Page 40 of Knot All is Forgiven

Oh.

"I'm in heat, aren't I?"

He chuckles and adjusts himself so he's sitting behind me, beginning to braid my hair. "I believe so. This is early stage, for sure."

My stomach churns. He's going to see me naked. What if he thinks I'm disgusting? What if he doesn't want me? What if I'm doomed to go through this heat alone?

"Woah, wherever your mind went, just then, I'd like you to come back," he says, turning me so he can look at me. "Tell me what made you so upset."

"How do you know I'm upset?"

"Did you not hear yourself whining?"

My ears rang with my vulnerability, so I must have missed them. "I…" I can't force the words out. What if he confirms all of them? At least now, when they live in my head, there is a little bit of plausible deniability that he agrees with them. "It's stupid."

"Nothing that upsets you is stupid, Jordan." After securing the braid, he tugs me into his lap and dances his fingers up my spine underneath my tank top.

The gentle way he speaks to and touches me relaxes me enough to speak my fears aloud—some of them. "Lanie told me we probably haven't had sex yet because I gained weight. What if you see me naked and think I'm disgusting?"

"You know, I'm starting to really dislike Lanie, sunshine. I'm trying hard because she's your friend and works for you, but I'm noticing a pattern here. Friday's are eating out lunch days, right?"

I nod slowly. Where's he going with this?

"And once a month on Sunday, you get brunch. Every Friday, you've 'had a big lunch' and barely touched anything for dinner. Every time you get brunch, you bring almost your entire meal home and then pick at your food for the rest of the day. I know you love Lanie, but I'm wondering if she's not good for your health. I want to make it abundantly clear that I do not, and will never, find you disgusting. We haven't had sex because I am trying my damnedest to make sure you know me before…"

"Before what?" I say cautiously. Is he hiding something from me?

His face flushes, and his chin dips. "I know that bonding is stronger and more permanent during a heat. I've read the research thoroughly. But I also know that when I fuck you, I will claim you right then and there. I don't think I'll be able to stop myself. So I wanted to make sure you knew me, knew who I am before I put you in that situation."

"You… you want to bond with me?" I bend back a little to look at his beautiful face, which has become my favorite part of my day. His deep green eyes are so open and hopeful that there is not a single moment I doubt his sincerity.

"Of course, Jordan. I love you."

He loves me?

He loves me.

Is it fast? Sure. It's only been three months. But he was quite literally made for me.

I've felt love before. Not Henrik or any others in the parade of Betas I spent my twenties with. But young love. Hopeful, naive, overwhelming love.

And this isn't like that.

No, this is steady. This is nights on the couch with two cats yelling at one another. It's his and hers mugs, one with tea and one with a latte every morning.

What I have with Icarus is beyond explanation.

"I love you too, Icarus," I say quietly. And though my body is on fire, my stomach cramping and yelling at me that I need his knot, his bite, I kiss him gently and slowly. Because this is not a moment I want to forget. I do not want to rush through this because of a biological process. Pulling away from the sweet, lingering kiss, I press my forehead against his. "Do you want to go to my nest?" I ask quietly.

He slides off the bed and brings me with him, banding his arms around my hips. "Go get your nest ready, Omega. I'm going to order a heat kit for us."

"Heat kit?"

"Ah, yeah. One of my coworkers told me about it. Omegamart works with the grocery store, and they'll drop off everything you could need during a heat, so you don't have to think about it. Protein bars and drinks, electrolytes, dried meat, and fruit," he clears his throat before continuing at a much lower volume, "and various toys, lubricants, and restraints."

"I have us covered on those last three. Just place a grocery delivery order and then get your ass in the nest, Alpha." I swat his ass playfully and shove him towards the door. "Oh, and Alpha?"

"Yes, Omega?"

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