw my trauma out there to them like it won't destroy me if they don't accept responsibility?

I have to. Icarus and I talked about this in the car on the way here. We have to figure out a way through this, and this conversation is the first step.

"You left when I was eighteen," I say with a tight voice and an even tighter grip on my wine glass. "After that conversation in the diner where you pushed me away, I wasn't sure you'd stay in contact at all. When you did, I operated under the assumption it was because you'd changed your minds."

"We just couldn't-" Rafe begins.

"Stop." I set the wine glass down, bracing myself on my knees and shuddering with a repressed breath." If I am going to get through this, you have to listen and not interrupt. Please."

After a few moments of them looking anywhere but directly at me and saying silent, I continue.

"My mother was so embarrassed I hadn't presented that she started taking me to the doctor. She'll deny it, that was the main motivator, that I was a 'Beta,'" I make quotes with my hands, "but I know the truth. She wanted to see if they could force the presentation." Icarus grunts his dissent behind me and pulls me a little closer. He knows better than anyone that it can't be forced.

An unwelcome and unexplained embarrassment covers me in a flush. "The consensus was that I was potentially too heavy to present." I hear a sharp inhale from one of the Alphas, but I ignore it and push on. "Mom was happy to hear that there was something we could do to get me to present. So my food intake was monitored, and I lost weight."

Memories of food scales and measuring spoons as I made salads assault me. Of bites snuck from the fridge in the middle of the night. Candies hidden in my bedside table, the wrappers shoved between cracks of the furniture so they wouldn't be seen in the trash.

"Anyways, obviously, it didn't work." I snort a sarcastic laugh, but I'm the only one. "By the time I was nineteen, my mother had given up on trying to get me to present because, like you, she had read the statistics."

For the first time since I started talking, I look up, making eye contact with Cyrus.

His expression doesn't reveal much, but his eyes aren't as hard as I thought they'd be. His hands, however, tell a different story. His knuckles shine white around the crystal glass in his hands.

I wrench my eyes away from his hands, and they land on Rafe. The quiet Alpha's dark eyes are turned down as he looks at me with open sorrow. "I became the shameful Beta daughter. I was working my ass off at Meg's to save up enough money to move toLunarcrest to be with you guys. I just thought everything would work out if I could get here."

Pausing, I sip my wine and lean into Icarus's body, burying my face in his neck. I inhale deeply, letting his soothing eucalyptus scent wash over me. The Stargazers don't push me to continue, giving me a moment to collect myself.

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