Page 37 of Knot All is Forgiven

"Well, nothing really. It just all happened so fast, you know? So we're taking it slow, getting to know each other."

I mean, I think that's all. He's repeatedly told me he's trying to respect me and my body, but eventually, a girl just wants to be disrespected, you know?

"You brought dudes home from the club regularly before Henrik, and now suddenly you care about slow and steady? She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. "I don't believe you."

"You're not in my relationship, so I'm not sure why what you believe matters." Of course, I still wonder if maybe Icarus isn't asattracted to me as he says he is. Maybe that's why he's been able to control himself.

As if she has a mainline directly into my insecurities, Lanie leans across the table. "Look, Jay, you know I love you, girl. But maybe the reason why you two haven't fucked yet is because you keep eating stuff like that." She waves towards my falafel, wrinkling her nose. "I mean, I didn't want to say anything, but you've definitely put on that new relationship weight."

My heart falls out of my ass, and a baseball-sized lump fills my throat. She must be able to see a stricken look on my face because Lanie immediately grabs my hands. "I'm just looking out for you, babe."

Immediately, that falafel wrap I love so much looks rotted on my plate. I pull my hands from hers and scoot as far away as possible. "I appreciate your concern, Lanie," I say, fighting to keep my voice steady. "I'll see you back at the office. Just put this lunch on the corporate card."

I rush out of the restaurant, and on my way back to the office, I pull out my phone to shoot off a text.

Hey Dr. K, I need a session tonight if possible. My head isn't in a great place right now

Dr. K

Sure thing. Call me at 7.

Before I can put my phone away, it dings with another message—one from Icarus.

Vickasaurous Rex

Sunshine, what do you think about us going to Bea's Kitchen for dinner tonight? I've heard that the chef has a new menu.

It would probably be a waste. I had a big lunch.

Alright, no problem. Let's go tomorrow. Tonight, we can just have a lazy night.

Oh shit! I know!

I'm gonna make a charcueterie.

Charqueterie?

Carcueterie?

Fuck, spell check hates me today, I guess.

Sounds like a plan. I have a therapy call at 7, cool to work around it?

Of course! Whatever you need.

Also, sunshine. Can't wait to see you tonight. Go kick ass at selling stuff!

His words leave a smile on my face, but it feels hollow. I shouldn't let what Lanie says get to me. She means well, really, she does. I know that. She's always looking out for me. I wish I knew how to tell her that commenting on my food and weight makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.

The rest of the day passes quickly, with neither Lanie nor I bringing up the awkward end to our lunch. I'm getting ready to leave when she comes into my office, holding a black box with a bow on it.

"A courier just dropped this off! Is Icarus sending you gifts at work now?" she squeals as she shoves it into my hands. "Open it!"

"It could be personal!"

"Bitch, nothing is personal between us. Open it!"

I roll my eyes and pull the ribbon. It's luxurious, clearly from a high-end boutique or store. Icarus doesn't know how to shop at anything but. But when I lift the lid off the box, I know without a shadow of a doubt this is not from Icarus.

---